Saturday, February 12, 2011

The accumulation effect

I have been noticing far less severe anxiety and nervousness since first opening up the point and supporting myself with writing - though i see that i have not done self-forgiveness on the points that have come up in relation to my design of anxiety/nervousness as well as stress.

What i am seeing is the accumulation effect - within taking on this point of nervousness and anxiety, and pushing myself to face myself in those instances and to no longer feed or participate in the energy surrounding that design of self, i am noticing faster 'recovery' from the anxiety and stress as well as beginning to establish myself more and more. though it is at the moment still a slight improvement, i see that within applying myself consistently i am able to change - i am able to stabilize and support myself to stop this pattern for good.

i notice that the onset, or 'trigger' for the anxiety happens when i am about to do something or go somewhere to a place i had never been, and i begin to internalize thoughts, fears, opinions, and projections - going into my mind and not breathing - not being HERE. within this i would try to 'push through' the fear and resistances, but will already have activated my 'defense systems' and gotten possessed by the point. at that stage i will have to face the charges that i had built by physically participating in my reality - and that's okay from the starting point of rebuilding my foundation and seeing that I AM STILL HERE - and thus there was no need to participate in the system design of worry, anxiety, stress because i am in fact STILL HERE and the experience itself, as always, was not what my mind made it out to be.

Important here is to realize that accumulation goes hand in hand with consistency - that i must constantly and continuously apply myself, push myself, support myself in order to actually change and stand. without consistency, i am accumulating self-defeat and self-limitation.

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