Thursday, June 21, 2012

ISOLATION - Am I Too Late? Am I shunned?

Here I open up the point of 'isolation', where I will place myself into a point of self-pity and seclude myself from participating effectively within my world due to believing that I have made a mistake and that it is 'too late' for me to adjust and correct myself, and due to not wanting to again face the point of 'failure' make the 'decision' to just give up entirely and give in to the experience of 'failure'.

This happens most often when I have set up a particular expectation or idea about myself or about a certain task or goal that I would like to accomplish but end up not living up to my own expectation of it and thus creating the experience of being disappointed with myself – because I had set an 'appointment' of when I expected a certain thing to be done and that appointment had been missed – thus I dis-appoint myself.

So when I create an idea and set up an expectation and an 'appointment' for when and how a certain task or goal is to be done and then end up not living up to the expectation or missing that appointment, or in the example of having made a decision to get a certain task done and ending up not doing that task, I become 'disappointed' with myself and become angry with myself because I feel as though I have 'failed myself' and thus cannot and will not trust myself, and if I cannot trust myself then it is very easy to become emotionally manipulative with myself and create the justification/excuse that I simply 'cannot be trusted' or that 'I cannot do this' or that it is simply 'too late' and there is nothing that can be done to correct my mistakes or live up to the original expectation that I had of myself, because apparently it is no longer 'worth doing' since I wasn't able to do it the way I pictured it in my mind.

When this happens the point of 'isolation' manifests where I stop participating in my world and do not simply pick up where I see I made the initial mistake but rather go into a self-defeat pattern where I simply give up on everything – not just the original task or goal, but actually say 'fuck it all' within myself and give in to the point of depression and self-sabotage, and the longer I allow this point of self-sabotage the more energy I give to the mind as the very design of self-sabotage, and the more difficult it becomes to stand up again.

Here a vital point is missed where I do not stop and simply have a look at what it is that I am holding on to and allowing to limit and constrict me and why I am allowing myself take the failure personally. because as soon as I allow myself to take the point of failure personally and thus become disappointed with myself, I do not see the opportunity to realize and correct what I am participating in, and also I miss the point of realizing that when I have an 'expectation' of myself I am already in a point of separation and my actions/decisions are thus motivated by energy – where I am trying to get to some point outside of myself and chasing after an energetic experience where I can be 'satisfied' with myself if I complete this certain task or goal, which implies that I am currently NOT satisfied with myself.

When my starting point for doing a task or working toward a certain goal is energy and wanting to have some kind of 'payoff' at the end where I feel better about myself, my movement is no longer a self-movement as myself, but rather a point of energetic addiction – and thus when I am not moving myself as self-direction, I am allowing myself to be motivated by energy, which is never sustainable and will always 'run out', which leaves me with the experience of 'suddenly' not having the motivation to do and complete the task or goal and finding it more difficult to move myself and direct myself effectively, because the energetic 'payoff' seems so far away, and seems like so much work, and fearing that I will not get to that point of 'payoff' where I can then feel better about myself I become angry and disappointed with myself instead.

It is fascinating really because then there is the experience of feeling as though I have been 'cheated' when really I have simply been dishonest with myself and thus 'cheated' myself by placing more value within the expectation of completing something than the actual self-movement of me within my decision to do something – thus the 'value' as the energetic payoff of 'feeling better' about myself became my motivation and already within that I have separated myself from self-movement which is HERE in each breath.

Thus I support myself within this point of going into 'isolation' where I am “so late” that I end up getting angry with myself for not keeping my own 'appointments' and thus become disappointed with myself, and to further justify the self-abusive pattern by 'giving up' and going into an emotional reaction of hopelessness and helplessness as self-dishonesty when really the solution is as simple as taking a single breath, bringing myself back HERE, forgiving the pattern and the 'failure' and let go of the expectation and energetic 'payoff' as the reward, and simply move myself and do what is required to be done in each moment.

Self-Forgiveness On “Isolation”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and place value within getting certain tasks done or achieving certain goals as energetic rewards for me to 'feel better' about myself and thus make that energetic reward my motivation instead of moving myself without attachment to outcome or setting up 'appointments' as expectations which then lead to dis-appointment with myself when I experience myself as not having sufficient energy as motivation to get the task done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize how this very pattern of creating an energetic reward as my motivation to complete a task and to give up on myself and feel as though I have failed when I do not achieve the task or goal and thus go into the negative polarity experience of feeling 'low' and upset and frustrated with myself as a 'failure' is the EXACT same point that is playing out within the greater scale as the money system – where each day billions of people work themselves to a point of exhaustion and stress in order to get to the promised 'payoff' in the form of money – and those who do not receive sufficient pay will soon lose 'motivation' or will feel inadequate or inferior within irrational self-judgment and not see that when energy as emotional experiences of happiness or 'contentment' or energy as financial reward in the form of money are the starting point for ANYTHING that one does, one is not in fact moving as self-direction or self-expression and thus will eventually reach a point of 'crash' where one does not have enough energy/money to continue because both money and energy in this world are self-consuming and never sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create value and attach emotional experiences of 'happiness' and 'self-contentment' within completing certain tasks or achieving certain goals and to NOT see within this how I am in fact setting myself up for the negative polarity experience when the energetic 'reward' dissipates and I am left with the opposite polarity of feeling unworthy and unsatisfied, as though I can never actually be satisfied – which would be true because as long as satisfaction is based on energy and not based on actual self-living as self-satisfaction, the 'experience' of satisfaction will always be fleeting and will always create the polarity experience of dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed with myself when I do not accomplish a task or achieve a goal or live up to an expectation that I have set up for myself and to thus take the 'failure' personally and abuse myself within self-judgment that leads to me 'giving up' on myself because I blame myself for the 'mistake' and 'failure' when 'failure' does not in fact exist other than within the context of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the experience of self-defeat and wanting to 'give up' and feeling as thought there is too much pressure and resistance to walk through is just as addictive as the experience of 'happiness' and 'contentment' for having accomplished something which I have given value to outside of myself – and thus it is just as easy to become addicted to failure as it is to becoming obsessive about success – and in fact the two points feed and compound each other as polarities of the same basic point – where I am not living and being the self-value and self-movement but rather allowing myself to be moved and motivated by addiction to energy – whether it is the energy of 'success' and creating the experience of 'happiness' within me, or the energy of 'failure' where I create the experience of 'disappointment'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to energy and to be taken on polarity shifts from happiness and self-contentment to depression and disappointment instead of standing stable within each breath and moving myself one breath at a time and aligning myself with the actual physical movement and participation of me, directing myself as my self-expression and not allowing myself to compromise my self-movement for energetic experiences of 'happiness' or addiction to the energy of self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I notice I have not done a task or achieved a goal to my satisfaction, abuse myself and give in to the energetic 'payoff' of 'failure' and throwing a tantrum and saying within myself 'fuck it' and for the rest of the day sinking into depression and distracting myself with entertainment or other stimulation to further feed and compound the experience of 'failure' which only strengthens the hold of the mind consciousness system.

Self Correction -

I commit myself to STOP beating myself up within my backchat and going into self-created experiences of disappointment and 'failure' when I do not live up to an expectation that was set up based on the energetic addictions of the mind by bringing myself back HERE when I notice myself going into a point of self-judgment or isolation where I want to say, or am already saying within me “fuck it all, I already fucked it up” and to STOP myself by letting go of my previous expectation and letting go of any ideas or beliefs about what I might 'get' as a reward for living up to the expectation of the mind because who I am as my self-expression and self-movement requires NO reward or motivation outside of myself.

I commit myself to move myself effectively within the tasks that I do and the commitments that I make by moving myself breath by breath and to adjust and correct myself accordingly within practical considerations of time and priorities and do not allow myself to give in to backchat or self-abuse if a point does not line up according to the demands of the mind because I simply breathe, let go, and start again from that breath as though that was the very first moment of a new commitment – and walk that new commitment until it is done.

I commit myself to align myself effectively within moving at the pace of breath – where I am not rushing or creating expectations projected into the future where I am already attached to a certain outcome or potential 'reward' and factoring those experiences as valid when in fact they are not here and I require to do the necessary work in order to manifest those outcomes.

I commit myself to stopping the pattern of i-so-late-tion where because I did not complete a task or achieve a certain goal that I have set within my mind I go into the excuse and backchat of “I'm so late” and thus it is 'too late' to do what I initially intended to do and thus I should just give up and 'spare myself' the further failure of trying to recover what has been apparently 'lost' when in fact there is no such thing as being 'too late' and I am at all times able to simply BREATHE and move myself again. 

I commit myself to stop fucking myself within seeing and realizing that when I allow the words "fuck it" to exist within me, I am the one who is being fucked within me giving in to and abdicating myself to the mind which will NOT be merciful or forgiving when I give into ideas and beliefs of failure and giving up - where whatever I allow myself to fuck myself with becomes compounded and thus more difficult to actual walk through and transcend.

Defining the Word “Isolation”

  1. An act or instance of isolating.
  2. the state of being isolated.
  3. the complete separation from others of a person suffering from contagious or infectious disease; quarantine.
  4. the separation of a nation from other nations by isolationism.

Root word - “Isolate”

      1. To set or place apart; detach or separate so as to be alone.

Sounding of the Words “Isolation” “Isolate”

“I'm So Late, I'm Shunned”
“I'm So Late”
Here I see how I have lived the words 'isolation' and 'isolate' – where I detach and stop participating with the world – stop being a part of my actual environment and attempt to 'quarantine' myself away from others due to judging myself as being inferior and 'unworthy', where I attempt to hide myself from others due to the shame and fear of having to face the point of failure again if I do decide to stand up again.

Thus when the point of “I'm So Late” comes up as a reaction to failure and disappointment with myself, this pattern becomes triggered and instead of participating with the world and making the necessary corrections, I try to hide from the world because I am actually trying to hide from myself, and thus fear that if I do participate with the world the world may 'see' the fear and disappointment and self-judgment within me – hence the defense mechanism of isolation where I break away from the world and attempt to sort myself out or at least not 'infect' others while I impose my self-quarantine through self-judgment.

Redefining the word “Isolation”

How I will live and apply the word “Isolation” is when I see and notice myself experiencing being overwhelmed within the mind or going into points of stress, anxiety, or fearing to lose or face a possible point of 'failure' and not living up to a certain expectation or goal, I stop and ISOLATE the problem that I am facing so that I work through what is troubling me ONE POINT AT A TIME – thus I isolate the problems down to their actual components instead of trying to tackle them all at once and getting lose within the tangle of it all.

As I isolate the issues that I am facing to one by one direct and correct them, I stand as the solution before each individual point that I face – where I take what is causing conflict or friction or energetic fluctuations within me one point at a time, place the point before me, as me, and live the statement “I am the solution” instead of going into “isolation” of myself.

I commit myself to turning the moments that may lead to 'isolation' where I fail to slow down and work on what is actually here from moment to moment, breath by breath, point my point, I slow myself down and instead of becoming isolated by my unresolved issues, I isolate the issues and walk them one at a time – thus “I am Solution” instead of “Isolation”

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