Here I open up the point of
'isolation', where I will place myself into a point of self-pity and
seclude myself from participating effectively within my world due to
believing that I have made a mistake and that it is 'too late' for me
to adjust and correct myself, and due to not wanting to again face
the point of 'failure' make the 'decision' to just give up entirely
and give in to the experience of 'failure'.
This happens most often when I have set
up a particular expectation or idea about myself or about a certain
task or goal that I would like to accomplish but end up not living up
to my own expectation of it and thus creating the experience of being
disappointed with myself – because I had set an 'appointment' of
when I expected a certain thing to be done and that appointment had
been missed – thus I dis-appoint myself.
So when I create an idea and set up an
expectation and an 'appointment' for when and how a certain task or
goal is to be done and then end up not living up to the expectation
or missing that appointment, or in the example of having made a
decision to get a certain task done and ending up not doing that
task, I become 'disappointed' with myself and become angry with
myself because I feel as though I have 'failed myself' and thus
cannot and will not trust myself, and if I cannot trust myself then
it is very easy to become emotionally manipulative with myself and
create the justification/excuse that I simply 'cannot be trusted' or
that 'I cannot do this' or that it is simply 'too late' and there is
nothing that can be done to correct my mistakes or live up to the
original expectation that I had of myself, because apparently it is
no longer 'worth doing' since I wasn't able to do it the way I
pictured it in my mind.
When this happens the point of
'isolation' manifests where I stop participating in my world and do
not simply pick up where I see I made the initial mistake but rather
go into a self-defeat pattern where I simply give up on everything –
not just the original task or goal, but actually say 'fuck it all'
within myself and give in to the point of depression and
self-sabotage, and the longer I allow this point of self-sabotage the
more energy I give to the mind as the very design of self-sabotage,
and the more difficult it becomes to stand up again.
Here a vital point is missed where I do
not stop and simply have a look at what it is that I am holding on to
and allowing to limit and constrict me and why I am allowing myself
take the failure personally. because as soon as I allow myself to
take the point of failure personally and thus become disappointed
with myself, I do not see the opportunity to realize and correct what
I am participating in, and also I miss the point of realizing that
when I have an 'expectation' of myself I am already in a point of
separation and my actions/decisions are thus motivated by energy –
where I am trying to get to some point outside of myself and chasing
after an energetic experience where I can be 'satisfied' with myself
if I complete this certain task or goal, which implies that I am
currently NOT satisfied with myself.
When my starting point for doing a task
or working toward a certain goal is energy and wanting to have some
kind of 'payoff' at the end where I feel better about myself, my
movement is no longer a self-movement as myself, but rather a point
of energetic addiction – and thus when I am not moving myself as
self-direction, I am allowing myself to be motivated by energy, which
is never sustainable and will always 'run out', which leaves me with
the experience of 'suddenly' not having the motivation to do and
complete the task or goal and finding it more difficult to move
myself and direct myself effectively, because the energetic 'payoff'
seems so far away, and seems like so much work, and fearing that I
will not get to that point of 'payoff' where I can then feel better
about myself I become angry and disappointed with myself instead.
It is fascinating really because then
there is the experience of feeling as though I have been 'cheated'
when really I have simply been dishonest with myself and thus
'cheated' myself by placing more value within the expectation of
completing something than the actual self-movement of me within my
decision to do something – thus the 'value' as the energetic payoff
of 'feeling better' about myself became my motivation and already
within that I have separated myself from self-movement which is HERE in each breath.
Thus I support myself within this point
of going into 'isolation' where I am “so late” that I end up
getting angry with myself for not keeping my own 'appointments' and
thus become disappointed with myself, and to further justify the
self-abusive pattern by 'giving up' and going into an emotional
reaction of hopelessness and helplessness as self-dishonesty when
really the solution is as simple as taking a single breath, bringing
myself back HERE, forgiving the pattern and the 'failure' and let go
of the expectation and energetic 'payoff' as the reward, and simply
move myself and do what is required to be done in each moment.
Self-Forgiveness On “Isolation”
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to create and place value within getting certain
tasks done or achieving certain goals as energetic rewards for me to
'feel better' about myself and thus make that energetic reward my
motivation instead of moving myself without attachment to outcome or
setting up 'appointments' as expectations which then lead to
dis-appointment with myself when I experience myself as not having
sufficient energy as motivation to get the task done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to NOT see and realize how this very pattern of
creating an energetic reward as my motivation to complete a task and
to give up on myself and feel as though I have failed when I do not
achieve the task or goal and thus go into the negative polarity
experience of feeling 'low' and upset and frustrated with myself as a
'failure' is the EXACT same point that is playing out within the
greater scale as the money system – where each day billions of
people work themselves to a point of exhaustion and stress in order
to get to the promised 'payoff' in the form of money – and those
who do not receive sufficient pay will soon lose 'motivation' or will
feel inadequate or inferior within irrational self-judgment and not
see that when energy as emotional experiences of happiness or
'contentment' or energy as financial reward in the form of money are
the starting point for ANYTHING that one does, one is not in fact
moving as self-direction or self-expression and thus will eventually
reach a point of 'crash' where one does not have enough energy/money
to continue because both money and energy in this world are
self-consuming and never sustainable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to create value and attach emotional experiences
of 'happiness' and 'self-contentment' within completing certain tasks
or achieving certain goals and to NOT see within this how I am in
fact setting myself up for the negative polarity experience when the
energetic 'reward' dissipates and I am left with the opposite
polarity of feeling unworthy and unsatisfied, as though I can never
actually be satisfied – which would be true because as long as
satisfaction is based on energy and not based on actual self-living
as self-satisfaction, the 'experience' of satisfaction will always be
fleeting and will always create the polarity experience of
dissatisfaction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to become disappointed with myself when I do not
accomplish a task or achieve a goal or live up to an expectation that
I have set up for myself and to thus take the 'failure' personally
and abuse myself within self-judgment that leads to me 'giving up' on
myself because I blame myself for the 'mistake' and 'failure' when
'failure' does not in fact exist other than within the context of the
mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that the experience of self-defeat
and wanting to 'give up' and feeling as thought there is too much
pressure and resistance to walk through is just as addictive as the
experience of 'happiness' and 'contentment' for having accomplished
something which I have given value to outside of myself – and thus
it is just as easy to become addicted to failure as it is to becoming
obsessive about success – and in fact the two points feed and
compound each other as polarities of the same basic point – where I
am not living and being the self-value and self-movement but rather
allowing myself to be moved and motivated by addiction to energy –
whether it is the energy of 'success' and creating the experience of
'happiness' within me, or the energy of 'failure' where I create the
experience of 'disappointment'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to be a slave to energy and to be taken on
polarity shifts from happiness and self-contentment to depression and
disappointment instead of standing stable within each breath and
moving myself one breath at a time and aligning myself with the
actual physical movement and participation of me, directing myself as
my self-expression and not allowing myself to compromise my
self-movement for energetic experiences of 'happiness' or addiction
to the energy of self-judgment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to, when and as I notice I have not done a task or
achieved a goal to my satisfaction, abuse myself and give in to the
energetic 'payoff' of 'failure' and throwing a tantrum and saying
within myself 'fuck it' and for the rest of the day sinking into
depression and distracting myself with entertainment or other
stimulation to further feed and compound the experience of 'failure'
which only strengthens the hold of the mind consciousness system.
Self Correction -
I commit myself to
STOP beating myself up within my backchat and going into self-created
experiences of disappointment and 'failure' when I do not live up to
an expectation that was set up based on the energetic addictions of
the mind by bringing myself back HERE when I notice myself going into
a point of self-judgment or isolation where I want to say, or am
already saying within me “fuck it all, I already fucked it up”
and to STOP myself by letting go of my previous expectation and
letting go of any ideas or beliefs about what I might 'get' as a
reward for living up to the expectation of the mind because who I am
as my self-expression and self-movement requires NO reward or
motivation outside of myself.
I commit myself to
move myself effectively within the tasks that I do and the
commitments that I make by moving myself breath by breath and to
adjust and correct myself accordingly within practical considerations
of time and priorities and do not allow myself to give in to backchat
or self-abuse if a point does not line up according to the demands of
the mind because I simply breathe, let go, and start again from that
breath as though that was the very first moment of a new commitment –
and walk that new commitment until it is done.
I commit myself to
align myself effectively within moving at the pace of breath –
where I am not rushing or creating expectations projected into the
future where I am already attached to a certain outcome or potential
'reward' and factoring those experiences as valid when in fact they
are not here and I require to do the necessary work in order to
manifest those outcomes.
I commit myself to
stopping the pattern of i-so-late-tion where because I did not
complete a task or achieve a certain goal that I have set within my
mind I go into the excuse and backchat of “I'm so late” and thus
it is 'too late' to do what I initially intended to do and thus I
should just give up and 'spare myself' the further failure of trying
to recover what has been apparently 'lost' when in fact there is no
such thing as being 'too late' and I am at all times able to simply
BREATHE and move myself again.
I commit myself to stop fucking myself within seeing and realizing that when I allow the words "fuck it" to exist within me, I am the one who is being fucked within me giving in to and abdicating myself to the mind which will NOT be merciful or forgiving when I give into ideas and beliefs of failure and giving up - where whatever I allow myself to fuck myself with becomes compounded and thus more difficult to actual walk through and transcend.
Defining the Word “Isolation”
- the complete separation from others of a person suffering from contagious or infectious disease; quarantine.
Root word - “Isolate”
Sounding of the Words “Isolation”
“Isolate”
“I'm So Late, I'm Shunned”
“I'm So Late”
Here I see how I
have lived the words 'isolation' and 'isolate' – where I detach and
stop participating with the world – stop being a part of my actual
environment and attempt to 'quarantine' myself away from others due
to judging myself as being inferior and 'unworthy', where I attempt
to hide myself from others due to the shame and fear of having to
face the point of failure again if I do decide to stand up again.
Thus when the
point of “I'm So Late” comes up as a reaction to failure and
disappointment with myself, this pattern becomes triggered and
instead of participating with the world and making the necessary
corrections, I try to hide from the world because I am actually
trying to hide from myself, and thus fear that if I do participate
with the world the world may 'see' the fear and disappointment and
self-judgment within me – hence the defense mechanism of isolation
where I break away from the world and attempt to sort myself out or
at least not 'infect' others while I impose my self-quarantine
through self-judgment.
Redefining the word “Isolation”
How I will live
and apply the word “Isolation” is when I see and notice myself
experiencing being overwhelmed within the mind or going into points
of stress, anxiety, or fearing to lose or face a possible point of
'failure' and not living up to a certain expectation or goal, I stop
and ISOLATE the problem that I am facing so that I work through what
is troubling me ONE POINT AT A TIME – thus I isolate the problems
down to their actual components instead of trying to tackle them all
at once and getting lose within the tangle of it all.
As I isolate the
issues that I am facing to one by one direct and correct them, I
stand as the solution before each individual point that I face –
where I take what is causing conflict or friction or energetic
fluctuations within me one point at a time, place the point before
me, as me, and live the statement “I am the solution” instead of
going into “isolation” of myself.
I commit myself to
turning the moments that may lead to 'isolation' where I fail to slow
down and work on what is actually here from moment to moment, breath
by breath, point my point, I slow myself down and instead of becoming
isolated by my unresolved issues, I isolate the issues and walk them
one at a time – thus “I am Solution” instead of “Isolation”
