Self Support to Push Through Writing and Procrastination Backchat

 Joe Kou
3/05/2012
stoppingjoekou.blogspot.com/2012/03/self-support-to-push-through-writing.html

Lately I have been facing a point of heavy resistance to writing as well as keeping up with scheduled tasks and projects that I have taken on for myself, and I noticed that the longer it took for me to finally push myself and simply do what needs to be done, the harder it became to actually do so – because by then I had already given my ego/mind/backchat PLENTY of 'wiggle room' to dig in and start creating layer after layer of excuses and justifications that would conveniently 'explain' away why I was not in fact doing what I had decided for myself to do (see more of this in my previous blog on 'excuses' for further perspective on how we create excuses and ask 'why' instead of 'how').

So knowing already that this mechanism of 'excuses, excuses' is at play here I was able to see that if I continued to procrastinate or participate in the pity party that was busy going on within me where I would sink into a kind of 'funk' and then want to bury myself underneath the layers of self judgment and excuses, I would eventually hit a point where it would simply become 'too much' and would likely lead to me becoming possessed and creating/playing out a situation in my life that would not be pleasant and that I would never be able to undo once I had gone 'that far' (check out the “Life Review” series Eqafe for perspective).

In my life there have been plenty of times where I would see I required to direct something or that I would have to be patient and diligent with a point that I was busy developing, but would fall into points of procrastination and self doubt and then would come the layers of shame and self judgment and layer after layer I would add on more reasons and justifications and excuses as to why I was 'not able' to do what I initially set out to do – and then comes the 'icing on the cake' which is the backchat of

“I knew better! I shouldn't be doing this because I already KNEW this would happen. Now look at the mess I made!”

Yes we seem to always KNOW but in the moment when that realization first comes, when we see “Okay, this is a point that I have looked at before and if I do not support myself now I KNOW I will regret it because I can see within common sense the end result of allowing this participation” THAT is the moment where we must immediately live and apply our self honesty and correct ourselves – because KNOWING is not enough and in fact will only bite us in the ass – because we will have to correct and forgive the deliberate self-abuse of not correcting ourselves and establishing our directive principle when we 'had the chance'.

So back again to the resistance to writing and effective time management – what I saw was a 'buildup' of points that began with me allowing the thought of 'this is too much' and then allowing myself to become overwhelmed and accepting that 'overwhelmed' experience to direct me instead of slowing down then and there and realizing that only the mind is able to be 'overwhelmed' – and that if I simply breathe and move myself from one point to the other there is nothing to be 'overwhelmed' by because I would realize that I cannot do MORE than what I can practically do in each moment, and if I am directing myself and breathing effectively in each moment there is no point in 'wanting to get MORE done'.

Now as this buildup of experiencing 'overwhelmed-ness' continued, so did the backchat – because not only had I allowed this thought to direct me, I allowed the back-door to be left wide open for self-abuse and self judgment where I would add on more and more layers of reaction such as “God, I am really fucking this up – I should have been DONE with this last week and now I will have to spend so much time catching up!” or “Fuck, I am such a loser – I can't get anything done and nothing ever works out right” - and as these points of self-abusive backchat continued I found myself only becoming more angry and upset with myself within this, only continued to FEED the backchat even more because now I was actually making the statement that I AM this backchat and that I am giving it my attention and energy and thus keeping it alive within me to such a point where it would actually LIVE through and as me and actually become who I am if I do not stop myself.

So looking at this further in terms of how to more effectively support myself to stop this pattern within me, I see that a key here would be to identify HOW I am sabotaging myself, discover what the 'game' is that is busy being played within my mind which is generating energy in the form of anger, reactions, self judgment, etc., and having identified the points to immediately move myself within the point of correction – meaning to immediately stand within myself, stop the reactions, stop the backchat, apply self forgiveness, and DO that which I initially set out to do and here a vital point that I am adding to my application is to STOP ALLFURTHER BACKCHAT!!! Because it is really pointless to identify the point, release the point, move on and start doing what requires to be done in the moment, but then go straight back into and as the mind as backchat to allow yet ANOTHER thought to compound and restart the whole cycle again.

Thus -

I see and realize that procrastination and participation in backchat and emotional reactions such as anger and irritation which often is projected AT my environment or people around me that I am in fact activating and participating in the game of “excuses, excuses” wherein I am allowing myself to be directed by the excuses and justifications that are created as a 'defense mechanism' to not actually face a point which I am resisting.

Within this I realize that having 'gone this far' means I did not stop myself at the 'trigger point' where the initial thought/reaction occurred within me and in that moment allowed the thought/reaction to 'sink in' and grow/compound as backchat which then possessed me. Thus to practically support myself when I see/notice myself having gone to the point of procrastinating on a point and then finding excuses or going into self judgment and frustration, or allowing myself to become 'overwhelmed' or 'too busy' with other points which are actually self-manipulation tactics to keep myself 'distracted', I will STOP immediately, release the built up energy by breathing, taking a shower, or finding a way to effectively support myself and bring myself back HERE and when I am satisfied that I am stable, I will adjust my practical living, make practical plans and schedules based on what I self-honestly see myself able to do with the time that I have in my days, and DO what requires doing and while making this correction STOP all backchat that may pop up again as part of the previous system design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to be diligent and directive within my tasks and that if I make a mistake, miscalculate, or end up requiring more time than I had anticipated, then the point is to make corrections and communicate the point to those who may be depending on/waiting on my work/contribution/participation and ensure that I am moving effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and participate in emotional reactions and energy as backchat and internal 'experiences' which I give my attention to and accept as 'who I am' as an 'experience' of me instead of realizing that I am HERE and that I do not require to judge myself or experience anything within me that is not self directed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I make a mistake or when I miscalculate or when I end up not being able to immediately do a task quickly and effectively, than I should judge myself and go into energetic self-manipulation because I am 'guilty' and should 'feel bad' for what I had 'failed to do' and to take that experience of 'failure' personally as though it were real when all that I required to do was breathe and correct what requires to be corrected, and move on, and within this stop feeding the mind/backchat and stop giving away my time and energy to self-abuse and diminishment.

This is important because the time we have here in our physical reality is limited from the perspective of each of us having only so much 'time' in our physical bodies due to the way we have been participating within the mind and therelationship that has developed over the years between our physicalbody and the mind consciousness systems within us – thus it is vital that we utilize our time to the utmost effectiveness and not allow ourselves to be bogged down by backchat where there is so much we are able to do when we are here as BREATH.

So if we are having a difficult time with a particular point and finding ourselves procrastinating and diminishing or if we are just having one of those 'shitty days' where everything seems to go wrong and one just wants to 'give up' and collapse and let it all 'go to hell', rather push ourselves to STOP and not create any more hell within ourselves – because the hell within ourselves is becoming the hell we see in the world – as within, so without.

Ok – so applying this for myself and flagging the trigger point of thoughts in relation to 'this is not working' or 'this is too much', so that I stop myself in those moments instead of only stopping when the trigger has been 'pulled' and I am already at the stage of procrastination and reaction and playing the game 'excuses, excuses'.

For more perspective on effectively identifying these points and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application join us at http://desteni.org for discussion and feedback.

Why do I blog? Live what I write, write what I live

 Why do I blog? 

A blog that assisted me greatly today is one written by Andrew, which can be read HERE, but i will share what specifically was assisting for me in this moment, as i am writing this blog. The following is an excerpt from Andrew's process blog-


"Before I begin writing this I am going to remind myself here, that what I write, is me. And that what I write becomes me. And what I write becomes my inner structure, and therefore to effectively support myself by writing an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and that creates a functionally effective human being within the context of what I am currently facing , what I will be facing and where we are going in process in terms of bringing forth equality, an equal money system, a world that is best for all, and a human being that is dignified, self respected, trustworthy, and self honest."

What struck me here is the simple realization that i am what i speak - i am the words that i allow within and as me, as my expression in this reality, and that the words that i place affect not just myself, but all one and equal. thus it is important to be aware that the thoughts that i participate in - the feelings and emotions that i allow within me - the words that i think, speak, write, and define myself by - all have an accumulative effect as well as a manifested consequence.

i have been resisting blogging - resisting sharing myself - resisting process in general, and this is due to compounded back-chat and suppressed points that i have not allowed myself to walk through - points that i have allowed self to make 'bigger than self'. now that these points are coming up to the surface, i am faced with the manifested consequence of having hidden within myself so many thoughts - judgments - spitefulness - self-interest, and fears, thinking i can cheat or manipulate consequence.


what i am realizing is that when i write - it is not for me to indulge in the mind - to marinate within the points that i am facing - rather to write, as andrew put it, 'an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and creates a functionally effective human being..."

thus what i accept and place as the words i express, are the words that i allow myself to live and stand as for eternity - and within this i am responsible for how i script myself within and as my self-writing - which is the foundation point of the words that i speak, which then are the foundation point for the words which i LIVE into being, which then are the foundation point of my accumulation within this reality.

in each moment, i am accumulating. in each moment, i am a participant within the creation of this existence, and thus i take responsibility for what i accept and allow by first ensuring that what i am accumulating within existence is indeed what is best for all by starting with self.

i recommit myself and re-align myself to this starting point within writing and blogging - this is not about personality. this is not about me sharing what i'm going through/working with from a starting-point of wanting people to validate me or accept me or give me energy for what i am sharing. this is about me scripting my actual change - sharing the actual building and restructuring process of breaking down my current limitations and self-definitions and accumulating what is best for all.

what i write is what i must live, and what is live is what i write - within this there is no point of ego, personality, or self-interest. there is no point of comparing my writing with others - as there is nothing to gain and nothing to lose - for we are all in this equally and it is in the best interest of all that we sort ourselves out and stand as self-willed equals.

Shoplifting, Robbery, and Self-Realization - FINAL

*this writing has taken a few days to complete, as i saw there were many points that opened up and required specific writing and self-forgiveness. this event transpired several days ago as of this posting

Today at work a young boy tried to steal a new pair of shoes by 'trying them on' and then walking out of the store with them. One of my associates noticed it and called it out over our radios. In that moment I did not move to intercept the boy, and experienced a moment of hesitation within self- seeing that I should move to stop the boy but 'for some reason' did not. It was as though I was paralyzed for a brief moment and could not 'will' myself to move.

A customer ran out after the boy and yelled towards him to get back into the store. At this point i went out and caught up to the boy and said "hey those are some nice new shoes you have. do you have a receipt for those?" to which the boy responded "i was just trying them on, i swear". At this point another associate from the store came out- the one who first noticed the boy attempting to walk out with the new shoes. he escorted the boy back, got the shoes, and returned to the young man the shoes he originally came in with. after the ordeal we began to talk about what had happened and as well as begin to trade stories about the 'old days' when we worked for a different company and we had a Loss Prevention department in the store who would apprehend and catch all shoplifters as well as press charges against them whereas now we no longer pursue or go after shoplifters if they get beyond a certain point. i participated within the gossip as well as the energy around having 'busted a shoplifter' and participated as well in indulging within the energy of the event, and did not direct myself within stopping and letting go of the energy, which i now see would have an immediate consequential play-out which i will soon share.

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“i participated within the gossip as well as the energy around having 'busted a shoplifter' and participated as well in indulging within the energy of the event, and did not direct myself within stopping and letting go of the energy, which i now see would have an immediate consequential play-out which i will soon share.”

ok this was not a clear paragraph.

I participated within gossiping and 'feeling good' about having 'busted a shoplifter'. I felt like we did a good job and participated in an energy of 'celebration' and creating the event to be a positive experience that was charged with thoughts of “yeah, we got that kid” and “cool, we stopped a shoplifter”.

When the event happened there was also an energetic rush within myself, feeling 'important' and creating thoughts of 'yeah I stopped that kid and got him back into the building', wanting to remain within a point of self-validation for having done something 'cool' that others would 'appreciate'.

Walking out, speaking to the kid, and walking back, I was in a state of excitement and my mind was racing. It was a rush of feeling very exuberant and 'pumped up'. So I see now that I had created this experience within myself of feeling good, wanting to validate myself as having done something 'cool', being able to 'trade stories' with the others about how we used to 'handle' shoplifters, indulging in memory and gossip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within the moment of hesitation and not 'springing into action' in time to stop the boy from leaving the store

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not 'doing my job' because the boy got out of the store

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'redeem myself' for having 'not done my job'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and redemption after getting the boy to walk back in to the store.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have all of the 'credit' for getting the boy to come back into the store.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'incompetent'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incompetent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'incompetent' is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not 'good enough' to be respected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'respect' is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my own self-judgment within correcting myself and letting go of the self-definition of 'incompetent'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of wanting to 'prove' that I am not 'incompetent' to others by seeking validation/attention/credit/praise within gossiping with others and wanting to assert my own claim within stopping the boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stifle myself in the moment when I saw that I can move myself and stop the boy before he got out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to self-doubt when I saw the moment where I was able to do something but instead retreated within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment of seeing that I am able to go and stop this boy, instead doubt myself and give in to fear that I will mess up and do something 'wrong'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard what other people will think of me as being 'more important' than what is going on here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within wanting to protect my image in front of my co-workers and not wanting to make a 'mistake' in front of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment of hearing Jason notify the staff about the boy leaving with shoes to not get up and wait to see if anyone else was going to respond so that I did not have to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist taking responsibility so that I am able to remain within and as my comfort-zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reactive self-judgment for having doubted myself and stifled myself in that moment of not taking action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'hold onto' the self-judgment of not having 'taken action'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'supposed to' take action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less because I did not do something that I was 'supposed to do'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'wrong' that I did not 'spring into action'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'wrong' to have not been there to stop the boy 'on time'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I did something 'wrong' within not responding immediately, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as 'right' or 'wrong'.

I stop. I see that I had been holding on to morality within this event and within and as myself. I stop living the 'story' of 'good' and 'bad'. What happened was specific in that I had stifled myself within self-doubt, but I am able to learn from this and expand myself. I correct myself and do not allow self to stifle self within self-doubt. I dare to live in the moment and move myself within self-trust. If I make a mistake I can, I will, and I do correct myself again.

I stop participating in wanting to hold myself within a picture presentation around my co-workers. I let go of all energy and memories and judgments of what I 'should' or 'should not' have done and live HERE within self-corrective application in the moment within and as each breath.

I see that I have created and participated within a system-design and pattern of 'covering' and 'redeeming' myself when I make a 'mistake' or when I experience myself as 'not living up to a standard'. This is also tied to me creating 'standards' as projections that I want to live as but do not trust self to actually do what it takes to live that in fact and not as a projection. I stop this. I am able, willing, and I DO live what it takes to manifest myself in fact as what is best for all as my fullest potential. This is a process and I will and DO walk until this is done. I stop looking back over my stumbles and falls and continue moving forward as I adjust and correct myself. I stop counting my missteps and looking back and judging myself for all the times I did not remain HERE within what I am doing and seeing that I am in fact moving myself.

I stop looking back and focusing on the points where I have 'failed' and was not 'good enough' and allow self to see how far I have come. I continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear accepting and embracing myself totally and unconditionally AS self within my current 'flaws' and limitations and realize that I am not those limitations. As I walk I continue to face these points until I establish my self-correction in fact and no longer require to face these points as time-loops. I care and love myself as life and LIVE this love and care within not allowing self to withdraw back into systems and judge self within and as self-limitation.
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Later, on my walk back from home, i recorded a vlog 'in the moment'. i sat down on a park bench and spoke what was 'here' to speak. i spoke about abusing energy within and as the mind and how that plays our within our world, how we must stop existing as the mind and see what we are doing to ourselves and each other here. i spoke also about the state of things here in california- about prisons having to relocate or release inmates early due to not having enough of a budget to keep prisons running effectively, as well as speaking on the point of police having to be cut back for the same reason, and bringing it all back to the point of what desteni stands for and what we are doing. but as i spoke i went into a point of projection, wherein i stopped speaking for/as self within self-support, and more became a point of 'preaching' and not bringing the points back to self. which again i now see that i would face an immediate consequence for.

ending the recording, i stood up and realized that i must live and integrate these words. and in that moment i experienced myself clear that these are the words that i stand by and will continue to walk until it is here in fact, and there was a moment of clarity within self- yet soon after i noticed myself going back into thoughts and distractions and not being aware of each and every breath.


“ending the recording, i stood up and realized that i must live and integrate these words. and in that moment i experienced myself clear that these are the words that i stand by and will continue to walk until it is here in fact, and there was a moment of clarity within self- yet soon after i noticed myself going back into thoughts and distractions and not being aware of each and every breath.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of realizing that I am walking and standing by what I spoke on within the vlog, go into a point of self-doubt and allow myself to become distracted within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as I was speaking and recording, shift into a point of 'preaching' instead of speaking words for and as self within self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to shift the focus away from self out of not trusting self within walking and standing as my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to live up to my words as a self-manipulation to remain within and as my self-definitions and self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a point of energy when speaking- projecting and 'speaking into words' instead of sticking to brutal self-honesty in the moment and keeping on point within self-support within the recording.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that others hear my words and be 'moved' by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto others what I see I must walk and apply for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment of realizing that I must walk and live those words go into a point of fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not 'able' to stand absolute within and as those words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within that recording, speak into and as the mind instead of sticking to self-honest words for and as self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-judgment and self-doubt when noticing that I had slipped back into and as the mind as I was walking and within this going into a point of wanting to 'redeem' myself and wanting to live as those words – wanting to 'prove' that I can live those words.

So I see that the practical self-correction here is to be strict with self within all words that are written/spoken and to be aware of what I am accepting and allowing within my world by the words that I am placing/speaking.

I stop all idealism and 'preaching' and stick to common sense practicality. I stop all philosophizing and speaking from a point of separation from those who might listen to or read my words. I speak what I see and what I live. I stick to bringing it back to self as I share.

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what happened shortly after was an immediate and incredibly specific manifested consequence-

on the walk home i noticed 3 young men standing at the edge of a curb on the sidewalk, seeming to look at me and the look back between themselves as i approached. within me i there there was 'something up' with these guys from the way there were all looking at me and speaking amongst themselves from across the street.
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“on the walk home i noticed 3 young men standing at the edge of a curb on the sidewalk, seeming to look at me and the look back between themselves as i approached. within me i there there was 'something up' with these guys from the way there were all looking at me and speaking amongst themselves from across the street.”

Within me there was an 'instinctual' hunch within myself that these guys were likely to do something, judging by the way they were looking at me and gesturing between each other. It is fascinating seeing how much body language actually communicates. I 'knew' that they were set on me as a 'target' but it was not a 'knowing' from the perspective of the mind. It was more of a 'recognizing' the stance and general expression of the three young men.

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i continued on walking, dismissing my initial 'gut reaction'. one of them approached me and said "hey give me all your shit", to which I replied "what?"

in that moment i knew exactly what he was wanting from me, but asked "what?" in order to buy myself time as i looked around my environment. there was fear within me of not wanting to get hurt and not wanting for one of them to pull out a weapon and attack me, but as i stood there taking in my surroundings i was clear that i was not going to give in and participate in the fear. i was standing in an area that was not lit and it was quite dark, and up ahead of me a few feet away was a spot of light and a gentleman walking up the street approaching.

the young man responded "Give me all your shit. Give me your cell phone."

It was clear that he and the two young guys with him were ready to do something, but still i did not participate in giving in to panic even though there was fear within me. at that moment i checked again at the spot of light and the gentleman walking up, and decided that if they were going to attack me, i would make it to that spot of light and the other gentleman would witness the attack and perhaps help me or go and fetch help. i kept on walking and said "i don't think so."

"oh, you don't think so, huh?" replied the young man, reaching into his pocket. At that point i turned my head and kept walking towards the lighted spot and towards the other gentleman and did not look back.

in moments i had crossed into the lighted spot and the gentleman walked by me... and the young men from the curbside did not follow or engage me... but immediately in that moment i experienced a deep fear and self-judgment for not warning the other man and experiencing myself as using him as 'leverage' for my own escape without making sure that he was not going to be approached the same way. i kept walking and was afraid to stay any longer and wanted to put more distance between me and those young men.

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I see that in that moment of facing the young man I did trust myself within not giving in to the fear even though the fear was 'present' within and as me. I saw that the fear was not in any way necessary. That if something did happen, it would happen and there was no sense in me going into panic or giving in out of that fear. So within brutal self-honesty I see that it was a cool indicator of where I currently stand within that point- seeing that even though there was fear and thoughts, I did not allow self to be controlled in that specific moment and walked myself out both literally and figuratively.

Where I see I am not directing myself is the point of 'redemption' and 'self-doubt'. I did not give in to the energy until the thought of the man passing by next to me and walking into the area where the three young men were. The specific thought was NOT from a starting-point that was a noble 'I want to do the right thing' (even if it was, it is not real or of any actual value and is simply another form of mind-fuck), but rather the thought stemmed from 'what will people think of me if I allow this man to simply walk into those guys?'

So the thought was still obviously self-interest and ego – wanting to ensure that I am standing by the words that I spoke in the recording, fearing that I would not be able to live up to those words, and now having the point of fearing what others may think learning that I had allowed a man to walk into a group of muggers while 'using him as cover for my own escape'. This is quite fucked up mind-logic and justification, where the mind/ego is portraying itself to be 'caring about the fellow man' while actually looking out for self-interest. This is not acceptable. This is precisely the duplicitous and manipulative deception that is allowed within and as the mind of humanity and I do not stand for this.

I take responsibility for this point within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help the man and make sure that he was not mugged by the three muggers that I had gotten away from from a starting point of fearing what others would say/think of me if I had 'disregarded' him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the man in fact by participating within and as my mind/ego in wanting to 'save/rescue' him from a starting point of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out the design of the 'redemption demon' wherein I want to redeem myself as a self-image so that I can justify remaining within and as a self-limitation and not actually change self and face self within brutal self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a 'hero' and claim for myself a point of 'redemption' and 'validation' just as I had done earlier in the day with the boy who attempted to steal shoes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate in that moment- seeing that I was able to speak and say to the man not to continue that way and to avoid the muggers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment of hesitation, go into self-judgment and wanting to redeem myself.

I STOP.

I do not accept or allow myself to judge myself for not having lived up to an ideal based on self-interest and wanting to be seen as/accepted as something by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to know what is 'best for all' and to desire standing as an example of that without having fully walked my process of self-perfection.

I forgive myself that I have created for myself these loops of facing who and what I am within projecting myself as the image of a 'savior' and 'leader', wanting to have attention and validation as a way to not deal with my own self-judgment and not accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk within and as humbleness and self-honesty with who and what I currently exist as, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'accelerate' myself into a future projection of being 'stable' in all points and having 'authority' to assist others – here indicating that I am in separation from self and self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain self-honest and humble with where I am within my process.

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having 'gotten away', i kept walking for another few blocks, and within me was brewing a storm of self-judgment over 'disregarding' the other man whom i feared was being accosted by the young men and i had simply 'abandoned' him to fend for himself while having used him for 'cover'. i became possessed by morality and judging myself as having failed to live the words that i had just spoke in the vlog i recorded, and wanted to 'do the right thing' and 'redeem myself', but was too afraid to head back. i kept walking until i got to a main street where there were lots of lights and people, feeling terrible about myself within self-judgment. i noticed a gentleman walking out of a convenience store and headed up the street where i was at... i asked if he was headed up the way and informed him of the three gentlemen there. i noticed also an older woman headed up the way and told the man to warn her about it. at this point i was in a state of energetic possession, wanting to 'save' that man that i had 'doomed' and 'disregarded'.

i called the police, gave my report to an operator, and waited for an officer to arrive to speak with me. after a few moments a police car drove by with sirens on, speeding through traffic and heading in the direction of where the three gentlemen were. i waited there for some time, not sure if i was to stay there, but i did not want to continue waiting and wanted to get back to getting home, so i walked up the street to where i saw 3 police cars as well as the 3 young gentlemen sitting on the curbside across the way. standing at the opposite side of the street i called out "officer, may i have a word with one of you?", not wanting to get onto the same side of the street where the three young gentlemen were. an officer came and spoke with me and i gave him my report and details.

The officer informed me that two of them were under 18 and one was a run-away. he asked “so what do you want to do? Do you want them to go to jail?”

I see that I wanted to omit this part of the 'story' and have suppressed it within shame and not wanting to expose this for myself – so I stop and let go of the point of shame which is only protecting dishonesty.

I told the officer that I want them to go to jail. I see now that I was still in a point of wanting 'vindication' and 'redemption' for having 'failed to assist the other man' and wanted to feel better about myself by sending those kids to jail.

The officer informed me that I would have to appear in court and testify in order to proceed with putting them in jail – and it was at that point that I decided against it. I did not want to be 'bothered' with having to appear in court and having to actually face them as well as face myself. I saw that my want for 'justice' was out of self-interest, and here I was not wanting to proceed with jailing the young men out of 'inconvenience' to myself – quite fucked up.

The officer told me they were from a different area and should not be back in this neighborhood again, and that the run-away would definitely not be back again. I told the officer that I would not be pressing charges after all – partly because I did not want to go through with a court proceeding, and partly because I saw that I was wanting 'justice' out of self-interest and that I was not actually considering all points and was not clear within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was doing 'the right thing' by calling the police.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to a situation out of self-interest and ego within wanting to defend and protect my own self-definitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to expose the point that I did not want to press charges because I did not want to have to go to court and go through the proceedings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek vindication and redemption for having 'failed to assist the other man' and not wanting to be blamed should anything have happened to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by emotional reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as 'morality'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as 'doing the right thing'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek 'justice' out of a sense of self-satisfaction so that I am able to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those 3 young men within not taking into consideration what they represent within myself and within existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I knew what was best and to project that upon my world in recording a vlog in which I began to preach the message of stopping abuse, as well as allowing self to feel self-righteous in calling the police and 'stopping crime', not taking into full consideration all points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for 'folding' and not 'standing by my words' when I declined to press charges

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in that moment allow self to speak words out of self-righteousness/ego instead of remaining brutally self-honest within clarity of what is best for all and taking responsibility for and as my own points instead of trying to 'fix' the world outside of me without fully understanding/seeing what is going on and how I am personally responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can simply 'stop the mind' and live as an example and change the world without walking through all that I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'righteous' and a 'hero' and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to protect that self-definition through attempting to redeem myself for failing to live up to those self-definitions within calling the police and making a show out of wanting to press charges and acting 'on behalf of others who may be attacked by these boys'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment speaking with the police across from the three young men on the curb experience and allow the feeling of self-satisfaction in having 'redeemed' myself as my self-definition and self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having 'seen' this before and to have allowed self to fall into the design of the ego/mind.

I STOP.

I am not a 'hero'. I am not here to 'save' anybody. I am here to stand up for and as oneness and equality for all life and I do this in humility and humbleness beginning with myself and taking on all points within myself, and directing my world from a starting-point of clarity instead of ego.

_____________________________________________________________________________

i continued back down the street. a car 'randomly' drove by and somebody flipped me the fucker and yelled 'fuck you!' as the car sped off. within me i saw that i was wanting to create more thoughts and participate within reacting to such a 'random' incident, but stopped myself.

at this point it was clear that this was a 'test'- and that i must not create any energy/mind around this, as i had spoken about in the recording i had made. for the most part i was stable within self, but then after a short while i had a lot of thoughts and pictures coming up as well as having energy over what had happened... i tried to focus on being here and breathing but it was not enough to dissipate the energy. i called Lindsay and spoke to her about what happened, and she assisted me within giving her perspective and sharing the support of not making this into an 'event' where i am holding on to it as a point of energy/gossip within myself- creating it to be something special or exciting. this was fantastic support as i saw in that moment that was indeed having points of forming ideas and creating an 'event' out of it all.

i spoke out loud and said self-forgiveness on the points as i walked home. i saw for myself that i must not create any ideas or participate within any thoughts about what happened - that i must let go of the event entirely. as i continued home i saw the temptation of gossiping about this to my roommates and stopped it. i got home, and one of my roommates asked about my night and i shared what had happened but did not go into energy or wanting to gossip- simply sharing what had transpired without attachment- but then a second roommate came and asked, and when i shared i participated within energy and going into a point of gossip about the cops arriving and getting the three young men- thus having allowed myself to fall on the point of not allowing self to gossip.

I called Lindsay and we spoke about what happened and she exposed the point that i was still holding on to the energy and wanting to create and participate within the stories of the event within self, and exposed the point of me wanting to be a 'hero' and 'save the day' as well as wanting to 'redeem' myself out of self-judgment and guilt. she assisted me within seeing that what had happened was indeed specific, but what happened has happened and i must let go of all energy and let go of wanting to hold on to this experience as an energy point to exist within. also, the point to consider that i have been participating in some fears related to money lately and that this was a way for me to see the consequences of accepting and allowing self to participate in fears of not having money, which is actually manifesting in this world the experience of needing money and being willing to 'do anything' to get some money.

i see also the point of speaking words and living them as well as stopping doubting myself and being consistent within bringing all points back to self instead of going into a mode of 'preaching' to 'others'. i also see the point of being fully aware of self at all times and to be direct and brutal within the application of stopping all thoughts and projections as well as wanting to 'make up for' or 'redeem myself' over points where i did not immediately act in a way that i would have preferred to act- such as springing into action to stop the boy from shoplifting earlier during work, or making sure that the man who was walking up the street when i was approached by the three young men did not get attacked or mugged.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to, within not immediately moving self when the boy was leaving the store with stolen shoes on, judge myself as 'unworthy'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'redeeming' myself instead of letting go of the mind completely and seeing that redemption is a polarity manifestation of abdication.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-will and self-movement within wanting to redeem myself to another.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire holding on to this point of 'almost getting robbed' within gossip within my secret mind.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regard this event as 'something special'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conceptualize and internalize all of these events in order to come to some special 'understanding' that will prevent this kind of consequential play-out instead of seeing that I am able to 'take on' the point within self-correction through practical living and adjusting/correcting self as I walk.

I have flagged this point of 'savior' and 'redemption' for myself as well as the point of wanting to project what it means to 'stop the mind' instead of sharing myself as a practical example by living the actual application of stopping the mind.

I walk, I continue. I share and speak as SELF and no longer accept self to speak words that I have not/do not live in practical application. I stand as humbleness within this process and bring it all back to SELF.

Stop Self-Doubt! Applying the equality equation and accumulating self-trust

There is so much to write about that for the last 10 minutes i have been writing sentences and paragraphs only to immediately delete them, having judged the words, the content, or the subject to be 'not good enough'.

so here I am going to take on the point/pattern within myself of doubting myself and allowing self to give up due to comparing myself to others or to an ideal that i have created within my mind.

this is a point that has been opening up for some time now and the more i allow myself to 'step into it' the more i am able to see it's design and the more effective i am in stopping and removing this pattern within myself.

the design of this system is such that i will often take on a new project and be very excited about it, and i will go into creating thoughts and projections and pictures of all the things i would want to accomplish within the project. what then occurs is i will be mesmerized by the picture and projected desire of what i want and then i will see that i am not at a stage where i am able to manifest that desire immediately.

what happens next is that i go into another form of projection, where instead of looking at all the cool things that i wanted, i go into a mode of fear and projecting myself into pictures and thoughts of messing things up and having wasted time and losing credibility with self and with others for not accomplishing something that i had said i would do. in having projected myself into this future failure, i then react to 'save' myself by stopping and giving up on the project so that i do not have to face the possibility of having to fall from a greater height.

this point of 'holding back' and 'waiting' is something that i see is incredibly limiting, as all things that spring from the mind-consciousness system are. specifically the point of 'holding back' and 'waiting' keep me in a self created downward spiral where i am constantly seeking the next big project to 'redeem myself' with, and then going into fear that i won't be able to 'pull it off', having already created an idea and desired result/outcome. and what happens within this kind of a loop is because i have the desire to redeem myself by finally pushing through and accomplishing something, i immediately go into memory of past attempts to 'redeem myself' and immediately the pressure builds, seeing that if i fail again this time, it would be another point where i have 'failed' and must have further 'redemption', which leads me to seek a bigger, better project with which to redeem myself through, and then the pattern repeats.

so the practical solution here is NOT to allow any points of giving up, and at the same time NOT participating or allowing any starting-point other than self-movement.

I see that in holding on to wanting to prove something of myself all i am doing is reiterating the fact that i am lacking and must prove myself, and from that starting point all that i do would be for the sake of getting the 'reward' of validation and redemption and would NOT be an act of actual self-movement and self-expression, thus it is doomed from the get-go to die out when the energy driving it dissipates.

so within this act of committing to write each and every day, i stand and i take this point on, and i clear myself of all desires and thoughts of wanting/needing to 'not mess up on this one' in order to redeem myself from my past and to validate who i am as an ego.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to write each and every day in order to prove that i am able to commit to something and see it through

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to keep up with writing each and every single day and fearing what people might think.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write from a starting point of wanting to redeem myself and be validated by others.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within fears of not knowing what to write or not knowing if my writing is 'good enough'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write for others in return for validation and acceptance instead of writing for and as self within self-dedication

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing a day of writing as a projected fear associated with me not being able to then 'redeem' myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'redeem' myself as my past

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention and acceptance from others who walk with desteni and are taking on this point of daily writing

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to write what my mind/ego/personality deems to be fitting in order to gain validation and acceptance.

I STOP.

I do not allow myself to participate within trying to redeem myself through my daily writing

I write each day as a self-movement wherein I accumulate through time and consistency self-trust and self-will to do whatever it takes to stand by my words and principles.

I write each day to stabilize and support myself within clearing up the words that I write, the words that I speak, and the words that I live.

I write each day to assist and support myself in letting go of the mind and putting myself out and sharing my process within and as humility and humbleness, baring all points and all secrets.

I write each day as an act of self-care, exposing self to self and daring to actually hold myself accountable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i require to be redeemed.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my past and thus project my fears into the future

I establish for myself self-will each day as i write about what is here in my world, what is here within myself, and i correct myself and align myself to what is best for all as i write.

I apply myself within all that i do within the consideration of the equality equation of 1+1=2, accumulating with each breath, each day, what is best for all and expanding myself to reach my full potential in this life.

I stop giving up when things seem hard.
I stop giving up because I cannot immediately have things the way I want.
I stop demanding that things go the way I planned.
I let go of all fear that if things are not going well or things are not looking like the way i pictured then I am not doing it right and will eventually fail.

I walk no matter what, and I do not give up.

I shall apply this within all that I do - until it is done.

From self-spite to self-correction - Purifying and Re-establishing Self-Trust within Self-Writing

Recently I have been experiencing myself going into points of 'lock-down' during which I experience myself as possessed by the mind/ego, where I experience myself as though sinking endlessly into a pit within and as myself, diminishing to a point where I am not able to speak or move and am completely in a state of reaction, emotion, and defensiveness within and as the mind/ego.

Even now there is a resistance to writing and opening up these points. I have just gotten off from a skype call with Lindsay, and I am seeing how I as the 'tragic hero' mind am creating excuses and justifications in order to remain within my 'comfort zone' within limitation, self definition, and self interest in order to not actually have to face my own fears and actually walk the point of change, which is not acceptable for one who is going to walk this process. I now must answer for myself within self honesty where I stand within process and where I stand within the agreement with Lindsay, as I have been 'dealing with' this point for the past few days and have not directed myself within self-correction and self-directive writing.

The relevant point I see here at the moment is the resistance to writing, which I have created for myself through participating in thoughts, ideas, and projections of me 'having a hard time with this writing' and wanting to be able to 'get it all out', thus limiting myself within having projected an idea and expectation of what my self-corrective writing should look like- which is an obvious point of self-manipulation wherein I am undermining my own stance within self-support within self-writing, in wanting to have it be a certain way I am saying that I as ego want to have full control over my writing within holding on to my self-definitions, 'knowing' that if I allow myself to fully go into self-writing I will see the points clearly and be able to actually move and direct myself within stopping and letting go of my self-definition, and will also have to actually change, which is the point that I fear, the point that I am allowing myself within self interest to hold onto.

So I am here to write and expose myself to myself in order to establish my standing within this point and correct all points of self abuse and self dishonesty for myself. At the moment I am having the thought of “I do not trust my words” and there is a thought of wanting to 'give up' because I am a 'fucker' – which is coming from thoughts and memories of Bernard and Sunette's videos in which often it is mentioned that one who is not actually going to stand should fuck off and those who have abused self forgiveness will not be able to trust self forgiveness and will have to walk this process without it. Okay, self-direction here.

I take responsibility for this thought that I have accepted and allowed within myself of “I cannot trust my words and thus I should fuck off because I won't actually change.”, as this thought has come up a few times now within the last few days.

This thought is me saying within and as my ego, within and as my self-definitions, that I cannot trust my words – which is an excuse and total abdication of myself. For if I cannot trust my words then I cannot trust myself, for within accepting the thought and belief that I cannot trust my words I am accepting and allowing self to exist as the belief that I cannot direct myself and that my ego/mind is indeed 'greater'. Ok- in writing this sentence I had a moment of 'wandering off' towards the end- so I stop and see for myself that I as ego do not want to see this point- thus this is an indication of ego wanting 'control'. I stop this now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot trust my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist forgiving myself on this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this point of believing that I cannot trust my words as an excuse to not actually face myself within writing and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to not face myself by believing that I am not able to trust my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within the thought of “I am not able to trust my thoughts” as a self manipulation in order to not push myself and take responsibility for self within self-correction and living as the Living Word within all that I write and speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my ego/mind and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-will and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself as life, as all, as equal within accepting and believing the thought of “I cannot trust my words”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the belief of “I cannot trust my words”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my 'words' as not being trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trustworthiness because it implies accountability and responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to be accountable and responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being accountable and responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my self-definition of 'I am not able to be accountable or responsible' in order to not actually change myself and stop living within and as that self-definition and self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the thoughts of “I cannot trust my words”, “I cannot be accountable”, and “I cannot be responsible”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself within and as limitation in order to not face the point of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my points of limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'hard' and/or 'difficult' to face my points of limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and project pictures and ideas about what facing my self-limitation should 'look like'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my secret mind and create excuses and justifications in order to 'talk myself out of' the point of actually changing and actually letting go of my self-definitions and self-limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'unknown' and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my ego/mind within 'protecting me' as my self-definitions and self-limitations by creating excuses and justifications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within self-definitions and self-limitations of the ego/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self-limitation and self-interest within not wanting to face myself and holding on to my fears so that I do not have to give up my 'comfort zone'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within and as the ego/mind within creating and forming resistance to self-writing.

MC – Do I require more information in order to work through this point of resistance within self-writing? (NO)

MC – Is there self-corrective application required here besides self forgiveness? (Yes)

MC – On indicator change, the self-corrective application to be used (Unlock on Self-Corrective Statements)

I STOP. I take responsibility as self, within self-will and self-trust in each moment for this point. This point stops here and I no longer accept or allow myself to participate within doubting my own words and allowing within myself any thought of “I cannot trust my words”, “I cannot be accountable”, or “I cannot be responsible”.

Till HERE, no further. I stop accepting within and as myself the self-definition and self-limitation of believing and accepting that I cannot trust my words.

I trust my words and walk as self-trust within the words I speak and the words I write and the words I allow myself to think.

I release all thoughts and judgments of not trusting my words and not trusting my application within self-writing and self-forgiveness.

I trust self within and as my application of self-writing to support myself to see self within self-honesty.

I trust self within and as my application of self-forgiveness as self-support for taking responsibility for the points that I reveal for myself within self-writing.

I STOP writing within and as the mind. When I notice myself writing as the mind I stop, breathe, forgive myself for all points within me, and then continue writing. I will not accept or allow myself to participate within not trusting my own words and not trusting my application of self-writing as an excuse to remain within and as my self-limitation.

MC – Are more self-corrective statements required for me to work with on this point? (NO)

MC – Is more information required? (Yes)

MC – Indicator/Change – (unlocked on 'more self-writing')


Ok, I am experiencing much more clarity within self-writing at the moment. I see how I have created for myself an 'epic struggle' within having accepted and allowed within myself the point of believing that my words cannot be trusted and that I have 'abused self forgiveness', which was a way for me to go into an experience of self-reactive manipulation wherein I place myself into an emotional experience of despair and despondency in order to exist within that bubble of energy and not actually face and direct myself within what is going on in my actual participation within the world.

I see this is what has been happening within me for the past several days when the points of 'ego', 'control', 'not trusting self', and 'rushing' were opened up and exposed within participating in writing documents with Lindsay and having points of ego and wanting to be in control came up.

In relation to me going into the point of having accepted and believed that I cannot trust my words and that I had abused self-forgiveness and thus cannot trust myself within self-writing – I created for myself a way to abdicate completely my responsibility within correcting myself and actually stopping the self-definition I had been existing within and as.

Earlier in the day when it had been suggested by Lindsay that I do self-writing on the points that were coming up of me not trusting myself, internalizing and wanting to hide from Lindsay, me rushing and not being HERE, me projecting failure and thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, and me wanting to 'cover all bases' and not be 'exposed' from a starting-point of self-interest, I began writing and saw that I was still in the state of 'rushing' and wanting to 'get something done' from the starting-point of the ego/mind and was not actually directing myself within the point of self-writing, wherein I was writing 'just to write' and was not self honestly exposing what was going on inside of me. In that moment I allowed myself to participate within the excuse and justification of “I cannot trust my words” and did not push through the point. Instead, I allowed myself to go into points of 'panic' watching the clock and participating in thoughts of “I have to be at work soon”, “I don't have enough time to cover all the points”, “I am writing from a mind-possession state and I am not clear”, and did not in that moment direct myself within self-correction and had allowed myself to trust the excuses formed within and as my ego/mind.

It takes only ONE moment of giving in to the ego, as I had already experienced within writing the agreement manifesto with Lindsay- ONE point of allowing the ego/mind will set up a ticking time bomb that must and will explode into a manifested consequential play-out of ego/mind possession. Here I had participated within trusting the ego/mind and not standing HERE within self-trust and self-honesty to take responsibility for my fears and to push through and stop accepting limitation within self and within existence. Here, I had participated within ego and did not clear myself and did not move myself within self-direction and self-correction, and had to face the point of total ego/mind lock-down as a consequence.

Anything less that who and what we are as life, as one, as equal IS ego/mind and self-definition/self-limitation, and the ego is always aware, always at the ready, to slip in unnoticed when/if one is not present within and as breath and self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not correct myself and apply myself within self-writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements and self-corrective practical living in the moment immediately when the point of resistance and ego/mind became exposed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and undermine my own self-honesty and self-trust by abdicating to my ego/mind within accepting and allowing self to internalize and go along with the ego/mind interpretation of the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information instead of remaining HERE within self-movement to correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-spite and self-abuse which has now resulted in a consequential play-out of me going into energetic possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt the self-support and practicality of writing and pushing through all resistances to writing no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and trust the ego/mind instead of sticking to the principle of writing out all points from a starting-point of self-honesty and self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist giving self the time and to have not cared about self enough to break through the resistance formed within and as ego/mind within and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself within accepting the enslavement of the mind-consciousness system by accepting myself as the ego/mind.

I STOP. I no longer doubt myself within the practicality of self-writing as self-support to establish self-honesty and allow self to care for self within revealing all points and exposing all points of mind-consciousness enslavement within and as ego/mind.

I move myself within writing to support self in self-realization and within this I allow myself to develop and accumulate self-trust and self-intimacy, seeing in to me.

I dedicate myself and re-establish for self this point of self-support through self-writing.

I direct myself to correct myself within and as the words that I speak and write.


MC – Is further corrective application required for this point? (NO)


Ok- I am clear now on the point of self-writing as self-support and no longer allowing within myself any reason or justification or excuse from the ego/mind whatsoever and I walk through and let go of all resistances to exposing self within self-writing.

Now, I will continue on to the points that I have been working with which are the points of not trusting myself, rushing, and wanting to be 'in control' which I see now are similar to the point of resisting writing in that they are points of self-definition within and as ego that I am not walking a manifested consequence of for having accepted and allowed to exist within and as me. I will end this segment of writing and continue on to the next point.