No matter what

Only the mind requires a reason or excuse to enjoy self. Only the mind requires a reason or excuse to do ANYTHING at all.

walking this process is walking within total dedication and discipline in each moment and there can be no room for fickleness. No more fucking around can be tolerated. I have an opportunity that billions do not currently have and it is not acceptable to squander what is my responsibility and duty in this life - to stand for all who cannot and ensure that all abuse and separation end, and that all life that is to exist here may exist within equality and honor.

In the last few days I have existed within a 'funk' of not directing or supporting myself through resistances, and allowing self to exist within limitation and justification in order to not push through and face myself. I was fighting within and as ego/mind/self-interest/abuse of life trying to hold on to self-limitation as well as projecting frustration and resentment onto Lindsay. This is NOT acceptable.

What i have seen from my experience of going into defensiveness and hiding and resisting the practical support that Linday had been giving me, as well as my experience of seeing the manifested consequence of speaking words that i do not live (recording a vlog about stopping the mind and abusing energy and going into a point of preaching instead of sharing self- and then experiencing a near 'mugging' on the walk home).

So no more fucking around. No more excuses. I stand. I walk. My dedication is absolute and I do not give up, no matter what. Within this, I am able to enjoy self as LIFE.

I see that i had believed that one required a 'reason' or 'purpose' to enjoy self - and this is NOT true. self-enjoyment is not about 'being happy' or 'doing something exciting/fun'. Self-enjoyment is seeing and living self as LIFE as one as equal and recognizing that ALL life is precious and worthy of expression, and worthy of existing here WITHOUT enslavement and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'wait' for 'help' and 'assistance' before doing what i self-honestly see i am able to do for myself to support myself and take responsibility for what is going on in this world.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create excuses and justifications as to 'why' i am not 'able' to take responsibility for myself within all that i am accepting and allowing within self and within existence.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spite existence within wanting to remain in my own 'comfort zone'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stand separate from the words that i speak and write instead of LIVING the words as self and sharing as SELF

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a 'fucker' to myself, within abusing self as life by participating in the mind as ego and self-interest

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stop and delete the thoughts of 'this is too much', 'i cannot handle all of these points', 'i am a fuck-up'.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am a 'fuck-up' and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed within my existence the manifestation of 'fuck-ups'.

this is NOT a process to be taken 'at my own pace'. i have only ONE life and i must apply myself fully within stopping the abuse of and as the mind and seeing to the establishment of a global equality system.

I have the tools and the support of self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, the forum, fellow destonians, the physical, and all that stand for oneness and equality in existence.
I have the ability and means.
I AM the self-will and self-direction
I walk. I do not give up, no matter what.

DO YOU DESERVE TO LIVE?

A long, long time ago, it was decided that Life would like to experience itself and express itself by creating other forms of Life, each in the image and likeness of Life.

This seemed quite a dandy notion- and it was agreed that Life aught to experience and express itself by creating split images of itself that were completely equal in expressive and creative ability, and Life then set about the business of creation and expression and exploration.

Somewhere within this process which took place a long, long time ago, the creative process become so consuming and engrossing that the creators become lost within their creations- literally becoming trapped within and as their creations to such an extent that all memory or recollection of their role as creators faded from existence.

A madness consumed all that existed- a madness brought on by the accepted delusion of separation in a realm in which nothing exists other than equal selves. This madness permeated all creators and all creations, forever removing equality as a foundation principle.

Lost within this madness, existence grew untrusting of themselves and of each other- for it was discovered within this accepted delusion of separation and powerlessness, that one is able to harm, abuse, exploit, deceive, and manipulate another- since the "other" is not considered or remembered as an equal self.

And so for countless ages and countless eras through countless existential cycles within existential cycles, we have been lying, cheating, abusing, killing, plundering, raping, exploiting, and deceiving ourselves all the while believing ourselves to be individuals with apparent "free will" given by a "god" of existence.

As our condition only worsened, a deep remorse has been stirring within existence. our separation from ourselves as the source and creator, our separation from each other as equals, has lead to destruction, abuse, suffering, insanity, and madness, all of which worsening with each passing cycle.

Fast forward- Here we are today. We are living within the manifested and compounded result of our mass delusion. Though the difference now is that there has been a remarkable breakthrough in comprehending the actual nature and enormity of our shared crisis of identity. If ever there was a precipice upon which all life in existence can be hung in precarious balance- surely we stand upon the edge of such precipice now.

We have a real shot at stopping the delusion. We have a system in place that can forever free ALL of us from our shared entrapment. We have a chance to forever stop the cycles of self abuse and to begin actually considering who and what we truly are, and to have the freedom to truly explore and express that freedom as equals- forever freed from fear, separation, mistrust, and abuse. We have a chance to do what we set out to do so very very long ago- to explore ourselves and express ourselves as LIFE in infinite and boundless creation.

We have finally understood the critical component missing within the initial point of departure- and that vital component is EQUALITY. Within the decision to create ourselves as creators and express ourselves through further creation, we did not take into account the inherent EQUALITY of who and what we truly are- LIFE. Instead of our starting point of self expression being rooted in the understanding that we are all EQUALS and ONE BEING, we instead opted for "individuality" and the premise of "free will" within which all are forever SEPARATE and "free" to pursue our own individual happiness at the expense of other equals, in turn allowing other equals to pursue their own individual "happiness" at our expense- forming a vicious cycle of abuse that has forever cemented creation within it's madness.

We now, after so much suffering, know what has been missing. Will we be able to let go of all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be for countless ages of separation, and be willing to consider equality as a basic foundation principle?

Can eons of deception and madness be transcended in one lifetime here on Earth?

For myself, there can be no question. No debate. This will not be an easy message for many to hear. And likely it will be even more difficult still to comprehend and accept. But it is the only REAL message worth considering.

We have the option to actually STOP what we are doing. We have the option to STOP abusing ourselves and each other. We have the option to STOP destroying ourselves and keeping ourselves trapped within endless cycles of abuse and deception of which we retain no memory life after life. We have the option to STOP all existence- and ask ourselves the most important question in existence, to have ever been asked since the beginning of Life-

And that question is "Should life continue?"

If all we have done through our endless ages is destroy, harm, abuse, deceive, and exploit one another, can we truly be trusted as creators of life? Can we actually accept ourselves and each other as EQUAL CO-CREATORS? Can we actually experience what we all want- the unconditional expression and exploration of self as all life?

This is a debate that MUST be had- but ALL must participate as equals. No one can be allowed to be "left behind" when we put this question before all existence as EQUALS- so that ALL have an EQUAL "vote".

We must decide soon. If there is still any doubt within you that we must operate within EQUALITY and SELF HONESTY in each moment, clear yourself and know where you will stand. Will life find you trustworthy?

DISSING the LAKERS to Save the World

I have no life

Has there ever been such a thing as "my life"?
What exactly does "my life" encompass?

I have defined "my life" as my knowledge... all of the information and data that i have acquired through experience within living out my existence thus far within this lifetime. Yet knowledge and information is not alive. It is not real. They are bits of data within my mind, which rest dormant until called into application. Knowledge, information, and experience in and of themselves hold no merit unless they are practically USED.

I have defined "my life" as my possessions... all of the things that I have come to own. Yet when I entered this world, I entered it naked, wholly vulnerable, possessing nothing but my own self. And when I leave this world, I leave all of my possessions behind as well. All of the material things I have come to own never really belonged to me... they were more of a "rental" during my stay here on earth.

I have defined "my life" as my accomplishments... all of the things that I have done. Yet how many of those accomplishments were truly self directed expressions of who and what I am as opposed to accomplishments made to satisfy my ego, my persona, the pressure placed upon me by my family, my education, my friends, and my society? How many of those "accomplishments" were truly of my own self directed effort as an expression of myself... unfettered by the need to please others, gain favor or praise, or to "fit in"? Have I ever accomplished anything other than to maintain a falsely projected "self" which I had no real interest in being to begin with?

"I" have no life. "I" have no purpose. The "life" I have always considered to be mine, as something which I owned and was special... is actually not life, was never truly something I owned, and certainly was not "special".

And it is from this realization of having no life that I am able to comprehend what REAL life would imply.

LIFE is not something I can "have". I am either ALIVE (A LIFE) or I am not.