Thursday, June 11, 2009

I have no life

Has there ever been such a thing as "my life"?
What exactly does "my life" encompass?

I have defined "my life" as my knowledge... all of the information and data that i have acquired through experience within living out my existence thus far within this lifetime. Yet knowledge and information is not alive. It is not real. They are bits of data within my mind, which rest dormant until called into application. Knowledge, information, and experience in and of themselves hold no merit unless they are practically USED.

I have defined "my life" as my possessions... all of the things that I have come to own. Yet when I entered this world, I entered it naked, wholly vulnerable, possessing nothing but my own self. And when I leave this world, I leave all of my possessions behind as well. All of the material things I have come to own never really belonged to me... they were more of a "rental" during my stay here on earth.

I have defined "my life" as my accomplishments... all of the things that I have done. Yet how many of those accomplishments were truly self directed expressions of who and what I am as opposed to accomplishments made to satisfy my ego, my persona, the pressure placed upon me by my family, my education, my friends, and my society? How many of those "accomplishments" were truly of my own self directed effort as an expression of myself... unfettered by the need to please others, gain favor or praise, or to "fit in"? Have I ever accomplished anything other than to maintain a falsely projected "self" which I had no real interest in being to begin with?

"I" have no life. "I" have no purpose. The "life" I have always considered to be mine, as something which I owned and was special... is actually not life, was never truly something I owned, and certainly was not "special".

And it is from this realization of having no life that I am able to comprehend what REAL life would imply.

LIFE is not something I can "have". I am either ALIVE (A LIFE) or I am not.

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