Thursday, November 15, 2012
It is so very tempting within this process of self-honesty and self-change to want to simply 'give up' when it seems like things are not working - when it seems like the principles and realizations that one has had within self-writing and self-forgiveness and developing self-honesty as we participate in our daily living are just 'too far out' from the current patterns and relationships that we require to walk through first, and when one sees that one's participation in this world, and one's participation in one's own mind - in thoughts, reactions, pictures, feelings, and emotions is NOT supporting us to actually live and take responsibility for our creation and our participation - that is often when I find the point of wanting to 'give up' to be the strongest - it is when the moment of actually having to walk through our breaking point - the moments where we have to push ourselves deliberately through our fears and resistances and self-definitions and DARE to keep going especially when we have no actual idea who or what we will be 'on the other side' - through that breaking point - because up until now this breaking point is all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live as - and all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as.
There can be many such 'breaking points' for each individual depending on the nature of that individual's specific life and the relationships and conflicts that have most influenced a person's beingness - these breaking points are the moments where we give in and abdicate ourselves the most, and have done so repeatedly throughout our lives. This could be from personal issues that stem from family pressure and preprogramming, or social pressures where one repeatedly made a decision to diminish oneself in order to 'fit in', or where one has developed specific coping mechanisms to deal with internal conflicts and instead of facing those points in one's actual reality, on instead constantly and continuously would resort to the coping mechanism and that point would become a 'breaking point' because the being has never actually stood up and walked through the fear and anxiety and has never 'seen' who they are beyond that breaking point.
Often in my process I had gotten to such breaking points and did not push myself through, and rather gave in and said "Screw it - I quit. I can't do this." and in that statement I actually compounded and intensified that breaking point because I deliberately made that point bigger than myself and deliberately made the decision to diminish myself so as not to have to take responsibility for myself and walk through that self-created fear and limitation.
The fascinating thing is that I would ALWAYS end up right back at the exact same issue and would again have to face that same decision - over a long period of having to walk the consequences of NOT pushing myself through this point before - again I am faced with the breaking point where I had previously given up and though that by 'giving up' this point would disappear... because apparently I said "I quit. I give up. I do not want to face the consequences" and actually expected for this world, this reality, to simply honor my request to NOT face reality simply because I decided it was 'too much' for me.
This world is a world of direct consequence and accumulation - it is never personal and will NOT respond personally. This reality does NOT honor the illusions that we create for ourselves such as fear/resistance or our 'good intentions'. The only actual and reliable output that one can trust is one and equal to the actual participation and actual input that one lives and applies - meaning it does not matter how sorry or regretful one is about mistakes or decisions of the past - the consequences are already HERE and cannot be undone - and often it is when one comes face to face with actual consequence that one actually LEARNS and realizes one's responsibility - and it is that moment of realization of responsibility that the "I give up" tactic comes up as a 'last ditch effort' to not face the consequence and basically "surrender" because we admit to "guilt" and decide to in a way punish ourselves by secluding ourselves and isolating ourselves - but this is actually self-interest - because us hiding ourselves away and us throwing a pity party over our mistakes and trying to remove ourselves from facing and walking through the consequences does NOT in any way redeem us - nor does it in any way actually address the point of self-responsibility and change within seeing what we have accepted and allowed and thus created in this world.
In this world, we have prison systems that are based upon the premise that if one does something bad, one gets punished by getting removed from society and getting put away where one has to learn their lesson and be deprived of any relevant or purposeful participation in society - as though this in any way addresses or takes into consideration HOW and WHY a person came to the decision of committing the crime (assuming they were in fact guilty). And depending on the 'severity 'of the crime a person can, after having served their punishment, possibly re-integrate into the society that banished them - but NOTHING of actual relevance was done to address HOW and WHY that crime came to be in the first place - and such criminals may find themselves yet again repeating the same crime or falling back into the criminal world because no actual consideration or correction was ever implemented. The crimes continue not because there are not enough prisons - but because we 'give up' on those we deem to be criminals.
Similarly, we make ourselves prisoners to our own guilt and shame and self-judgment, and we 'give up' on ourselves and remain in our prisons of self-definition and fear and resistances instead of realizing that by pushing ourselves through the resistance and DARING to look beyond what we think we know of ourselves and break through our breaking points - we realize that the guilt was never necessary - the shame was never necessary - and the punishment and giving up was never actually real or even possible - because always we return to ourselves - always we face ourselves - and how long it takes before we have finally 'had enough' and finally give ourselves the will to walk through no matter what is only a matter of 'time' - though to consider that we do not have infinite numbers of chances to see ourselves and change ourselves - the consequences of our not standing up effect not only us, but everyone in our lives that will be affected due to our not taking responsibility and having to create a time-loop that prolongs everyone's process.
Thus - when facing a point of wanting to give up, realize that giving up now will only make it harder to stop and will only make the process of correction longer and more painful - because saying "I give up" and "I quit" does not remove us from consequence and only places us in a point of waiting - waiting for consequences to blow up again and cause enough havoc in our lives that we return to reality and realize that "giving up" is not possible. We WILL end up right back at the same point - though when we face the point again we will have gone through pain and diminishment and the process will be more painful - thus best to always push through such breaking points and save ourselves from unnecessary self-abuse.
Self-Forgiveness on "Giving Up"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that things will get easier or circumstances can become better without my actual participation and direction, and thus when things get difficult and I am faced with having to walk through a breaking point, to deceive and manipulate myself into "giving up" and hoping that 'next time' things will be better - when the obvious common sense would be that if something isn't working right now, and my potential future is always an outflow of my present moment, then it is clear that whatever I am not effectively facing here in this moment will NOT get any easier in the future and if anything will only compound into a 'bigger' problem due to the amount of time that is wasted in running away and hoping for something outside of myself to sort out my problems and issues.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the idea and belief that if I allow myself to 'give up' and 'walk away' and basically isolate myself and stop participating in my world and in my reality because I was apparently 'not strong enough' to face my responsibilities and my consequences, then this makes me somehow 'noble' because I am 'punishing myself' by removing myself from being a 'problem' when in fact all I am doing is hiding myself from responsibility and hoping that while I am 'gone' somebody else will come along and fix the messes that I have made.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "giving up" and making a decision to give in to my fears and resistances and self-interest and thus accepting a life of limitation, diminishment, and self-dishonesty is in any way acceptable or that this somehow removes me from still having to face and walk the consequences of my acceptances and allowances whether I think I am 'strong enough' or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-responsibility and making actual decisions and commitments when in fact self-responsibility and self-direction are the most powerful tools one is able to utilize to ensure that we stop existing in cycles of diminishment and fear - but rather ensure that in each moment we are always moving ourselves to the best of our ability and leaving no room for doubt or self-sabotage - so that even if there are mistakes or problems that arise, we realize that as long as we move and direct ourselves within self-honesty, there are no mistakes and no need for judgment or punishment, and any consequence is a consequence of our own deliberate creation - thus we can adjust and align ourselves again - and LIVE the point of responsibility instead of giving up and pretending that somebody or something else is to blame.
I commit myself to PROVE to myself that giving up is NOT real and can only have power and influence over me when I am blaming and separating myself from my own point of responsibility - and that there will obviously be mistakes and problems that arise within me taking directive control of my life after a lifetime of existing in the mind and giving my power away through fear and self-interest, but with discipline and self-commitment I slowly but surely change my living from a life of consequences and reactions to a life of creation and expression
I see and realize "giving up" is simply not possible because I see and realize the only thing I can actually do is convince myself and trick myself into believing that I am not creating my own consequences, but this trick eventually wears out and I will eventually again have to face my consequences and my responsibility of self-creation no matter what - therefore it is actually in my best interest to push myself through those moments of wanting to give up and move myself through the breaking points while I am HERE and am moving from a point of self-direction instead of having to create consequences for myself because I was unwilling to push and move myself.
Practical Solution -
When and as I see or notice myself accessing the point of "I give up. I can't do this." I stop and I stabilize myself in that moment through breathing and bringing my attention back HERE instead of remaining in my mind - and when I have stabilized myself I instead ask myself the question "If I give up on this now, will I have to still face this point and all of it's consequences eventually? and if so will it be any easier THEN opposed to facing it HERE?" and in this way I bring myself back to a practical self-direction instead of giving up and abdicating myself.
Within this I realize that there are some points that require time and in some contexts it may be best to not rush into a decision without ensuring that I am effectively positioned and prepared - but in this I can still be clear with myself so that my starting point is not "giving up" but simply a practical assessment of where I am now and what I am practically capable of working with - and if at the moment I see I am not stable or effectively positioned to take on a certain point, I am clear with myself and do what I require to do to ensure that I can and I will direct that point when I am able - thus not a 'giving up' but a 'readying for'.
For those facing this point of "Giving Up" and difficulties within making decisions - I HIGHLY suggest checking out the following interviews -
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Whining is where one builds up a case - builds up a sales pitch - and eventually convinces self and gets self to 'buy into' the 'product' for the mind to consume - whining is where one creates and layers excuses and justifications to not do something or face something or take responsibility for something directly -thus whining is the actual first step toward sabotage - toward giving up - toward giving in to that point of consumerism and buying the product that has been marketed, advertised, and sold for profit - but in this case the 'product' that you convince yourself to 'buy' is the product of laziness - the product of getting a temporary relief or a temporary moment of stimulation in the mind where you apparently 'win' and get to have a nice experience within yourself, the product of self-diminishment - and in this transaction who gets the profit? It certainly is not YOU - but rather the 'profit' - the energy that you willingly gave up as part of yourself - went to the mind to create and sustain that experience of "Yay, I got what I wanted" and once the energy is consumed and the experience ends - you are faced with a peculiar problem - you are still having to face and deal with the point that originally presented itself - the point that you initially reacted to and went into resistance toward and then talked yourself out of by selling yourself an experience. So now that the 'product' has been consumed you realize that nothing has actually changed - and now you may find that you have less conviction - less motivation - less SUBSTANCE because you had previously allowed yourself to give in to the resistances and buy the 'easy way out' and try to escape from responsibility only to find that instead you diminished your own self-trust and self-integrity.
An example of this 'whining' tactic that I have observed within myself goes as follows -
Say there is a point that I see I require to direct and take responsibility for. This points requires that I set aside my personal preferences and addictions and that I commit within my responsibility to do something that I, out of self-interest, prefer not to do and have defined as something that is "not fun" and something that is "not worth the time" because I could be doing other, more "fun" things.
Begrudgingly, I then 'deal with it' by going through the motions of what I require to do, doing just the bare minimum - just enough so that I can still tell myself that I am 'really doing it' - yet in my backchat I am still whining - still building up the sales pitch - still telling myself:
"I will get to have fun once this is over with"
"Just get through this... just do the bare requirements... and then go right back to having fun."
"Man, this is stupid... this isn't going to work, but I'm going to TRY.... I will try a little."
At this point I am moving myself mechanically within the point - but here I have NOT made my commitment clear. I have NOT worked through the actual resistances and the actual backchat involved. Here I am already setting myself up for 'failure' because I am not in fact walking what is required to be walked as an actual expression and statement of me - rather I am doing it to 'get something' - which is to be able to, eventually, once I have sabotaged the point sufficiently and can say that this point is just 'not working', I will get to QUIT and GIVE UP because my commitment was never in fact clear in the first place, and thus any excuse - any justification - any 'sales pitch' that I can sell to myself, I will then buy into as my way out.
Back to the example - having gotten my toes wet within a new commitment or taking on a point of responsibility that I am doing begrudgingly and NOT as an actual commitment to self - the backchat will begin to get more and more devious and self-manipulative:
"Okay cool... it looks like I'm doing what I require to do... I am meeting the bare requirements... at least now THEY can't say that I didn't try."
"Man, I can't wait to STOP doing this... this is so much work... this is NOT what I want to be doing."
"Man I am being such a champ... I am being such a good, hard working, dedicated person.... look how long I have lasted so far... look how 'committed' I have been... so this had better be WORTH IT or else!"
"This is NOT working! I am doing what I need to do... I am making myself go through with it and put up with it and deal with it but it is NOT working! What's the point of this if it isn't going to work and I am GIVING UP my time, my focus, my energy, when I could be enjoying myself?"
"It is NOT my fault! Every time it is always just not working out no matter what I DO."
"I KNEW IT! God I was so stupid. I should have quit a long time ago. Obviously it wasn't going to work anyway. I don't even WANT to do that anymore. I gave it my best shot... I gave it my time, and I 'sacrificed' so much. The 'smart' thing to do now is 'cut my losses' and end this and stop WASTING MY TIME."
And voila! The sales pitch sinks in and the reason/justification is accepted and now I am able to QUIT and GIVE UP on the point - not seeing and realizing that from the very beginning - from the very starting-point - the commitment was NOT clear and thus I deliberately allowed backchat and self-manipulation through whining and complaining and thus creating the very context for my own 'giving up' - making a big show along the way of how hard it is, how difficult it is, how much work it is, how much I am 'giving up'... so that once the point has been sufficiently sabotaged, I can point at the big show that I made and say:
"But look! I did try. I did everything I was supposed to do. Now this means it didn't work. I mean, the best thing to do now is to stop - because continuing is just not going to work."
This is how the whining tactic comes full circle and becomes a self-fulfilling 'prophecy', the profit-see, as we profit-seek instead of realize actual value - where we buy into the quick fix and get to have an immediate experience instead of dedicate ourselves to building, shaping, slowly but surely, something that will last far longer than the brief burst of energy - where we sell ourselves out and pave the way for our own giving up and ensuring that we remain diminished instead of pushing ourselves past our own self-created fears and addictions to be able to see who we REALLY are when we are not directed by fears, backchat, resistances, but actually moving ourselves.
So, whenever one makes a commitment and is aligning oneself within a new responsibility or is in the process of establishing a new job, relationship, or change in one's life or living patterns, the STARTING POINT must be clear and the commitment and decision to walk that change must be absolute - otherwise the whiner tactic will start picking away at the weaknesses of one's character and will use one's own self-dishonesty and self-interest against self.
When one sees and notices this point of the "Whiner", which can in a way be seen as a 'salesman' in one's own mind that is trying to earn his next bonus - one is able to immediately stop and realize that one is paving the way forward to failure - to giving up - and to giving the 'salesman' his sales bonus at our own expense.
Here, self-forgiveness on the 'whiner' tactic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and believe that the 'whiner' voices within me that complain and whine and make a big deal out of doing things that I have committed and made a decision to do are who I am, and that the reasoning and logic of those whiner voices must be the reasoning and logic of me - when in fact such voices are simply representations and manifestations of self-interest where I have not cleared up my starting-point within a commitment or decision and will thus 'talk to me' and 'speak to me' in thoughts and pictures of whining and complaining so that eventually I will manifest and make real my own point of self-doubt, self-compromise, and secret desire to 'give up' instead of following through on my commitments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually doing what I decide and commit to do within what I see is best for all and will be a choice/commitment that will honor and support me in being and becoming a trustworthy, effective, and self-motivated person that can stand as a point of change within this world, and thus giving myself backdoors to sabotage myself so that I do not in fact reach my highest potential simply because I have not cleared up my starting-point - have not actually understood the implications of my commitment and my decision, and the consequences of what I will end up creating as my life if I continue allowing myself to fall.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT stop the whiner within me and thus allow myself to listen to the sales pitches of the 'salesman' that is my self-interest and ego not wanting to lose it's biggest customer and willing to do and say anything to make his sale, and to believe that the whining and complaining must be who I am because it is coming from 'me', and seems to be using a voice and thoughts and pictures that have always seemed to be a 'part of me', so thus this 'salesman' must really know intimately who I am and what is best for me - and NOT see or consider until now that I have based an entire life on the deals from this salesman - so much so that I have taken the sales-pitches as backchat on as my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own desires, and thus not actually question the deal that I am making.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am implementing a point that I have not mastered or working on something that requires discipline and consistency in order to practically build something that will in fact last and be of actual support and value to me, not trust myself and not stick to the clarity of my decision and commitment and thus allow myself to be talked into giving up on something simply because I am not able to see and touch the results without first walking the necessary time and commitment, and thus believe that the results will not be there since they are not here now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine and complain within myself instead of STOPPING and realizing that there is a salesman in my mind that is reflecting and showing me my doubts and my fears and my uncertainties - thus it is not to allow myself to give in to the temptation and allow myself to be enticed to give up and not face those points, but rather to walk through those points - utilizing the resistances and the backchat as an indication that my standing is not absolute and therefore requires my direction and attention.
I commit myself to, when and as there is a decision and commitment that I have made and as I am walking this commitment I am see/notice myself complaining that it is hard or it is not working or that I am wasting my time and looking stupid - to STOP and clear up my starting point within making that commitment and decision in the first place and stick to the point that is best for all especially when this decision brings up conflict within me and I am wanting to give up and thus deny myself the gift of self-movement and developing actual self-trust as I shed away the layers of self-definition and self-interest and step back into the LIFE that I am.
I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice myself dramatizing a point and complaining to myself or others that something is hard or not working or just too much while I begrudgingly still do the bare minimum, I STOP and realize that if a point is in fact not working and not practical then I simply stop and there is no debate necessary about it and I simply change and adjust my participation. But if I am experiencing conflict and resistances within a point and yet I am still dragging and pulling myself in it and whining about it, then I am deliberately manipulating myself by NOT giving myself clarity and am paving the way for eventually giving up instead of being directive within what I am doing.
I commit myself to, for such points where I am complaining and whining, slow down and reveal for myself what I am setting myself up for in making such claims, and how/why it is that I am working against myself to sabotage myself - and what it is that I fear to actually face and walk through or let go of, what it is that I fear to embrace and become and change, that I am now whining and complaining about and setting myself up to give up on, and seeing for myself whether it is in fact worth it to give up, knowing that I will eventually have to come back to face this exact point - this exact question again, and perhaps be in a situation that is not as stable or supportive as the one I am currently in - and if I give up now and I do end up in this point again, would I be self-honestly okay with myself and my decision to give up in this moment now?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Most of us are familiar with the term “divide and conquer” and understand the idea that by creative division and separation within a group or a unit, one is able to weaken that group or unit or cause it to become distracted with internal conflicts so that one can have an easier time with conquering and establishing control over that group or unit.
One is able to see that within one's own mind, we are constantly dividing ourselves with the things that we give our attention to in our world. We are constantly going from one point of attention to the next, moving from one personality to another, creating opinions and backchat and judgments about ourselves and everyone else – each time splitting ourselves and separating ourselves from being HERE and being aware of who we are and what we are participating in and the consequences that result from our acceptances and allowances.
A big problem with this, is that we will tend to actually fight for and defend our divided attentions – proclaiming that it is our 'right' to think as we wish and give our attention to whatever we wish and participate in whatever we wish because nobody should get to control us – and within this very fear of being controlled and thus defending and reinforcing our fear by rallying against anything or anyone that may be a threat to our 'individuality' – we separate ourselves from ourselves – we separate ourselves from everything that is in fact HERE and instead fight for the 'right' to exist as an individual within only our minds.
This is perfect for those who understand how to control and manipulate the attention and desires of 'individuals' – because individuals will always seek to fulfill their own desires, and will look for ways to make their opinions real – to make their self-interest real – and will thus follow and give their attention to the things that will support their self-beliefs – all the while convinced that their thoughts, their desires, the things that they give their attention to – are out of their own 'free will' when in fact those who have understood how the mind operates and how to convince people to accept ideas and beliefs and then to fight for such ideas and beliefs amongst each other have been utilizing this very tactic of divide and conquer to ensure that humanity does not ever realize the ONE THING that would set humanity free from the confusion and madness and the endless strife and conflict – and that ONE THING is the realization of Self-Attention.
Why is Self-Attention the point that would free humanity from control and in fact ensure that nobody will be able to misdirect or manipulate us? Because as long as we continue to give our attention to that which is separate from ourselves – that which is placed into the systems of this world that tell us how to feel, what to look at, what to belief, how to behave, or what to think – we will always miss the point of OURSELVES as one and equal with this existence – meaning we actually give up our point of equality and the ability to direct what is here as an equal and one participant and co-creator in this world – in favor of trying to protect and defend values and ideas and beliefs that are given to us, indoctrinated into us – impulsed onto us constantly and repeatedly until we accept it as our own. Then we give our attention to the things in the world that support and validate our ideas and beliefs only – instead of looking DIRECTLY at this world and this reality and seeing through the deliberate separation and mis-direction in which we are constantly trained to give our attention and focus and energy to trivial and frivolous ideas – and will actually compete with each other, separate ourselves from each other – to defend our own 'right' to our 'own ideas' and the 'right' to give our attention and energy away to whatever we wish and thus becoming the very manifestation of control and enslavement in this world – ensuring thus that mankind will NEVER in fact walk here on this earth as equals, and will NEVER in fact realize our creative power and our actual full potential – so long as we keep focused on dividing our attention and fighting for the pieces of ourselves.
Here I will walk the self-forgiveness and self-corrections within this point of attention-diversion that I see within myself and the consequences that I am responsible for when I allow myself to give in to attention-diversion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is simply “my right” to think about whatever I want and thus anyone who tells me that I should consider changing my participation with 'my own' thoughts is trying to control me for their own benefit – when in fact I am simply wanting to hold on to my own self-interest – to not unconditionally consider the consequences of what happens when I allow myself to indulge in my mind without any consideration whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own point of self-attention, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus give my attention away and allow my attention to be directed by the media, my opinions, by 'experts', by desires and cravings that are based only on self-interest, and by a consumption based model of society in which giving in to our desires is rewarded.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to ego and self-interest within believing that I am 'in control' when I allow myself to participate in thoughts and attention diversions throughout my day, believing that I am directing all of it when in fact it is the other way around and the thoughts and pictures and reactions that I give my attention to and allow to influence and direct me are IN NO WAY self-directed because I did not in any moment actually stop and direct myself to think about a certain thing or create a certain picture within my mind or to go wander off into a stray thought and thus allow myself to distract myself and divert myself from what is in fact HERE in this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take lightly this point of attention diversion within believing that it is not so bad as long as we keep ourselves in control of it and not let it get 'out of hand', and within this excusing and justifying an existence in which we listen to thoughts and voices and pictures within our minds and consider that 'normal' when the simplicity of the physical reality is always here, always stable, and never requires internal conversation – which shows just how far we have diverted our actual attention and just how far we have separated ourselves from actually LIVING here one and equal with this reality but instead divided and conquered ourselves within letting ourselves be lead by thoughts and internal conversations and pictures that have nothing in fact to do with practical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and consider that allowing myself to participate in attention diversions in which I deliberately let go of self-responsibility and self-direction in all that I do, in each moment of breath, is the same as me putting myself on a leash and then handing that leash to whatever I allow to be my master.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in attention diversion when I hold on to an opinion or self-belief that I value more than what is actually here and will this give my attention to the defense and protection of this opinion – this dividing myself and allowing myself to be conquered by my unwillingness to let go of my opinion to instead see directly without personal bias.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT slow down and stop myself when and as a picture or thought comes up within me and entices me to live and follow through with that thought, and in that moment giving up my self-direction and self-awareness – to instead of standing here and moving myself here with and as my physical body, directing myself in each moment of breath and ensuring that everything I do is an actual expression of me, rather allow myself to create alternate realities in my mind by following my thoughts and random images and thus placing myself on a leash and handing that leash to my mind as my thoughts – allowing myself to thus be a slave to my own thoughts instead of realizing that I am NOT my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist slowing down and stopping the mind because I do not want to let go of self-interest and having my own personal experiences and being able to do whatever I want in my own mind – believing that I am at all alive in this mind – that I am at all self-aware in this mind – that the thoughts and pictures and emotions and reactions are at all self-directed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divide and conquer myself within attention diversion – where I allow myself to chase a thought or give in to a desire or temptation, and in that making myself equal to only a thought instead of standing here as the directive principle of me – to direct and move myself in all that I do and ensuring that all that is do is in fact what I live and what I stand by.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that each time I allow myself to chase a thought, slip into a daydream, or simply give in to a temptation – whether it is to go out and indulge on the urge to eat sugary foods as an energetic experience, or to not do my assignments and rather spend my time entertaining myself, or to gossip about others in my own mind instead of moving myself OUT of the mind and establishing actual communication and intimacy in my relationships – or even if it is a 'stray thought' that seems insignificant and harmless if I allow myself to follow it just to see 'where it takes me' – because no matter where it does take me, it is taking me away from the one place that I require to be in order to actually live and make a difference in this reality – thus to allow myself to indulge in any kind of attention diversion where I 'lose myself' and I am not here moving, directing, breathing – I have been divided and conquered.
Self-Corrections and Commitments
I commit myself to, when and as I see I have slipped into attention diversion, stop myself immediately and do NOT allow myself to go after that thought or give in to that desire or temptation by breathing, and making sure that my mind STOPS MOVING and that I am in fact here.
I commit myself to stand and say “NO” when and as I notice the pull of an attention diversion, and to consistently stop and say “NO” and establish my point of self-trust and self-direction no matter how many times I must do it until such attention diversions no longer come up within me or have any ability to influence or direct me.
I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice the temptation to follow a thought, go into a daydream state, participate in internal gossip/backchat, or indulge myself in a desire as a point of distracting myself from being HERE and moving myself HERE, I stop and give myself the will and authority to slow down, be here with myself, and practice/walk this point of self-attention instead of attention-diversion until all that remains is self-attention.
I commit myself to UNITE and DIRECT myself instead of DIVIDE and CONQUER myself by applying myself and using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application patiently and consistently so that I stop getting 'lost' within my own mind – so that I am able to remain HERE as the directive principle of me no matter where I am – and thus be able to trust that I will always do what is best for all, and that I do not compromise myself or give in to the attention diversions of the mind or of this world.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
One of the most difficult points to really be self-honest with in this world is the illusion of happiness and the idea that apparently when we feel happy, then things are alright in the world, and as long as we can even for a moment experience ourselves within that state of 'happiness' – all is justified, and all that matters, even for those brief moments, is our own experience of happiness.
One way to look at the point of 'happiness' is to see it as a drug – a highly addictive drug that is nearly impossible to regulate or control, with effects so intoxicating that it completely overrides a person's ability to direct or control themselves – a drug that replaces actual expression and joy with a false euphoria that can only exist in an altered state of mind detached from reality.
I remember when I first started the job that I am working at now, which was during a time when I was going through some changes in my life and facing a point of depression in which I experienced myself as very unhappy and generally disappointed in myself and in my life and felt that everything had 'gone to shit' – my initial thoughts were only of how much I hated my work – how much I missed being able to do other things with my time and not have to deal with the problems and issues and conflicts that I now had to face at work which seemed all the more complex and exhausting due to my own internal conflicts and frictions and 'unhappiness'.
Each day I would begrudgingly drag myself to work and constantly remind myself of how unhappy I was – how 'tired of it all' I felt – and how angry I was at everything and everyone because I was in a position where everything that I trusted and believed in basically fell apart – and the things that were a part of my life that would make me 'happy' – the things that would give me that energetic 'high' in order to 'get me through the day' and continue coping with the problems that I have been holding on to and suppressing throughout my life were suddenly no longer available to me – and for a while all I could think about was how to be happy again – what I had to do in order to be happy again – because I did not want to be where I was – and believed that my unhappiness was a result of the place I was working, the job that I was doing, and the living situation that I was in.
I would spend my time at work NOT getting to know my coworkers or getting to know who they are or how it is that they ended up doing this kind of work. I did NOT spend my time getting to know my job and the details that come with it and the various dimensions and points involved in such a business. I did NOT make the effort to better myself within what my job required me to do. I did NOT want to push myself and make/develop relationships with customers and clients because to me, this 'job' was in the way of my happiness, and I did not intend on staying at this job any longer than I had to – because I was so 'unhappy'. And since nothing in my world was making me 'happy' I took it as a 'sign' that I needed to change everything in my world – I need to go elsewhere – to do 'something else'
So for quite a while I was pretty miserable at my new job, my new environment, my new 'life' after my previous 'life' had suddenly changed, and in that shock I was exposed to dimensions of myself that I had resisted and suppressed for many many years of my life – and the way that I was able to keep it all suppressed was through relationships and entertainment that would keep me HAPPY – yes – that all addictive drug of HAPPINESS that would allow me to cope with and 'put up with' all manner of conflicts and dishonesty within myself
So within my desire to be happy again and seeing that nothing in my world at the time was making me happy, I allowed myself to listen to the logic of my mind and convinced myself that I was simply in the 'wrong place' and working with the 'wrong people' and doing the 'wrong thing' in my life, and thus would only 'put up with' the conflicts that I experienced at home, at work, and within myself in general – reasoning that eventually I will find the thing that will make me happy again – that eventually I will get another 'hit' of that happiness drug that would allow me to once again 'function' within this messed up world. All that mattered was me doing whatever is required to eventually, somehow, be 'happy' again.
The result was that the conflicts within myself never went away. I became more and more 'unhappy' and my relationship with everything and everyone in my world, including myself, and blamed everything and everyone for being in the way of my happiness – which obviously made things only more difficult because each day I would still have to work my job and be around the same conflicts and the same people – the whole time NOT taking self-responsibility for myself or allowing myself to consider what is actually going on and finding a way to get to know my environment and work with it as an equal instead of being the happiness addict that was hell bent on doing whatever it took and willing to throw anything and anyone under the bus in order to get to my 'happiness' because I did not trust myself to stand in situations that would bring up the things that I resisted and suppressed throughout my life.
It was after a while of doing this and realizing that my life was NOT getting any better and that all the time and energy that I had spent on trying to figure out what I need to do, where I need to go, who I need to work with, what I need to have in place in my life and in my environment in order to be happy again and be okay with myself again was in fact preventing me and blinding me to just how far I had allowed my addiction to 'happiness' blind me from seeing the actual reality of what is here, and how I am responsible at all times for what I am experiencing and creating in my world.
It was only after pushing myself to let go of my wants, my moral judgments, my personal preferences, and my belief that I require something in order to make me happy so that I can function and be 'okay' in this world, that I was able to really slow down and see what I was doing to myself, and what I was doing to people in my life – how I had isolated myself from everything and everyone and missed in all of those moments the opportunity to get to know the people – get to understand the nature of my job and why things require to be done a certain way because of the multiple dimensions and factors that are involved in the current market and economic system we need to survive within – and see that no amount of 'happiness' could ever make me a 'better person' or help me to be somebody that is 'better equipped' to deal with and face the problems of this world – that the only way to have a REAL life of actual enjoyment and fulfillment and expression is to change who we are firstly in our relationship to ourselves – to let go our personal fears and self-interests – so that we can SEE clearly what is going on in this world and why so many people seem lost and unhappy – and how it is that we have allowed ourselves to become slaves to chasing the idea of 'happiness' instead of looking at practical ways to solve and correct the issues of our world and our relationships.
So here I have shared a bit of context in terms of what I have walked and seen within the point of losing myself within the addiction to happiness and believing that happiness is in any way real or valid if it produces people who become detached from reality, detached from actual intimacy and communication, detached from actual self-responsibility.
What follows is self-forgiveness within the points that I have seen and walked -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that when I make happiness my starting point for doing anything, I will always end up disappointed and the point will not be sustainable because happiness in itself is not real, and is only based on the idea that something outside of myself can make me happy and generate experiences of happiness and enjoyment and positivity which directly contradict the actual physical REALITY of the world we live in – the world in which billions of people are living at the brink of poverty and the world itself is busy self-destructing due to the relationships we have established in this world – where all that matters is profit and happiness for those who can afford and thus abuse the resources of this planet – addicted to happiness and self-interest and completely blinded to the actual cost of this addiction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place any value within the idea of personal 'happiness' in a world in which billions daily must fight for mere survival and to deliberately blind myself to the direct cost of 'happiness' as it relates to the current economic system of the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to happiness and the ability to ignore and turn away from the reality of this world in order to satisfy my own preferences and self-interest and personal experiences and thus isolate myself from actually being able to see and understand this world and the people within it and the consequences of the relationships we establish in the pursuit of 'happiness' and self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not feel 'happy' then it is because my environment and the people within it are not making me happy and thus they are to blame, and to then use this mind-logic to justify NOT being self-honest or living the courage to let go of my personal opinions and judgments so that I can stand no matter where I am, who I am with, or what I require to do within the current system – to trust myself and know myself so intimately that there is no fear of 'losing myself' or needing to cope with my fears and resistances – to be able to stand in the shoes of anyone, anywhere, and still do what is best for all within that context – to STOP judging and condemning others or the conditions of others without first letting go of the idea/belief that I apparently know what is best based only on my own preferences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to resistances and separate myself from what is here – and to miss the point that no matter where I am, who I am with, what I require to do within that context in order to survive and support myself – I am ALWAYS facing the same point – the same responsibility – and that is to STOP the mind and stand as the position that I am in, and do as LIFE would do – to find a way to do whatever is necessary to be done, taking my specific context into consideration, in a way that is best for all – whether this means I work with people that I have judged, or doing things that I had deemed to be 'unethical' or 'bad', or having to let go of my idea about myself and my fixation and addiction to being 'happy', so that instead of looking elsewhere for that which will make me stable and content, I stand as stability and contentment and accept nothing less than what is best for all.
I commit myself to STOP chasing happiness as the drug that blinds me from doing what is necessary to be done and facing what is necessary to be faced in order to bring about a change within myself, my relationship with this world, and thus my contribution to this world – to show that a life of contentment and fulfillment is in fact possible for each one, and to PROVE this by no longer pushing people away or fearing to 'lose myself' if I unconditionally stand one and equal with what is here – to know every bit of this world as intimately as I would know my own self – and from there to direct my world within actual intimacy, understanding, and consideration instead of trying to mold and shape and bend this world into a picture of what I think equality and 'best for all' should be in order to just make myself happy.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Among the greatest illusions perpetuated on this world, I would say the idea of 'peace' ranks high upon that list. So many times we see protests and rallies and demands for peace and the end of war, the end of segregation and divisiveness, the end of inequality and exploitation – all various and alternate expressions of the idea of 'peace'.
What is lacking in every instance of this desire and call for 'peace' is the understanding that no conflict – no war – no social injustice – no economic slavery exists or can ever exist separate and isolated from the myriad other issues that plague the entirety of the system. What is not understood is that in addressing these problems in singular and reactionary ways will NEVER produce an actual and real result of 'peace' – because it has NOT been understood how all of the issues that we are facing are completely and inexorably inter-connected and co-dependent and any solution must be a solution that includes ALL FACTORS – otherwise the imbalances of the system will simply generate and produce more inequality, more conflict, and more wars.
What is generally sold and accepted as 'peace' is only the temporary relief of a problem that in itself was a symptom of greater issues that are not being addressed. How could there be 'peace' if there has been war and atrocity and the lives of those who have been affected by the devastation will never again be 'normal' and the likelihood of them having a dignified and stable life becomes obliterated? Will those people know 'peace' just because the war comes to an end?
What is demanded by the people is in no way placed into a practical context in terms of how the entire global system has been functioning (or dysfunctioning) to the degree that such conflicts ever came into existence and the relationship dynamics that are involved.
At no point is it considered what must PRACTICALLY be done to stop war and also ensure that war NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. We have not actually seen or considered all of the factors that lead to the initial conflicts and HOW those conflicts can be resolved before resorting to violence, and how the global economic system is tied to the war as part of it's profit structure and how this affects the lives of all people on the planet whether or not their countries were participants in the war, it has not been understood how the various flaws and inequality and corruption that are rampant within the global systems generate and PRODUCE war and suffering and actually breed the conditions for conflict.
Another point to consider and realize here is that in so many instances where people demand "peace" it is really about them being able to go back to their lives the way it was before and not have to be faced with the ugliness of war - but we do not consider the question of whether 'how it was before' was in any way sustainable and why was it so easily shaken by war or conflict? If massive amounts of resources and labor were not channeled through war and violent aggression or through economic slavery and exploitation, would the first world nations on this planet be able to enjoy the current standard of living that it has?
PEACE is NOT REAL - It is NOT the goal. Peace is an illusion that we strive for and desire because we do not want to deal with or see the ugliness and atrocity that is here but are unwilling to get our hands dirty and actually do what is necessary to clean up this collective mess.
Thus here I clarify and expose through self-forgiveness the illusion of PEACE -
Self-forgiveness on “Peace”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “peace” is able to exist in this world without a full understanding of the interrelatedness of what is here and how “peace” must be in fact real for all parts of this reality in order for it to be real and lasting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wished for 'world peace' without actually slowing down and considering what it will in fact require for real 'world peace' to exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the illusion that peace is able to be had when any part of the world is not equally at peace and is not equally supported.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate peace with the image of a white dove flying freely when this in no way reflects what 'peace' must actually be in this physical reality in terms of ensuring that all people and all forms of life are cared for and protected and that no harm or conflict will ever arise to again separate and divide us from the oneness and equality that we are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that actual peace on this world is impossible and to become angry at myself and project that anger at the world and at the protestors and demonstrators who I judge as 'not getting it' and 'not seeing the point' when in fact I am every bit as responsible for not seeing and not getting the point – and that just because I have a certain understanding or perspective and what requires to be done seems 'too big' for me to do alone, it does not justify me not doing whatever I can to show and educate as many as I can, and not allow the excuse or justification that 'its too big' to doom myself and the rest of the world in ignorance by my own point of apathy and judgement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a world and within a system that does not educate people in terms of being able to not only articulate and express their concerns and the problems that they face, but to also see the practical solutions and how to implement them, instead of seeing problems and protesting problems and not seeing or understanding the factors and processes that we are all responsible for which brought those problems into manifestation here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and consider that 'peace' is currently the reaction and polarity of 'conflict' and that the desire for peace is simply a reaction and does not in fact address the points of separation and abuse that lead to and result in conflict, and how each and every individual plays a part in the acceptance of and the creation of the separation and abuse which happens first within ourselves and then becomes our living expression, which then becomes the state of our world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is noble to demand 'peace' and protest for 'peace' when in fact this will not in any practical or real way address why peace is absent from this world and how it is that we have NEVER experienced peace for real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'peace' is the goal when it does not in any way address or correct or make reparations for all of the damage done to life on this planet, and within accepting the idea that 'peace' somehow allows us to then let go and go back to our lives and feel as though we accomplished something and brought an end to suffering – we delude ourselves and blind ourselves to the actual extent of our responsibility – which means that 'peace' in and of itself is NOT the solution or the goal because it has NOT in fact solved or addressed the problem or made necessary adjustments to repair the damage we have allowed.
I commit myself to, when and as I see or hear the word “peace”, not accept that word at face value or believe that peace in and of itself is in any way acceptable as a 'goal' and to show to the best of my ability whenever possible how “peace” cannot in fact exist unless we fully understand and remove the factors existent within all of our institutions and world systems that produce and generate inequality and suffering, to finally ensure that 'peace' is not simply the end of a conflict that should never have happened in a world of actual compassion and actual car.e
I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice myself considering 'peace' as the end of conflict to be an acceptable point to 'end', stop and consider that ending the conflict does not in fact fix anything and is simply stopping the open wound from bleeding out – thus to any who proclaim victory in establishing 'peace', I do what I am able to remind them that 'peace' is simply the polarity manifestation of conflict, and that both 'peace' and 'conflict' have no place within a world of self-honesty and actual care – where peace is an actual reflection of who we all are and not simply an experience that follows conflict and horror.
I commit myself to show and demonstrate how peace has not ever existed within existence and that unless the basic principle of oneness and equality is understood and practical solutions for this world are implemented, peace will forever be an illusion.
Defining the word “Peace”
Dictionary Definition -
1. The absence of war or other hostilities.
2. An agreement or a treaty to end hostilities.
3. Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations: roommates living in peace with each other.
4. Public security and order: was arrested for disturbing the peace.
5. Inner contentment; serenity: peace of mind.
Here we see that the currently accepted definition of “Peace” is based on polarity – where “peace” is simply the opposite of “conflict/hostilities/disagreements, etc.
How It Is Currently Lived -
Yet within this definition of “peace” the experience of “peace” can only result AFTER the ending of conflict or as a separate dimension in which the conflict still exists but one is apparently 'at peace' with it and not affected by it. In this, the causes for the conflict to begin with are not addressed and the focus is placed on either ending the conflict or hiding/ignoring/sheltering oneself from the conflict in order to experience 'peace'.
Sounding the Word “Peace”
The word “Peace” can also be seen/heard as “Piece” - where 'piece' is a singularity instead of 'pieces'.
Polarity Charges Associated with the word Peace
Interpreting the absence of violence and conflict in and of itself as 'good' and therefore accepting the idea of 'peace' as being something that is 'good'.
Peace as an experience where I am in my own point of 'serenity' and 'calm' which is really me existing in a separate world – a separate reality – which I have defined as being something that is 'good' and positive based only on how I feel.
Redefining the world
When we accept and allow separation and allow for “peace” to be a reality for only SOME beings, or when peace is only a temporary outflow of ending a particular conflict but the originating cause of the conflict is not resolved, then this “piece” exists in pieces – as separate bits of 'peace' that some are able to experience for some short while until the problem comes back again and there is conflict once more.
Thus REAL Peace is when we take all the pieces into consideration and make sure that within any solution or resolution to any conflict, all points are taken into consideration and what is best for all is implemented – ensuring the 'peace' becomes the reality for ALL.
New Definition of the Word “Peace”
Real PEACE is when we put all of the pieces of ourselves back together in the creation and implementation of solutions that end the illusion of separation and restore value, equality, dignity, and honor to all life so that conflicts and separation in fact come to a final END. Thus anything short of this is NOT peace, but keeping us in pieces as separation seeking temporary fixes to our broken selves.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
When I look at the word “love” and how I have defined myself in relation to it, it is fascinating the memories and experiences that are associated with the word “love” and how much I have allowed myself to be shaped and influenced by that word.
The 'idea' that is sold in relation to love as I had understood it back when I was a child was that it is when you 'care about' somebody or something and that this is a 'special' experience between only you and whatever it is that you love, and that you are not 'complete' unless you love and are loved back by somebody – thus we are all on a journey to find this 'love' that will apparently make us better, make us whole, and will suddenly, magically, transform our lives and make us happy.
This of course comes from my earliest exposure to the idea of “love” which came first from my family, who would tell me that they 'love me' and then taught me to say the words 'I love you' back to them – though at the time I had no actual idea or conception of what these words even meant. At that age the words were simply words and for some reason the adults gave me positive reactions when I would say those words, and as if by magic those very words would trigger something in the adults and they would express themselves toward me in a way as though I gave them something that made them happy – even though it was the adults who would first teach me and then ask (sometimes demand) that I say it to them – so it was quite strange to simply accept this idea that saying these words meant so much and apparently had the power to affect the mood of the adults – though of course at that age I was vulnerable and trusted the adults and went along with the programming and never questioned it.
What is fascinating in looking at this is that throughout my life this point of 'love' would never actually be questioned to put to a practical test – it would always remain a truism that was taken for granted – that people apparently experience this thing called 'love' and that people who 'love' somebody apparently care for and tend to their 'loved one', but will only do this for the ones that they 'love' – so if a person does not 'love' you, they do not care about you and will not assist or support you. Thus “love is the answer” became yet another truism – because if people who love each other apparently care for and support each other, then obviously if everybody loved everybody then we would all care for and support each other and the world would not be such a messed up place. But if love is so obviously the 'answer' then why have we, for thousands of years, not done this already? Why have we failed to simply love each other and care for each other? Why have we NOT lived the message of Jesus when he said "Love thy neighbor as thy self"?
So then as I grew older this truism simply remained a part of my accepted view of this world and this reality – that apparently love is some powerful force and that if we simply love each other we will solve all of our problems – a point that was all too often confirmed and reiterated incessantly by movies, tv shows, children's stories, music, all the way down to the very social constructs of the society and family that I grew up in – always was the image of the lovers triumphing over evil – or those who do great and courageous things and find great strength because they love something. Though none of this really 'stuck' with me for very long – I would experience it as just a fleeting rush of energy and excitement as I would root for the heroes or the lovers of whatever movie or story I was allowing myself to be enterTRAINed by – but the energy would wear off and I would be back in the 'mundane' life where apparently there just wasn't enough love going around in the world and thus the world was often such a boring, confusing, complicated place.
It was only later as I entered my teen years that I would associate the images of 'lovers' and the idea of 'love' with pictures of men and women who come together and apparently 'fall in love' – which I associated with my budding interest in sex. And the more I associated those pictures of lovers and falling in love and kissing and embracing and living happy lives together – the more I associated my growing desire to experience and experiment with sex – because of course one needs to find a 'lover' in order to have sex – and thus the 'love' became a requirement – and thus began my initiation into the quest to find 'love' and relationships – so that I can experience the kissing, the touching, and the sex – oh yes, the sex that I had fantasized about and fixated upon through the various images and pictures on tv, magazines, movies, and stories that I would hear.
Suddenly 'love' became more valid – suddenly I 'got' why people would go to such lengths for 'love' – because really, deep down inside, I knew that 'love' would lead to sex – and all the butterflies and tingly warm feelings that were associated with 'love' were really, in self-honesty, about the desire to experience and have sex – which was apparently 'bad' and 'wrong' unless of course you are in 'love' and have a relationship with another so that you can generate those feelings of 'love' and thus care for and support one another – so that you can each ensure that you have access to sex – but of course I did not admit or confess this to anyone else – it remained my own 'secret' throughout the years of my life where I actually convinced myself to a large degree that the 'sex' wasn't important and that it was about the feelings of 'love' that I would experience whenever I found a potential sex partner – which is fascinating because I have never actually 'loved' somebody that I did not greatly want to have sex with – which should have been a clear indication of the self-manipulation I was participating in – but did not at that time have the self-honesty to see, nor did I want to.
Then began the many phases where I would try to change myself and 'better' myself for my partners because I was 'in love' and was afraid to lose that love and thus would compromise myself and lie to myself as well as to my partner all for the name of 'love' and keeping that 'love' going – generating those butterflies and warm tingly feelings so that I would have access to intimacy and sex, and whenever the sex would stop, the 'love' would stop, and I would suddenly 'fall out of love' with that partner.
So the whole concept and idea of 'love' is quite ridiculous. If love were the answer to the problems here on earth they why do we not love each other? Why can we not simply decide out of common sense to love each other and thus care for and support each other which is what we claim 'love' is about? Why can 'love' not actually be sustained and always peters out when the energy is gone or when the sex is no longer as exciting (or as frequent)?
If love is actually about caring for and supporting another person then why is it exclusive to only one person? Isn't it obvious that unless this world and this reality is equally cared for and supported, NOBODY is actually safe or cared for because there will always exist the inequality and abuse that undermines any illusion of safety, stability, or care that a person might experience at the expense of those we are excluded?
How can anyone say that they actually “love” somebody and say they actually care about the well being of another if they do not see or address the problems in this world? Thus this 'love' is a self-imposed illusion where the person believing themselves to be 'in love' or to be a 'lover' of something encloses themselves into their own private reality where apparently all that matters is their experience of love, and as long as they experience their private little love bubble, then surely the rest of the world – the rest of this entire reality – is of no concern – the rest of reality will simply need to find 'love' and all will be right. And when this 'love' experience comes to an end, no 'lover' has ever come forth in self-honesty to say to the world “Forgive me. I have neglected all of you and I have placed more value in my own desires for love and my experience of love than the actual, REAL needs of this world and this reality, and in my blindness I disregarded life.” - no, we do not see that point of self-honesty – instead we see “there's plenty of other fish in the sea”, “you just haven't found the right one”, “there is a soul-mate for everybody”, “don't worry – you will find the courage to love again”.
Thus I commit myself to stop participating in the fraud that 'love' has become in this world and this reality and expose it for the illusion that it is as well as the atrocities committed and allowed in it's name.
Self-Forgiveness on “Love”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and consider that the idea of “love” is an illusion that is engrained into us as children firstly by our parents, who themselves were likewise engrained by those who came before them, and that the idea of 'love' has been a 'cover' to justify suffering and abuse on a world-wide scale by those who claim that 'love is the answer'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “love” is some external force that is apparently able to set things right and establish a better world simply by participating in the idea of 'loving someone' as generating thoughts and pictures and energetic experiences about another person and becoming possessed by those thoughts and pictures and thus creating a separate and private reality in which one experiences this 'love' while nothing practical or real has been done in centuries of time to in fact establish a better world for all, where all are loved and cared for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek and search for 'love' as though I require to experience the energetic feelings and experiences that come from 'being in love' as though such experiences come from something outside of myself, and within this to NOT see that I am simply manipulating myself and creating within myself the energies and experiences which I am separating myself from and allowing myself to become addicted to and thus go searching for it and being willing to compromise myself for it when all the while I am simply generating and feeding the desire to experience love and care and sex which I have not allowed myself to stand one and equal to within my own self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have listened to and allowed myself to be influenced and shaped by the advice and stories and impulsing from my family, from society, and especially from the media in which the idea of love is incessantly being pushed because 'love' has become something people have been trained to accept and want and need and thus 'love' is extremely profitable because people are willing to compromise themselves and do just about anything to experience 'love'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was in relationships that were really in self-honesty only based on my desire to have sex, convince myself as well as attempt to convince my partners that I was in love and that I 'loved' them yet when the sex stopped being frequent or exciting enough, the 'love' experience would also stop, but I was not self-honest with myself and did not honor myself or my partner in revealing that the 'love' was not actually ever real to begin with, and to then set out on my search for my next 'love' so that I can once again experience sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT slow down and see within self-honesty the self-manipulation that I allowed within the experience of 'falling in love' and searching for love with another, and thus to allow another being to 'fall' for the same trap of 'falling in love'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that famiLIES actually love one another when the reality of this world shows that famiLIES manipulated one another and do not in fact support each other within what is best for all but rather only sees to the self-interest of the 'family unit' and any professed 'love' that parents have for their children is used to control and condition the child into a slave for 'love', or is used as a manipulation tool for the parent to experience 'love' and 'appreciation' from their children because the parent has separated themselves from self-love and self-appreciation and will thus be willing to compromise the child in order to experience 'love' and 'appreciation'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “love” was ever real or in any way a practical solution for this world when it is clear that unless all are equally cared for and supported in the best way possible, any idea of 'love' that claims to value or care for life is immediately invalidated by the plain fact that this world is NOT a reflection of the idea of 'love', but rather of separation and abuse.
When and as I see or notice myself thinking or considering entering a relationship with another being based on a 'feeling' of sexual attraction or the idea of 'love' and that I may potentially be 'loved' by this being and thus cared for and supported, I immediately stop. I do not allow myself to participate and do not condone the illusion of 'love' as an energetic experience because I see and realize that it will only lead to self-compromise as well as the compromise of any being whom I allow myself to enter a relationship with from that starting point.
When and as I see or notice a being in my world advocating the idea of love as a solution I stand and do not allow myself to be influenced by those words and wherever possible I support the being to see and understand how that concept and idea of love is NOT in fact practical or self-honest and is responsible for mass atrocity in this world. I slow myself down and ensure that I do not speak from judgment or from a reaction as I expose this point and where I see I myself am not clear, I do not speak and I clear myself first and investigate where I am still holding onto the idea of 'love'.
When and as I see/notice the various advertisements and subliminal impulsing of the idea of 'love' whether it is in print, on a screen, in music, or in conversation with others, I flag the point and do not simply allow such impulsing to exist within me. I stop and see the impulsing for what it is and do not allow myself to be influenced or enticed by it because I see and realize it's impracticality and lack of self-honesty and that there exist entire industries created upon feeding and compounding within people the idea of 'love' because 'love' is extremely profitable and easy to market.
When and as I see/notice myself react to moments or impulses of 'love' as portrayed within the media I stop and I clear myself in that moment and realize that the portrayal of that moment has no actual basis in reality and again is a product for consumerism and consumption and cannot be trusted. I stop and do not allow myself to go into fear or resistance in facing that point nor do I allow myself to be influenced or manipulated by it.
When and as I see/notice myself speaking the word “love” either verbally or within myself in my own backchat, I stop and do not allow myself to continue with such statements. If I have said it out loud to another in conversation I correct myself and do not express the word 'love' in the context in which it currently exists in the world and ensure that I use the word in the actual practical context of the word, showing how it is currently not an equal and one expression of who we really are and what it is able to be if lived practically.
When and as I experience myself as being 'confronted' by beings in my world who are advocating or defending 'love' or when I experience myself being impulsed with the idea of 'love' through media, I stop and ensure that I do not go into reaction and antagonism to try and 'fight' the point or attempt to force my own perspective upon others and rather stand within and as the point of self-honesty and assess whether I am able to practically address the point through practical examples, understanding that those who will hear, will hear and those who cannot will face what they require to face until they are able to see for themselves, but in this I commit myself to stand and be, wherever possible, to the best of my ability, the practical living example of how to transform the idea and illusion of 'love' into a statement of actual care and actual practical support for LIFE.
When and as I see and notice a point of 'love' being used as a manipulation tactic by members of my family or those whom I may share a more intimate relationship/partnership with, I stop and do not allow 'love' to in any way be a factor of the relationship that is used to bargain or manipulate a situation.
Redefining the Word “Love” - How I Have Lived This Word
Throughout my life I have often used and lived the word love in the context of projecting an energetic feeling towards another person, where I would say “I love you” when really it was not the other persona that I loved or actually cared for, but rather how I would be able to experience myself and validate the character that I was projecting when that person was around – so I would say “I love you” and I would convince myself that I actually “loved' this person when really I was just infatuated with the energy and positively charged emotions that I would experience with that being.
Another way that I have lived and used this word love is to refer to some externalized and invisible 'force' like it is often portrayed in movies, where 'love' apparently conquers 'evil', or referring to anything 'good' as being 'of love' or 'of the energy of love'.
Defining the Word - “Love”
Dictionary Definitions -
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
Wordplay - “Love”
I experience an interesting sensation when saying the word 'love' within myself – where if I slow down and really pronounce the word out, the word sounds more like 'loooove', where the 'o' in the word becomes stressed and the tone drops – like there is a sudden weight and pressure wherease the “L” and the “ve” part of the word are more stable in sound – not low and not high. This is fascinating because it is often how I have experienced love – where for a while things are just stable – and then 'love' as the experience for a moment produces a 'high' but then crashes into a 'low', and often the 'low' sticks around longer than the initial 'high' and then when the negative polarity of love is done, it returns back to 'normal' again.
Current/Mainstream Application of “Love”
We can see in the dictionary definitions of “love” how the experience is based on feelings, emotions, and 'personal experiences' that are projected upon another individual. What is not considered is that this “love” is never in fact an actual “love” of or for somebody else in fact, but rather is a relationship that is formed within one's own mind based upon a picture or idea about another person.
This kind of “love” is the manifestation and expression of self-separation, where self has gone seeking and searching for that which self has separated self from, which is what creates the 'relationship' because that relationship can only exist in separation and the experience of 'being loved' and 'being fulfilled' is coming from that relationship.
Thus we can 'love' people, events, colors, foods, and we can even 'love' ideas and believes and memories – all of it functions in the same basic principle of self existing in separation from whatever it is that is being 'loved' and thus forming a relationship to it within one's own mind and internal reality
Polarity Charges within the word “Love”
- Feeling loved by somebody
- Being “in love” with somebody
- Believing that 'love' is a force that protects and nourishes that exist outside of ourselves
- Loving other people by being kind or being positive
- People demonstrating “love' by being kind and positive and caring about/for me.
- Hearing another say “I love you” to me
- Feeling unloved by others, thus 'alone'.
- Falling “out of love”
- Losing a relationship in which I believed I was 'in love'
Redefining the Word “Love”
Love as an actual expression has not ever been truly lived in this world. Any expression of 'love' that is not an action of absolute care and consideration for all as one as equal is not the actual and practical, REAL expression of 'love' but only a relationship within one's mind in relation to something or someone else.
To actually and in fact care for another is to not accept or allow within the other anything that is less than who and what we are as LIFE, understanding that LIFE is one and equal – that what we accept within and as ourselves, we accept within and as all of existence – and thus if we only 'love' or assist/support specific persons and ignore others because we do not 'love' them, then we are not in fact living the practical expression/application of not allowing anything that is less than who we actually are, because we are NOT seeing or honoring the oneness and equality that we are.
To actually live and make real the word “LOVE” is to in fact intervene and do whatever is necessary to ensure that ALL LIFE is cared for and honored.
Thus love of self is to ensure that self does not accept or allow anything that compromises who we are, that self will do whatever it takes to intervene and ensure that self is living the greatest possible expression of self within what is best for all.
And likewise any love of another is where self steps in and intervenes and provides the necessary assistance no matter what to ensure that all life is able to self-realize and to not allow anything less than who we really are, in the understanding of oneness and equality where anything that we accept and allow within another, we accept and allow within ourselves – thus anything that we see another participating in that diminishes who they are, we are one and equal allowing ourselves to be diminished by.
New Definition of the Word “Love”
Thus to love is to intervene and ensure that 'love' is not a relationship in the mind, but an actual and practical application of doing whatever it takes for self and for anyone to be supported in the best way possible - to in fact, in the most practical and effective ways possible, do for ourselves and each other what we would like to receive.