Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Under Pressure and "The Matrix"

Today at work I experienced myself as noticeably more stable than i have been before. Thoughts and pictures would still come up and I would still get lost within and as the mind throughout the day, but I would bring myself back and drop all thoughts and pictures when I noticed that I am not HERE, whereas before I would have suppressed the thoughts and pictures and allowed self to remain within the mind and simply create new thoughts and pictures to distract self with.

At one point during the day I noticed a song playing saw that it was quite specific for me to hear that particular song, in the context of what I have been working through and facing in the last few days. The song was "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Freddy Mercury. The part that caught my attention the most was "This is our last dance, this is ourselves.... under pressure". The general 'tone' of the song from my perspective is about changing the way we are currently living, daring to 'give ourselves one more chance' to stop.

For myself, i saw that the last few days has 'shown' me who I am within the point of being 'under pressure' and going into panic and creating points to be 'larger than self' in order to not 'have to face them'. In the past few days I became aware of just how vital it is to be diligent within process and to stop any and all points of 'fickleness'. In allowing even a single thought of "this is too much" or "I can't handle this", the point will have to be faced and looped until self stands absolute no matter what and no excuses or justifications will be allowed.

I have seen how I have had the pattern of 'buckling' under pressure, giving in to fears and tantrums within and as the ego/mind in order to have things done 'my way' and not have to actually take personal responsibility. Each time this happens I am actually compounding the points that I am not allowing self to face and am simply looping ever 'bigger' time-loops for myself to walk through until I finally get it - just like how the current money system must continually loop itself into new debt schemes in order to keep everything running but postponing an economic disaster that grows with each cycle. This is the 'compound interest' that manifests within the money system and is the same compounding within self not taking responsibility and applying self-correction immediately, when the principle is still strong and has not been diluted and devalued.

Another point that came up for me today was the memory of a specific scene in the "Matrix" movie, where Trinity and Neo are in a car and Neo opens the door to reveal a heavy rain outside with a lonely looking path. Trinity reminds Neo that he knows where that path leads and that he doesn't want to take that path. Neo shuts the door and sits back, having made the decision to not take the familiar path and push through his resistances and fears. The image of the door opening to reveal the rain-beaten path and Neo closing the door is quite specific in terms of a process perspective.

I see that the rain symbolizes emotions/feelings - seemingly uncontrollable and 'pouring down' on the 'path'.

The 'path' symbolizes self-limitation and allowing self to remain 'in the matrix', controlled and totally enslaved by pre-programming, accepting things as 'just the way they are' and never changing.

"Trinity" represents self-honesty - helping and assisting Neo to see clearly and consider what is actually going on, but allowing for Neo to still make his own decisions and move himself even if he might choose the 'wrong' way and take the rainy path

Neo here represents myself - having the self-honesty and clarity to see exactly where that path will lead me, and that i do not want to take that path, and will myself to face my fears and resistances.

So the symbolic meaning here that I see within that specific scene is me deciding to not take the 'path' of the emotion/feeling path of self-limitation and existing within and as pre-programmed enslavement to systems, and facing my resistances and pushing through my fears within having seen that giving in to the emotional self-manipulation will only create another loop for myself to compound and walk through, and that i no longer accept taking that path.

I take the red pill.

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