Last night I did not write a blog or do a vlog, as per my commitment to blogging/vlogging each day, and within looking at this point i see that in the days leading up to this i had been participating in thoughts of needing to get my blogging/vlogging done each day and making it a 'rule' that i do this, thus creating daily blogging/vlogging to be an entity separate from self - something that i required to push myself to do because i had made it a 'rule' and not an actual self-movement. so as i continued to allow pressure, stress, and anxiety over the point of doing a blog/vlog each day, the point compounded and i found myself at a state of not actually being HERE, not actually blogging/vlogging from a starting-point of actual self-expression or self-support - and rather i was actually feeding my mind - feeding the constructs within me - possessed by the idea/thought of having to do a blog/vlog each day - and the resistance grew around that point. i found myself going into stress and anxiety whenever it would get late into the evening and i had not yet done my blog/vlog, and would compound this point of stress and anxiety and 'force' myself through it without actually investigating or supporting myself within the resistance - which only suppressed the point.
i realized that i was not actually writing for self-support - that i was writing just to maintain a commitment to write and post a blog/vlog each day - as though by virtue of me doing the act of posting a blog and uploading a vlog each day i was then 'supporting myself'- when in fact i was supporting an idea/opinion which ultimately lead to a lockdown/possession where i would experience massive resistance due to wanting to present myself a certain way, wanting to 'maintain' my blogging and vlogging to fit the idea i had about it.
so within this i have also constructed the point of polarity within 'not doing a vlog/blog' each day - setting up for myself the eventuality of an energetic 'low' if i do not blog/vlog because the starting point was of energy - of mind.
thus i now support myself to drop all rules - and stick to principle. it is not about whether or not i blog/vlog daily - it is who i am within it all, and how i will direct myself within each moment. it does not actually support me or anyone when i am not actually sharing self-realization or sharing self within actual vulnerability - it is ego and self-interest to want to blog/vlog from a starting-point of wanting validation or seeking some form of acceptance/redemption.
the correction here is not to stop blogging or vlogging daily - nor is it to force myself to blog/vlog from a starting-point of ego/mind. it is to clear the starting-point and get self-honest with who i am in the point of blogging/vlogging so that i am HERE and not writing from/as the mind and not going into energetic possession or losing myself within knowledge/information within my vlogs.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within blogging and vlogging daily
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist and compound the resistance to blogging and vlogging daily within separating self from blogging and vlogging and creating blogging and vlogging as a 'rule' that must be followed
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me for not blogging/vlogging daily each day
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not blogging/vlogging each day
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i cannot share myself unconditionally and that i must be 'clear', and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place pressure upon myself to constantly and continuously be 'expanding' and 'bettering' myself and sharing this expansion of self within my blogs and vlogs
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must be a 'model' for others in terms of self-expansion and self-correction, and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not changing, not expanding, not living up to the 'model' that i believe i must be
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind within it's interpretation of how i am doing within my process and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and judge myself as inferior to the expression of others in blogs and vlogs.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing self, and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that that which can be deleted was ever real or of actual substance
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am my mind and that the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that my consciousness experiences is real or lasting or special in any way.
I am HERE - and my starting-point within blogging and vlogging daily is to support myself within self-expansion and self-realization - and within this it is not about making sure that i post or upload something every day - it is to make sure that i am not in my MIND every day. always it is the starting-point that determines the manifested consequences.
When i see that it is not practical/effective for me to vlog or post a blog, i will not do so and will direct myself and support myself through applying self-forgiveness spoken or written, and/or i will support myself by investigating what is the actual resistance/fear that is in the way, and/or i will support myself within moving and participating within my actual reality if i see i am getting locked down and going into resistance doing the writing or vlogging, and/or i will assist myself within directing myself to take a nap and 'sleep it off' and return to the point the moment i wake up, and/or i will see whether there is something in my actual physical participation that requires change or direction.
i continue my application of blogging/vlogging - without holding on to any ideas or thoughts/opinions or making it a 'rule' that must be followed - and simply move myself within the point and trust self to direct self in that moment if i see that vlogging/blogging will not be effective/practical to do in that moment.