Self forgiveness for desteni video "Self Moving and Mind Initiated Movement"

Here i forgive points that came up in watching the desteni group video Self Moving and mind initiated movement




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist hearing and integrating for myself sunette's words in this video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for 'falling' and to not see the realization that if I am able to experience falling, then it is an indication that I am not actually standing here as self within complete self acceptance in each moment and that I have gone into a projection and idea/self image that I have superimposed upon everything and everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an image and idea of myself of being at a certain stage of my process and that I am at that stage unshakable and solid instead of being vulnerable and totally exposed always as I walk within self acceptance at all times in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will perceive me as 'fallen' or 'not trustworthy' if I expose myself in a way that is contradictory to the image and projection that I am attempting to portray myself and live myself as within separation and self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being seen and accepted as something that I am not in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'already' at a stable and firm foundational point within my process wherein I am comfortable and confident in myself to take on and handle all things without difficulty instead of dedicating myself to walk and work with whatever is here and to do so step by step, point by point, in self honesty, gentleness, diligence, and discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for 'falling' instead of realizing that my 'fall' was simply an indication for self that I had gone into a mental projection/idea of myself that I was attempting to live as within separation and self dishonesty, and that 'falling' in that context is a point of support for myself within seeing where I am separating myself and where I am seeking validation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form ideas and perceptions about myself based on the qualities that I see within other desteni members and to desire to have those qualities for myself within imitating or attempting to integrate what I see within separation, thus forming an ideal that I attempt to live and become instead of remaining here in each moment in self acceptance and walking my process breath by breath in vulnerability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself openly and candidly and to expose myself as having issues and points where I am still in the process of correcting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the believe and projection that desteni members who are 'further in process' are able to deal with points without difficulty and that they do not experience the struggles that I have within my process and thus by this mental logic- if I am having difficulty then I am 'not in process'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic movement of guilt within wanting to 'fix what I did wrong' and 'correct where I have fucked up' within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I now must force myself and to place myself into situations that are not necessary for me to force or 'correct' out of guilt and energy and thoughts of having 'made a mistake' within experiencing me as falling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within wanting to fix my 'mistakes' with kelly within wanting to 'prove' that I am able to be trustworthy- wherein I am abdicating self responsibility and self honesty within my process and depending on feedback from another in order to validate where I am within my application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require to be able to push through everything in one moment based on comparing myself to the ideal picture of myself that I would like to be and live as instead of living here within each moment and applying myself within what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within going into guilt and regret and then participating in wanting to 'prove' myself and wanting to 'fix' everything and take everything on and to go searching and hunting for points wherein I am able to 'redeem' myself by breaking through or transcending from a starting point of seeking self redemption instead of living within common sense practicality here in each moment, dealing only with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a shortcut within this process and to desire to experience myself free of my limitations instead of accepting myself here in each moment and taking on the points that are actually here instead of attempting to force myself through.

I am the walking manifestation of my unconscious thoughts

who and what i have come to define myself as within and without is what becomes my physical expression.

i have defined myself as fear and regret for a very long time now... this has been my experience of myself and this has been my self designed definition both in terms of my inner "private" experience and my outer "externalized" expression, and thus, has become my manifested physical truth. it has become what i experience myself as in the truth of physical expression.

indeed, i am become fear and regret.

why then is this attributed to my unconscious thoughts? my current understanding is that it breaks down as follows-

THOUGHTS as internal "private" experiences- Represent fractions of the truth of myself as it exists within the space of the Conscious, Sub-Conscious and Unconscious mind. Each "thought" is a refraction of an aspect of myself from which i have become separated from.

CONSCIOUS MIND- Roughly 5 percent of total thought activity, mostly used on functions and execution of physical tasks given the current context of experience.

SUB-CONSCIOUS MIND- Place where thoughts, self definitions, the truth of self, judgments, etc are "stored".

UNCONSCIOUS MIND- From which the majority of "thoughts" arise as a separated part of self. The truth of myself in terms of what i have accepted and allowed myself to become exists here, and from this wellspring comes thoughts as representations of this "inner" self.

how then to stop? to stop is simply to STOP.

no more do i define myself as fear and regret, and no more shall that become my accepted and allowed physical expression.

no more do i define myself through the inaction and justification of fear and regret, and no more shall i allow inaction and fearful excuses to be my physical expression.

Inaction and Regret

The situation in terms of the political and economic status of America seems dubious at the moment.

We are now facing a worldwide economic crisis and the Federal Reserve and the central banks are trying to be our "saviors" while attempting to cover up the fact that it was them who engineered this crisis to begin with.

Martial law is becoming more and more of a mainstream topic. People are no longer as surprised at the notion of America possibly becoming a police state.

I am left to ponder whether or not I should effort to warn people or share my perspective of what is going to be occurring very very soon.

In reflection of this, I see that I cannot save anyone. I cannot stop what is coming. I cannot undo what has been accepted and allowed by myself and the rest of humanity. And even if I could, I would not choose to.

What will be occurring is nothing short of us coming face to face with the consequences of our own inner natures. What we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within and as, will be made very clear to us... and it will NOT be pleasant.

However, I find that I am not comfortable with the notion of simply sitting back and waiting for this meltdown to occur as though this is "what THEY deserve". I personally am just as responsible for this mess as anyone else. Does this not imply then that I personally have an equal share of the duty to clean the mess up?

So, I find that it is not to become a hero or champion and waking people up. Because doing so would only prove that the people were not able to do it for themselves and needed a "savior". No... it is to roll up my sleeves and get to work WITH and AS the people. Not as a leader, but as an equal.

We're all on the same boat, and the suffocating waters of regret and inaction do not discriminate between those who are aware of what is going on and those who are not.

Regrets? I've had a few

Regret is interesting... you know that there is nothing fun about having regrets... and you always know when you're going to regret something... and when you finally DO regret something you wonder why you ever allowed yourself to do or not do something which caused this regret.

Quite a fuck-up.

I regret a few things... but these things will have to be faced again. That's just how it works. Regrets NEVER dissipate or go away. Time does NOT heal this wound. It is with you because it becomes you, and you so completely manifest it's expression that you are no longer aware that it's still here, as you, in this very moment.

Everything... all of what you regret... is HERE, right NOW, as your very being. That being the case, your regrets are bound to loop back and hit you in the face... and you'll once again be standing before a moment where you can either confront the regret from your past and break the cycle... or you will wallow in your regret and do nothing... allowing the guilt to compound and hit you twice as hard next time.

What you have accepted and allowed in your past is NOT in your past. It's HERE. And until you deal with it, it will remain here with you no matter how far you think you've buried it.

I regret letting my fears get the best of me. I regret seeing things and knowing things that many people are not aware of and being too afraid to speak openly. I regret accepting limitations and fears within myself. I regret always giving up on myself and anything I care about because I have judged myself so harshly.

Till here, no further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in regret so much that it has become my very expression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand up and face myself in honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain inactive while I know I must take action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as "regretful"

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as being LESS THAN my regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to regret my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat my failures over and over because I believe that I am a failure and cannot succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in dishonesty with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed dishonesty and regret to be the directive principle of my being instead of directing myself as myself in full honesty here in every moment of NOW.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to release my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chain myself to my past, to my failures, and to my regrets so that I repeat them over and over, compounding my fear that this will always be "the way things are for me".

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that regret is not about the past... because the past is HERE, because I am still living in that past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "I cannot change things. I am not good enough to change things."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of standing up and expressing my self HERE in full honesty regardless of what people may think of me.