Monday, September 29, 2008

Regrets? I've had a few

Regret is interesting... you know that there is nothing fun about having regrets... and you always know when you're going to regret something... and when you finally DO regret something you wonder why you ever allowed yourself to do or not do something which caused this regret.

Quite a fuck-up.

I regret a few things... but these things will have to be faced again. That's just how it works. Regrets NEVER dissipate or go away. Time does NOT heal this wound. It is with you because it becomes you, and you so completely manifest it's expression that you are no longer aware that it's still here, as you, in this very moment.

Everything... all of what you regret... is HERE, right NOW, as your very being. That being the case, your regrets are bound to loop back and hit you in the face... and you'll once again be standing before a moment where you can either confront the regret from your past and break the cycle... or you will wallow in your regret and do nothing... allowing the guilt to compound and hit you twice as hard next time.

What you have accepted and allowed in your past is NOT in your past. It's HERE. And until you deal with it, it will remain here with you no matter how far you think you've buried it.

I regret letting my fears get the best of me. I regret seeing things and knowing things that many people are not aware of and being too afraid to speak openly. I regret accepting limitations and fears within myself. I regret always giving up on myself and anything I care about because I have judged myself so harshly.

Till here, no further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in regret so much that it has become my very expression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand up and face myself in honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain inactive while I know I must take action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as "regretful"

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as being LESS THAN my regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to regret my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat my failures over and over because I believe that I am a failure and cannot succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in dishonesty with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed dishonesty and regret to be the directive principle of my being instead of directing myself as myself in full honesty here in every moment of NOW.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to release my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chain myself to my past, to my failures, and to my regrets so that I repeat them over and over, compounding my fear that this will always be "the way things are for me".

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that regret is not about the past... because the past is HERE, because I am still living in that past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "I cannot change things. I am not good enough to change things."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of standing up and expressing my self HERE in full honesty regardless of what people may think of me.

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