Thursday, November 15, 2012
Breaking Through Instead of Breaking Down
It is so very tempting within this process of self-honesty and self-change to want to simply 'give up' when it seems like things are not working - when it seems like the principles and realizations that one has had within self-writing and self-forgiveness and developing self-honesty as we participate in our daily living are just 'too far out' from the current patterns and relationships that we require to walk through first, and when one sees that one's participation in this world, and one's participation in one's own mind - in thoughts, reactions, pictures, feelings, and emotions is NOT supporting us to actually live and take responsibility for our creation and our participation - that is often when I find the point of wanting to 'give up' to be the strongest - it is when the moment of actually having to walk through our breaking point - the moments where we have to push ourselves deliberately through our fears and resistances and self-definitions and DARE to keep going especially when we have no actual idea who or what we will be 'on the other side' - through that breaking point - because up until now this breaking point is all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live as - and all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as.
There can be many such 'breaking points' for each individual depending on the nature of that individual's specific life and the relationships and conflicts that have most influenced a person's beingness - these breaking points are the moments where we give in and abdicate ourselves the most, and have done so repeatedly throughout our lives. This could be from personal issues that stem from family pressure and preprogramming, or social pressures where one repeatedly made a decision to diminish oneself in order to 'fit in', or where one has developed specific coping mechanisms to deal with internal conflicts and instead of facing those points in one's actual reality, on instead constantly and continuously would resort to the coping mechanism and that point would become a 'breaking point' because the being has never actually stood up and walked through the fear and anxiety and has never 'seen' who they are beyond that breaking point.
Often in my process I had gotten to such breaking points and did not push myself through, and rather gave in and said "Screw it - I quit. I can't do this." and in that statement I actually compounded and intensified that breaking point because I deliberately made that point bigger than myself and deliberately made the decision to diminish myself so as not to have to take responsibility for myself and walk through that self-created fear and limitation.
The fascinating thing is that I would ALWAYS end up right back at the exact same issue and would again have to face that same decision - over a long period of having to walk the consequences of NOT pushing myself through this point before - again I am faced with the breaking point where I had previously given up and though that by 'giving up' this point would disappear... because apparently I said "I quit. I give up. I do not want to face the consequences" and actually expected for this world, this reality, to simply honor my request to NOT face reality simply because I decided it was 'too much' for me.
This world is a world of direct consequence and accumulation - it is never personal and will NOT respond personally. This reality does NOT honor the illusions that we create for ourselves such as fear/resistance or our 'good intentions'. The only actual and reliable output that one can trust is one and equal to the actual participation and actual input that one lives and applies - meaning it does not matter how sorry or regretful one is about mistakes or decisions of the past - the consequences are already HERE and cannot be undone - and often it is when one comes face to face with actual consequence that one actually LEARNS and realizes one's responsibility - and it is that moment of realization of responsibility that the "I give up" tactic comes up as a 'last ditch effort' to not face the consequence and basically "surrender" because we admit to "guilt" and decide to in a way punish ourselves by secluding ourselves and isolating ourselves - but this is actually self-interest - because us hiding ourselves away and us throwing a pity party over our mistakes and trying to remove ourselves from facing and walking through the consequences does NOT in any way redeem us - nor does it in any way actually address the point of self-responsibility and change within seeing what we have accepted and allowed and thus created in this world.
In this world, we have prison systems that are based upon the premise that if one does something bad, one gets punished by getting removed from society and getting put away where one has to learn their lesson and be deprived of any relevant or purposeful participation in society - as though this in any way addresses or takes into consideration HOW and WHY a person came to the decision of committing the crime (assuming they were in fact guilty). And depending on the 'severity 'of the crime a person can, after having served their punishment, possibly re-integrate into the society that banished them - but NOTHING of actual relevance was done to address HOW and WHY that crime came to be in the first place - and such criminals may find themselves yet again repeating the same crime or falling back into the criminal world because no actual consideration or correction was ever implemented. The crimes continue not because there are not enough prisons - but because we 'give up' on those we deem to be criminals.
Similarly, we make ourselves prisoners to our own guilt and shame and self-judgment, and we 'give up' on ourselves and remain in our prisons of self-definition and fear and resistances instead of realizing that by pushing ourselves through the resistance and DARING to look beyond what we think we know of ourselves and break through our breaking points - we realize that the guilt was never necessary - the shame was never necessary - and the punishment and giving up was never actually real or even possible - because always we return to ourselves - always we face ourselves - and how long it takes before we have finally 'had enough' and finally give ourselves the will to walk through no matter what is only a matter of 'time' - though to consider that we do not have infinite numbers of chances to see ourselves and change ourselves - the consequences of our not standing up effect not only us, but everyone in our lives that will be affected due to our not taking responsibility and having to create a time-loop that prolongs everyone's process.
Thus - when facing a point of wanting to give up, realize that giving up now will only make it harder to stop and will only make the process of correction longer and more painful - because saying "I give up" and "I quit" does not remove us from consequence and only places us in a point of waiting - waiting for consequences to blow up again and cause enough havoc in our lives that we return to reality and realize that "giving up" is not possible. We WILL end up right back at the same point - though when we face the point again we will have gone through pain and diminishment and the process will be more painful - thus best to always push through such breaking points and save ourselves from unnecessary self-abuse.
Self-Forgiveness on "Giving Up"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that things will get easier or circumstances can become better without my actual participation and direction, and thus when things get difficult and I am faced with having to walk through a breaking point, to deceive and manipulate myself into "giving up" and hoping that 'next time' things will be better - when the obvious common sense would be that if something isn't working right now, and my potential future is always an outflow of my present moment, then it is clear that whatever I am not effectively facing here in this moment will NOT get any easier in the future and if anything will only compound into a 'bigger' problem due to the amount of time that is wasted in running away and hoping for something outside of myself to sort out my problems and issues.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the idea and belief that if I allow myself to 'give up' and 'walk away' and basically isolate myself and stop participating in my world and in my reality because I was apparently 'not strong enough' to face my responsibilities and my consequences, then this makes me somehow 'noble' because I am 'punishing myself' by removing myself from being a 'problem' when in fact all I am doing is hiding myself from responsibility and hoping that while I am 'gone' somebody else will come along and fix the messes that I have made.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "giving up" and making a decision to give in to my fears and resistances and self-interest and thus accepting a life of limitation, diminishment, and self-dishonesty is in any way acceptable or that this somehow removes me from still having to face and walk the consequences of my acceptances and allowances whether I think I am 'strong enough' or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-responsibility and making actual decisions and commitments when in fact self-responsibility and self-direction are the most powerful tools one is able to utilize to ensure that we stop existing in cycles of diminishment and fear - but rather ensure that in each moment we are always moving ourselves to the best of our ability and leaving no room for doubt or self-sabotage - so that even if there are mistakes or problems that arise, we realize that as long as we move and direct ourselves within self-honesty, there are no mistakes and no need for judgment or punishment, and any consequence is a consequence of our own deliberate creation - thus we can adjust and align ourselves again - and LIVE the point of responsibility instead of giving up and pretending that somebody or something else is to blame.
I commit myself to PROVE to myself that giving up is NOT real and can only have power and influence over me when I am blaming and separating myself from my own point of responsibility - and that there will obviously be mistakes and problems that arise within me taking directive control of my life after a lifetime of existing in the mind and giving my power away through fear and self-interest, but with discipline and self-commitment I slowly but surely change my living from a life of consequences and reactions to a life of creation and expression
I see and realize "giving up" is simply not possible because I see and realize the only thing I can actually do is convince myself and trick myself into believing that I am not creating my own consequences, but this trick eventually wears out and I will eventually again have to face my consequences and my responsibility of self-creation no matter what - therefore it is actually in my best interest to push myself through those moments of wanting to give up and move myself through the breaking points while I am HERE and am moving from a point of self-direction instead of having to create consequences for myself because I was unwilling to push and move myself.
Practical Solution -
When and as I see or notice myself accessing the point of "I give up. I can't do this." I stop and I stabilize myself in that moment through breathing and bringing my attention back HERE instead of remaining in my mind - and when I have stabilized myself I instead ask myself the question "If I give up on this now, will I have to still face this point and all of it's consequences eventually? and if so will it be any easier THEN opposed to facing it HERE?" and in this way I bring myself back to a practical self-direction instead of giving up and abdicating myself.
Within this I realize that there are some points that require time and in some contexts it may be best to not rush into a decision without ensuring that I am effectively positioned and prepared - but in this I can still be clear with myself so that my starting point is not "giving up" but simply a practical assessment of where I am now and what I am practically capable of working with - and if at the moment I see I am not stable or effectively positioned to take on a certain point, I am clear with myself and do what I require to do to ensure that I can and I will direct that point when I am able - thus not a 'giving up' but a 'readying for'.
For those facing this point of "Giving Up" and difficulties within making decisions - I HIGHLY suggest checking out the following interviews -