A point that I have often placed value
in throughout my life has been my ability to 'escape' into my
imagination and believe that I was 'special' for being able to create
vivid and 'wild' and 'robust' fantasy worlds and illusions and
stories in my mind which I would find more meaningful and far more
interesting and 'deep' than the actual world that is HERE.
As a child I would often be creating my
own fantasy worlds, populating them with people and plots and
intrigue between my imaginary cast of characters, and held an idea
that I was 'destined' to be a great story teller because of how much
'depth' I thought I was putting into the richness of the stories that
I would create in my mind. This point of going into my imagination
and creating whole worlds and sweeping 'epic' stories and going into
energetic and emotional reactions from the very stories that I myself
was creating was an intoxicating experience – where I felt as
though I was god and that I was creating something powerful –
something that elevated and exalted me, when really I was simply
addicted to the energetic and emotional charges that I would be able
to drum up within myself in my mind.
The more I participated in adding more
and more layers to my fantasy world, adding in more and more plots
and twists and developing the characters in my mind, the more 'real'
those imaginary worlds seemed, based on the amount of emotional
energy that I would experience within the stories I was creating –
where there would be moments in my day where I would 'tune in' to
that imaginary world and get a 'rush' of excitement as I placed
myself into the role of one of the lead characters and allow myself
to be swept up into the story – and there I would live out and
express the things that I feared to express in my 'normal life' in
the context of my family and the nature of suppression that I had
developed in my childhood where I had trained myself to suppress
myself and maintain a control over my emotions and feelings which led
to me trying to 'work out' my suppressed energies through my
'creative' mind as a way of 'releasing' the energy – but here I did
not see or realize that by turning within myself and creating worlds
into which I would 'charge myself up' with more emotional energies, I
was in fact digging myself ever deeper into my mind and into my
'great imagination' instead of actually facing and walking through
the points in my life where I was allowing myself to be directed by
the mind, by the energies, and by the suppressed emotions and
feelings that I did not understand and tried to control.
When I did sit down to write out and
place into an actual writing the stories that I would create in my
mind I would always get to a point of resistance, where I wanted to
manifest the story as I had imagined it, with the emotions and
energetic elements that I experienced and charged the story with, but
would not be able to translate that experience into my writing, and
here I would get frustrated with not being able to actually manifest
in reality my 'great epic story' and would not be able to live out my
idealized self-belief of my being a 'great storyteller'. Looking back
now I see that I was so caught up in the story in my mind that I did
not allow myself the patience and dedication and discipline to
develop my skills within creative writing and within a point of ego
wanted to simply 'manifest' everything instantly because that was how
I had created it in my mind, which here created an initial false
belief that I am somehow unable to write and unable to express that
creativity through my writing. So having no 'outlet' for the 'great
and epic' story that was building in my mind and not seeing the
solution of LIVING and participating in my reality instead of
settling for self-created worlds, I simply continued to be
introverted and isolated myself from others, still not allowing
myself to explore and express myself in my physical, practical world
and preferring the 'solitude' of my 'private' inner mind.
Thus the suppressed emotional energies,
the reactions, the anger, the fear, and all of the charges that I
would experience within me and would continually suppress rather thanexpress, became their own world inside of me, and while I thought I
was being 'creative' and 'imaginative' what I had actually been doing
was translating my internalized/suppressed experiences and
frustrations and energetic highs and lows into stories in my mind –
where I was simply taking what was already stored and compounded
within me as energetic experiences and memories that accumulated
throughout my childhood and compounding them and getting further
addicted to the energy and emotions rather than releasing the actual
points of suppression.
 |
| A moment of sarcastic common sense with Willy Wonka |
Thus here I debunk and disassemble the
self-belief that I have carried within myself in relation to
believing that I was a 'great storyteller' and to believe that I was
somehow 'gifted' with a 'great imagination' and to hold that belief
about myself as a point of ego and to not look behind this
self-belief and get to the actual point of separation – and see
that there was nothing 'special' about the worlds that I created and
that there was nothing 'epic' or 'grand' – but rather was simply me
attempting to control and maintain and use the suppressed emotions
and energies within me because I feared to actually live and express
me in the real world, and thus relied more and more heavily on me
creating worlds within myself through which to have the interactions,
relationships, and experience myself in the ways that I wanted but
knew would not be able to.
Self Forgiveness – Creating
Stories as a Coping Mechanism
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to, instead of developing real relationships and
participating in my practical, physical world, instead turn my focus
and attention inwards into my mind wherein I would create my own
worlds and my own fictional relationships with which to interact and
further define my experience of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to, in my search for more energy and stimulation and not being able to find such energy and stimulation in the real
relationships in my world due to the introverted and isolationist
nature that I had developed within me where I lacked the social and
communication skills to develop such relationships, instead turn
within myself and thus create fictional worlds and characters in my
own mind in order to get my energetic 'fix'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that participation in the
mind within energy is extremely addictive and to have allowed myself
to become addicted to the energy that I was able to experience within
myself when participating in the mind through creating thoughts,
pictures, stories, and allowing extensive backchat through which I
would 'charge myself up' as the 'experience' of me within myself and
within this to separate myself ever more from what is actually HERE
as the physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to, instead of participating directly in my
physical reality within developing relationships, participating in
activities with others, and getting 'out there into the world',
rather focus on developing internalized relationships with myself in
which I would further separate myself into compartments and alternate
realities where through the years I developed relationships with
alternate reality versions of people and personalities that I had
created in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to NOT see and realize the extent to which I have
separated myself from other beings in my world through the extent to
which I have isolated myself and allowed myself to delve further into
my mind as my main point of interaction – where instead of
interacting with this world and the people within it, I would instead
interact with the worlds I would create within myself and the
different voices/personalities that I would create in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear letting go of the sense of 'power' that
comes with being able to instantly create one's own world and be able
to adopt any kind of 'personality' that one desires, within the
'privacy' of ones' mind and to not see the extent of separation that
this causes within the beingness of oneself – wherein one is
speaking to self within the mind using different 'voices' and
energetic charges and allowing such conversations to become the
primary point from which one makes decisions about one's life and
one's relationship with the rest of the actual, physical world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to NOT see and realize the manifested consequences
of me splintering myself into various and multiple versions of self
existing in various and multiple dimensions in which different
'lives' and different personalities are created and stored as 'me'
and thus to not have a stable and accountable point of SELF that is
able to walk ONE LIFE effectively and fully, having split myself up
into various components and 'minds' within me, each attempting to
live out it's existence, and thus creating the experience within me
of conflict and friction and the perceived 'inability' to remain
focused and dedicated to ONE point and to walk that ONE point fully
and in detail – where I allowed myself to simply believe that I am
defective and simply 'not able' to function effectively instead of
seeing that I have simply been trying to live out multiple versions
of myself, in multiple dimensions and alternate realities, and within
this not having made a single and clear decision as to who I am, and
where I stand, thus not actually standing firm in any point in
specific – where the lack of a constant and firm decision creates
the backdoors and justifications to constantly 'give up' and 'get
overwhelmed' and to remain within the limitation and acceptance of
compromising me in my actual potential in this life – which then
becomes the living statement of my self-acceptances – which becomes
the actual 'example' that I am setting for the rest of existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to compromise myself and the ability to stand and
face whatever is HERE in my reality by becoming addicted to backchat
and the preprogrammed thoughts and reactions and experiences within
me, and to attempt to correct and 'fix' or justify how I experience
myself in relation to my backchat by creating and participating in
MORE backchat – where I create my own world and reality and fill it
with people of my own creation with which to secretly 'act out' my
actual desires and indulge in self-worship of my own ego and
righteousness – where in my mind I am always right and always get
the desired outcome that benefits me no matter who else might have to
suffer – and to justify these thoughts and pictures because
apparently 'nobody gets hurt' when I to this in the secrecy of my own
mind – not taking any responsibility for the accumulation of such
thoughts and backchat within me or the personality and ego and
self-interest that develops from allowing such a point to exist
within self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear letting go of my secret worlds and the
illusion of 'power and control' that I am apparently able to utilize
within my mind by creating my own - worlds and realities through my
imagination – not seeing or realizing that I have NEVER actually
been 'in control' of even my own inner realities because ALL of the
internalized worlds and relationships that I have created have been
the result of accumulated backchat and emotional experiences that I
have compounded throughout my childhood – and the nature of my
internalized worlds and creations reflect this in every way – this
I was never a creator but rather a 'compressor' of energies and
experiences that were ALREADY present within me – where I was
simply re-packaging and suppressing what was already here and thus
could not actually have been 'my' creation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe that it is even possible to create
anything 'new' or 'original' within my mind as stories or alternate
realities when the very foundation of my understanding and ability to
perceive and process information has been absolutely defined and
influenced by preprogramming and by that which was already HERE.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have sold myself and
abdicated myself to energy within and as the mind wherein I have
allowed myself to give up what is actually REAL and already HERE as
the substance of life and the potential that is here within this
reality for expression and expansion, and to have blinded myself and
fooled myself into accepting a version of reality as determined by my
mind and the preprogrammed relationships, thoughts, feelings, and
emotions of the mind consciousness system.
Self-Realizations related to
Creating Stories as a Coping Mechanism
- Allowing myself to constantly and continuously participate in creating alternate realities and worlds within my mind instead of walking, breathing, and directing myself in the actual physical reality accumulates more and more self-separation and conflict in my world.
- The conflict and friction that I experience in my world can be seen as a reflection of the conflict and friction that I experience within myself as the various dimensions and realities that I have created within me 'clash' due to me allowing the existence of alternate realities and dimensions that are not congruent or aligned and will seek it's own fulfillment without consideration of what is best for all.
- The experience of apparently not being able to 'walk a single point' or to stick to principle and commitment within decisions is an outflow/consequence of me not making absolute commitments within self that are aligned in all dimensions in self – thus where I experience a conflict/friction/backchat or resistance or excuse/justification – it is an indication of where I am still holding on to an alternate dimension/secret agenda that I am not allowing myself to forgive and let go of which is compromising my commitments and decisions.
- I have spend many years in accumulating backchat and emotional experiences which I have suppressed and then compounded into alternate realities within myself – thus it is not to judge or hold a grudge against myself but to see the origin point of what I had allowed myself to suppress and compound and to forgive and release that point and walk the correction of that point in my reality as I bring all dimensions HERE to the eye of the needle as I unify myself and align myself as ONE being, where my words, actions, and commitments are absolute in all dimensions of me.
Self – Correction on Creating
Stories as a Coping Mechanism
When and as I
see/notice myself experiencing a point of conflict/friction within my
experience of self, I STOP the voice in my head and do not allow
myself to participate in internal discussions that masquerade as
'self-introspection' and rather support myself to write the point out
in a self-supportive manner instead of trying to win an argument with
my own mind which will only create further self-separation.
When and as I
see/notice myself 'lost' within a point of daydreaming/fantasy where
I am not HERE and breathing and directing myself, I STOP and
investigate the 'nature' or 'essence' of the daydream so that I am
able to see where I am separating myself and where I am trying to
create an experience in an alternate reality because of a point that
I am not living/directing in my actual reality because I see and
realize that the daydream/dimensional shift is NOT good or bad and is
not to be judged or resisted or suppressed, but rather are
indications of where I am attempting to create something that I
desire using energy instead of seeing whether or not this point is
able to stand within what is best for all and whether I will be able
to bring this point to a practical point of manifestation in my life.
When I see/notice
myself wanting to escape a point of responsibility or see/notice
myself facing a point of resistance I STOP the voices in my head that
attempt to 'talk' me into a decision that may compromise me and my
point of self-honesty, and support myself to walk and apply myself
within a decision that is best for all – where there can be no
doubt or 'debate' as to whether or not my decision is one that is
able to stand the test of time.
When I see/notice
myself projecting into alternate realities in which I have an
idealized relationship or event or circumstance that is not actually
here in my reality, I STOP and realize that I am facing a point of
separation where I am trying to create what is not HERE and am not
allowing myself to walk the practical process of accumulation and
discipline required to manifest and make REAL and establish within
myself that which exists as a 'desire' that is separate from me, and
to realize and understand that any picture or idea in my mind will
always consist of energy and self-interest that does not take reality
into consideration and therefore will not actually be able to
manifest in this reality.
When I see/notice
myself 'zoning out' or going into and as reactions and backchat in my
mind instead of moving myself and directing myself, I STOP the voice
in my head and do not try to fight or suppress the resistance or
reaction. I stop and adjust and change what is able to be changed in
one breath, and that which I cannot self-honestly change in one
breath, I commit to accumulating the necessary breaths to slowly but
surely change as the eventuality of me, and thus allow myself the
necessary discipline and application and PATIENCE to walk my life to
a point of self-perfection, realizing that it took many breaths to
become who and what I currently am, and will take many breaths to
undo these foundations.
Redefining the
Word “Imagination”
Here I see the word “imagination”
as I have lived it – within the context of using imagination as a
means to “create mental images or concepts of what is not
actually present to the senses.”
Thus I have utilized the imagination like a magician, where
I-am-a-magician and able to create clever illusions
that distract and present a false assumption and presentation of
reality, often employing what can appear to be 'magical' means that
have no evident basis on actual reality or how it functions – thus
creating an 'alternate' picture of reality presented as though it
were 'real' without actually showing in detail the process through
which such an illusion can be achieved because that would ruin the
'spell' that the magician uses to captivate and compel the audience.
Who I am within
“Imagination” as “I'm a magician”
In my life I have utilized the point of being a 'magician' in my own
mind where I am able to conjure up at will all kinds of illusions and
distractions to keep myself occupied and distracted from actual
reality, through my imagination.
Within this point of imagination I would exploit a desire for
something that I have separated myself from – whether it is a
particular relationship or a particular 'feeling' or experience which
I believe would make me 'happy' – and will use that desire as the
justification for me to temporarily suspend my disbelief and common
sense so that I am able to accept an alternate version of reality and
for a moment be able to experience that point of desire through
'magically' creating such an illusion using energy in my mind as
thoughts, feelings, emotions, and 'imagination' – where I am both
the magician and the audience, feeding off of the energy of me
as the captive audience and turning that energy into the illusion
that I craft as the magician/imagination.
Thus I see the here of how 'imagination' is often linked and
associated with 'magic' and 'fantasy' – the 'imagination/i'm a
magician' point exists in relationship with the point of 'fantasy'
and the idea and belief of 'magic' where things are apparently able
to just 'happen' without any regard for practical physical processes
within the nature of actual reality and how as a child, I had allowed
myself to create such points of 'magical' worlds within myself
through my imagination – where the worlds seem to 'exist' in me
without any substance or actual physical effort- not seeing that the
energy to sustain and create such worlds comes directly from me as
the physical essence of me.
Self-Forgiveness
on the Word “Imagination” and association to “I'm a magician”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize
my imagination in the manner of a magician creating alternate
realities and illusions which are presented as 'real', which I
suspend my disbelief for in order to for a moment experience an
escape from this reality when the truth and actual manifested nature
of this reality cannot be escaped in any way and remains HERE while
any illusion or alternate reality that is created of energy must
eventually dissipate and fall and be revealed as the illusion that it
is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate
the sense of 'magic' and 'wonder' and 'fantasy' to the word
'imagination' without considering the actual and practical
consequences of allowing imagination to be part of ones ability to
access what is actually here as the relationships which are created
in the physical yet disregarded in the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that having a good 'imagination' is a skill or talent in and of
itself without considering the long-term effects of participation in
'imagination' and the creation of concepts and ideas that are not in
fact based on what is best for all in THIS REALITY but rather based
upon personal interpretations and creations of alternate realities
which ultimately always serve self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in 'flights of fancy' and allow myself to be 'swept away'
into the excitement of stories and the idea of magic and fantasy
without seeing and realizing that in such moments I am allowing
myself to deliberately indulge in feeding the mind and dulling my
actual senses in the physical to practically observe and see what is
in fact here, where I as the magician conjure and 'enchant' myself
into delusional realities that do not support me to stand HERE and
rather promise illusions that will inevitably burst as the temporary
bubbles that they are.
New Definition
of the Word - “Imagination” → “Image and Likeness in Action”
Thus the “imagination” must be the actual “Image and Likeness
in Action”, where just as a magician is able to create by
understanding certain principles and relationships and
manipulating/directing those principles and relationships to achieve
a desired effect, we are able to utilize the same function in a
practical way that supports who we all are in the walking of our
process of returning to the PHYSICAL and taking back our authority
and directive responsibility as the Creator, where we as the Image
and Likeness of the Creator can use our “Imagination” as the
“Image and Likeness in Action” - where through actual and
practical ACTION we direct the principles and relationships of this
reality to achieve a result that is best for all as our Creation.
We are able to, through understanding the principles of creation in
this practical reality, manifest and create that which is not yet
here and not yet manifest as our creation, understanding that only
that which is best for all in all ways and does not harm or lead to
separation or abuse, will be able to stand the test of time and thus
anything that is not in alignment within what is best for all will
not be able to sustain itself and will eventually fall.
In our role and responsibility as creators of this reality we are
able to see that which would be best for all through self-honestly
taking all into consideration as one and equal expressions of
ourselves, and we are able to determine what is currently here that
does not support the creation of a heaven on earth, and we are also
able to see and determine what is required to be here as the
infrastructure and placement that will enable the creation of a world
that is best for all – and though such a world can only exist as an
'image' for the moment because it is not yet here, we put that
image into the action of self-creation – through our
own living actions which accumulate to a result that is
mathematically equated to what is best for all.
Thus imagination is the faculty of seeing clearly as the 'image' of
what is best for all and is not yet here in our practical senses, and
to bring that image to action in the physical, where
imagination = image and likeness of the creator in action
– slowly but surely bringing HERE what exists for the moment as an
'image' of oneness and equality.
