A point has been brought up within me being stifled and not allowing myself to unconditionally express myself within and as self-enjoyment, but rather having a specific set of 'rules' that i apply within my expression, and anything that does not fit the criteria of my definition, i judge as being 'wrong'
this point opened up in relation to me judging lindsay's expression of playfulness and enjoyment with beast (our dog, for those of you who don't know) and judging her expression as being of energetic possession and not being a 'genuine' expression HERE with beast - which is obviously my own reaction, judging expressions to be 'wrong' or 'bad' to participate in because of my own self-definitions
there are several layers to this point so for now i will keep it simple and revisit on this point later.
For the moment i will open up the point of me having abused expression within and as energy and mind -
i would be out with friends and i would put on a fake persona and would not actually be genuine - because i wanted to fit in and be accepted, and i have not wanted to see myself within the point of compromising self in order to fit in and have a social life - and instead of actually investigating who i am within those points of compromising self and how i was not being self-honest, i had made ALL forms of self-enjoyment within self-expression in the moment to be 'wrong' and 'bad'.
i am getting quite tired at the moment - i will direct myself to get some sleep and will continue this tomorrow