Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Road to Giving Up Is Paved With WHINING
Whining is where one builds up a case - builds up a sales pitch - and eventually convinces self and gets self to 'buy into' the 'product' for the mind to consume - whining is where one creates and layers excuses and justifications to not do something or face something or take responsibility for something directly -thus whining is the actual first step toward sabotage - toward giving up - toward giving in to that point of consumerism and buying the product that has been marketed, advertised, and sold for profit - but in this case the 'product' that you convince yourself to 'buy' is the product of laziness - the product of getting a temporary relief or a temporary moment of stimulation in the mind where you apparently 'win' and get to have a nice experience within yourself, the product of self-diminishment - and in this transaction who gets the profit? It certainly is not YOU - but rather the 'profit' - the energy that you willingly gave up as part of yourself - went to the mind to create and sustain that experience of "Yay, I got what I wanted" and once the energy is consumed and the experience ends - you are faced with a peculiar problem - you are still having to face and deal with the point that originally presented itself - the point that you initially reacted to and went into resistance toward and then talked yourself out of by selling yourself an experience. So now that the 'product' has been consumed you realize that nothing has actually changed - and now you may find that you have less conviction - less motivation - less SUBSTANCE because you had previously allowed yourself to give in to the resistances and buy the 'easy way out' and try to escape from responsibility only to find that instead you diminished your own self-trust and self-integrity.
An example of this 'whining' tactic that I have observed within myself goes as follows -
Say there is a point that I see I require to direct and take responsibility for. This points requires that I set aside my personal preferences and addictions and that I commit within my responsibility to do something that I, out of self-interest, prefer not to do and have defined as something that is "not fun" and something that is "not worth the time" because I could be doing other, more "fun" things.
Begrudgingly, I then 'deal with it' by going through the motions of what I require to do, doing just the bare minimum - just enough so that I can still tell myself that I am 'really doing it' - yet in my backchat I am still whining - still building up the sales pitch - still telling myself:
"I will get to have fun once this is over with"
"Just get through this... just do the bare requirements... and then go right back to having fun."
"Man, this is stupid... this isn't going to work, but I'm going to TRY.... I will try a little."
At this point I am moving myself mechanically within the point - but here I have NOT made my commitment clear. I have NOT worked through the actual resistances and the actual backchat involved. Here I am already setting myself up for 'failure' because I am not in fact walking what is required to be walked as an actual expression and statement of me - rather I am doing it to 'get something' - which is to be able to, eventually, once I have sabotaged the point sufficiently and can say that this point is just 'not working', I will get to QUIT and GIVE UP because my commitment was never in fact clear in the first place, and thus any excuse - any justification - any 'sales pitch' that I can sell to myself, I will then buy into as my way out.
Back to the example - having gotten my toes wet within a new commitment or taking on a point of responsibility that I am doing begrudgingly and NOT as an actual commitment to self - the backchat will begin to get more and more devious and self-manipulative:
"Okay cool... it looks like I'm doing what I require to do... I am meeting the bare requirements... at least now THEY can't say that I didn't try."
"Man, I can't wait to STOP doing this... this is so much work... this is NOT what I want to be doing."
"Man I am being such a champ... I am being such a good, hard working, dedicated person.... look how long I have lasted so far... look how 'committed' I have been... so this had better be WORTH IT or else!"
"This is NOT working! I am doing what I need to do... I am making myself go through with it and put up with it and deal with it but it is NOT working! What's the point of this if it isn't going to work and I am GIVING UP my time, my focus, my energy, when I could be enjoying myself?"
"It is NOT my fault! Every time it is always just not working out no matter what I DO."
"I KNEW IT! God I was so stupid. I should have quit a long time ago. Obviously it wasn't going to work anyway. I don't even WANT to do that anymore. I gave it my best shot... I gave it my time, and I 'sacrificed' so much. The 'smart' thing to do now is 'cut my losses' and end this and stop WASTING MY TIME."
And voila! The sales pitch sinks in and the reason/justification is accepted and now I am able to QUIT and GIVE UP on the point - not seeing and realizing that from the very beginning - from the very starting-point - the commitment was NOT clear and thus I deliberately allowed backchat and self-manipulation through whining and complaining and thus creating the very context for my own 'giving up' - making a big show along the way of how hard it is, how difficult it is, how much work it is, how much I am 'giving up'... so that once the point has been sufficiently sabotaged, I can point at the big show that I made and say:
"But look! I did try. I did everything I was supposed to do. Now this means it didn't work. I mean, the best thing to do now is to stop - because continuing is just not going to work."
This is how the whining tactic comes full circle and becomes a self-fulfilling 'prophecy', the profit-see, as we profit-seek instead of realize actual value - where we buy into the quick fix and get to have an immediate experience instead of dedicate ourselves to building, shaping, slowly but surely, something that will last far longer than the brief burst of energy - where we sell ourselves out and pave the way for our own giving up and ensuring that we remain diminished instead of pushing ourselves past our own self-created fears and addictions to be able to see who we REALLY are when we are not directed by fears, backchat, resistances, but actually moving ourselves.
So, whenever one makes a commitment and is aligning oneself within a new responsibility or is in the process of establishing a new job, relationship, or change in one's life or living patterns, the STARTING POINT must be clear and the commitment and decision to walk that change must be absolute - otherwise the whiner tactic will start picking away at the weaknesses of one's character and will use one's own self-dishonesty and self-interest against self.
When one sees and notices this point of the "Whiner", which can in a way be seen as a 'salesman' in one's own mind that is trying to earn his next bonus - one is able to immediately stop and realize that one is paving the way forward to failure - to giving up - and to giving the 'salesman' his sales bonus at our own expense.
Here, self-forgiveness on the 'whiner' tactic.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and believe that the 'whiner' voices within me that complain and whine and make a big deal out of doing things that I have committed and made a decision to do are who I am, and that the reasoning and logic of those whiner voices must be the reasoning and logic of me - when in fact such voices are simply representations and manifestations of self-interest where I have not cleared up my starting-point within a commitment or decision and will thus 'talk to me' and 'speak to me' in thoughts and pictures of whining and complaining so that eventually I will manifest and make real my own point of self-doubt, self-compromise, and secret desire to 'give up' instead of following through on my commitments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually doing what I decide and commit to do within what I see is best for all and will be a choice/commitment that will honor and support me in being and becoming a trustworthy, effective, and self-motivated person that can stand as a point of change within this world, and thus giving myself backdoors to sabotage myself so that I do not in fact reach my highest potential simply because I have not cleared up my starting-point - have not actually understood the implications of my commitment and my decision, and the consequences of what I will end up creating as my life if I continue allowing myself to fall.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT stop the whiner within me and thus allow myself to listen to the sales pitches of the 'salesman' that is my self-interest and ego not wanting to lose it's biggest customer and willing to do and say anything to make his sale, and to believe that the whining and complaining must be who I am because it is coming from 'me', and seems to be using a voice and thoughts and pictures that have always seemed to be a 'part of me', so thus this 'salesman' must really know intimately who I am and what is best for me - and NOT see or consider until now that I have based an entire life on the deals from this salesman - so much so that I have taken the sales-pitches as backchat on as my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own desires, and thus not actually question the deal that I am making.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am implementing a point that I have not mastered or working on something that requires discipline and consistency in order to practically build something that will in fact last and be of actual support and value to me, not trust myself and not stick to the clarity of my decision and commitment and thus allow myself to be talked into giving up on something simply because I am not able to see and touch the results without first walking the necessary time and commitment, and thus believe that the results will not be there since they are not here now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine and complain within myself instead of STOPPING and realizing that there is a salesman in my mind that is reflecting and showing me my doubts and my fears and my uncertainties - thus it is not to allow myself to give in to the temptation and allow myself to be enticed to give up and not face those points, but rather to walk through those points - utilizing the resistances and the backchat as an indication that my standing is not absolute and therefore requires my direction and attention.
I commit myself to, when and as there is a decision and commitment that I have made and as I am walking this commitment I am see/notice myself complaining that it is hard or it is not working or that I am wasting my time and looking stupid - to STOP and clear up my starting point within making that commitment and decision in the first place and stick to the point that is best for all especially when this decision brings up conflict within me and I am wanting to give up and thus deny myself the gift of self-movement and developing actual self-trust as I shed away the layers of self-definition and self-interest and step back into the LIFE that I am.
I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice myself dramatizing a point and complaining to myself or others that something is hard or not working or just too much while I begrudgingly still do the bare minimum, I STOP and realize that if a point is in fact not working and not practical then I simply stop and there is no debate necessary about it and I simply change and adjust my participation. But if I am experiencing conflict and resistances within a point and yet I am still dragging and pulling myself in it and whining about it, then I am deliberately manipulating myself by NOT giving myself clarity and am paving the way for eventually giving up instead of being directive within what I am doing.
I commit myself to, for such points where I am complaining and whining, slow down and reveal for myself what I am setting myself up for in making such claims, and how/why it is that I am working against myself to sabotage myself - and what it is that I fear to actually face and walk through or let go of, what it is that I fear to embrace and become and change, that I am now whining and complaining about and setting myself up to give up on, and seeing for myself whether it is in fact worth it to give up, knowing that I will eventually have to come back to face this exact point - this exact question again, and perhaps be in a situation that is not as stable or supportive as the one I am currently in - and if I give up now and I do end up in this point again, would I be self-honestly okay with myself and my decision to give up in this moment now?