Layer by layer the design of procrastination is becoming clearer in the sense that i am seeing how procrastination comes through in different ways, and as i apply myself within being aware of when/where i am procrastinating, i am seeing the different ways i allow myself to exist within limitation and self-doubt - wherein i am holding on to self-interest within and as my mind/ego/personality.
in specific i am looking at the point of going into my mind within daydreaming - picturing myself doing things other than what i require to do in the moment - wanting to be doing things that are 'fun' for me instead of doing what is practical - which is a way of hiding my fears and resistances and not wanting to let go of self-definitions that may have to be transcended or at least walked through within doing those tasks.
for instance, i will see and realize that there are things that i require to get done - and if i have any resistances to doing these things, i will allow myself to go into the mind and participate in things that distract me from what is here - going into thoughts and pictures of things that are 'fun' - or going into a fantasy/imaginary experience in an alternate reality instead of being HERE with the task that is to be accomplished, or 'busying' myself with a project or several projects but not actually being HERE and actually participating in the project being worked on because 'working on a project' is just a cover - a way for me to not actually do what is necessary and practical to be done in the moment.
this can happen very quickly when i am not here and stopping myself and directing myself effectively and consistently - as this can build up into a kind of 'momentum' where once it reaches a certain point, i am lost within the distractions and end up not actually doing what is required to be done, which compounds and accumulates this point of me not following through with things that i see require direction.
this method of procrastination can appear very subtle - as though it was i myself who made the 'decision' to not do something because 'other things came up' or 'i didn't get to it and don't have the time', but in fact it is self who is accepting and allowing the mind to be in directive control of what i do instead of self standing within and as self-will and self-direction.
something i see is effective in determining whether i am indeed simply covering myself and hiding within participating in a project or distraction is to be self-honest within the question of 'am i actually fully participating in this?' and if the answer is no then it shows me that i am not in fact HERE because i am hiding another point in my mind that i am not wanting to look at/direct, thus i am actually just distracting myself with whatever i am pretending to do - as though by doing this i am able to 'trick' myself and others into believing that i am not procrastinating or existing within fear/resistance of taking on a point.
thus for self-support i will ask myself the question of 'am i actually fully participating in what i am doing in this moment, and if not why not/where am i?' and determine for myself when i am trying to bury myself in other things in order to not have to face/direct things that require self to actually apply self and change.
also, to stop the 'random' thoughts that come up within the mind as i am doing or considering to do what is required to get done - to not participate in or 'wonder' about what it would be like if i am doing something else that is more 'fun' for me.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within and as thoughts and pictures as a way to not face/look at/deal with a point
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the pattern of enjoying/participating in 'randomness' as thoughts and pictures from my mind which i have allowed myself to distract myself with
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thoughts and pictures that come up in my mind are actually self-willed movement
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i actually want what is presented within and as the daydream/distractions of the mind
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'have fun' and 'do what i want to entertain myself' instead of standing within principle no matter what
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself only want to do fun things or things that enjoy doing as a personality design
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from breathing here in the moment
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not direct the points that come up as 'random' thoughts and pictures.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing things right away within the fear and anxiety of having to face who i am within not having a 'plan' and not being 'prepared'
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a form of entertainment/escape/distraction within participating in thoughts and pictures instead of remaining here and moving self within self-will
i realize and see that i do not require energy to do what is necessary to be done - that i do not require to 'like' or 'enjoy' what i require to do - i simply move myself to do it and within the movement and self-direction i express myself as life and not as a limited being.
any resistance i have is a result of accumulation of thoughts and definitions that i have accepted as myself - the resistance is not ever real - it is only an energetic entity possession - charged by suppression and compounding of back-chat. thus whenever i see/notice myself resisting doing something it is my accumulated back-chat 'activating' in that moment and i am able to flag, stop, breathe, and push through the resistance - and reprogram myself so that i am no longer trapped in the memories/events/energy of the pattern.
so, i continue in walking through this point of procrastination - flagging the moments where i see i am stalling for time, distracting myself with other 'projects', participating within alternate realities within and as the mind instead of moving myself practically here in the actual physical reality, and using the application of asking myself in each moment whether i am fully participating here in awareness or if i am still having back-chat going on secretly inside me - which indicates that i am actually using what i am doing as a 'cover' and that i am not actually here expressing myself within self-movement.