Because the fortunate few rest insulated while the masses must huddle to ward the biting cold of unforgiving winter. And I would have it no other way, for I do not huddle amongst the masses, nor am I without insulation from the elements of seasons.
Because the stomachs of entire nations shall fall ill or perish from want of sustenance while the favored few dine upon delicacies. And I would have it no other way, for I am not ill from malnutrition, nor have I been remiss in my indulgences.
Because countless lives are ended by violence and destruction in the name of maintaining the order of things, and I would have it no other way, for I am very much alive and safe from danger, and may enjoy an order of things favorable to me.
Because the natural resources of this planet are exploited, plundered, or rendered defective by self interest while those who must depend on the equilibrium and balance of their environment and resources are left with nothing. And I for one would have it no other way, for I am able to enjoy my existence through the toil and sacrifice of others, even at the cost of planetary stability.
Documenting My Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness Process
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Self Recording for Self Assistance- Part 3 - In public
Boy oh boy... lots of buttons got pushed with this one. Pretty cool experience, having to walk with a camera pointed straight out in my face. I also had to speak up so that the camera picked up my voice properly, so I couldn't just talk under my breath.
There were definitely moments of "Oh my fucking god, what the hell am I doing? People must think I'm a nut" going on in my head... which was very cool to push through.
More on this to come.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Roof! The Roof! The Roof is on FIRE !!!
The house is NOT on fire.
That is the realization that I am beginning to experience.
I have allowed myself to grow so accustomed to things being "out of my control" that I often automatically assume that the worst is going to happen and that all of my fears will manifest and suffocate me.
When faced with difficulty, or even the looming possibility of difficulty, I automatically allow my programming to shut me down and accept failure. Automatically, I begin creating mental scenarios of me failing, and then go into fear about those scenarios playing out in real life.
When any sort of challenge arises, I behave as though I am trapped inside a burning house... that any struggle or attempt to free myself would be futile... that my "fate" is sealed and that only doom and demise await me. I mentally fan the flames of my own destruction... which of course then plays out in REAL life. Only it is not a house fire that caused my suffering... it was my acceptance that the fires burning within my mind were real.
I have created many such burning houses within my mind... one for each and every time I faced a challenge or some difficulty. I have survived each and every such "fire" unscathed. Regardless of what demise I have portrayed within my mind.. I remain HERE.
That is the realization that I am beginning to experience.
I have allowed myself to grow so accustomed to things being "out of my control" that I often automatically assume that the worst is going to happen and that all of my fears will manifest and suffocate me.
When faced with difficulty, or even the looming possibility of difficulty, I automatically allow my programming to shut me down and accept failure. Automatically, I begin creating mental scenarios of me failing, and then go into fear about those scenarios playing out in real life.
When any sort of challenge arises, I behave as though I am trapped inside a burning house... that any struggle or attempt to free myself would be futile... that my "fate" is sealed and that only doom and demise await me. I mentally fan the flames of my own destruction... which of course then plays out in REAL life. Only it is not a house fire that caused my suffering... it was my acceptance that the fires burning within my mind were real.
I have created many such burning houses within my mind... one for each and every time I faced a challenge or some difficulty. I have survived each and every such "fire" unscathed. Regardless of what demise I have portrayed within my mind.. I remain HERE.
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