SF - Desiring Relationship and Male Ego

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desiring to have a female
partner and within this particpation to allow thoughts of sex and relationship and intimacy with
women that i find attractive within my mind

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i require to have a
relationship with another in order to accept myself and be okay with my experience of myself
because i have defined myself as not being 'enough' and not being 'worthy' in and of myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find thin women with long dark hair
particularly attractive and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from women who are thin and have long dark hair within my own
ego projecting my own thoughts and pictures based on their physical presentation, which then
immediately disregards their actual expression here one and equal as me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself because of the addiction
to thoughts and energy as pictures and fantasies within and as my mind when seeing a young
woman and accessing myself within my mind and generating thoughts and pictures and desires within
my back-chat yet trying to pretend that i am 'innocent' so that the young women do not actually
know the real truth of me as what i am participating in.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself when
i notice myself having points of desire or secret backchat when seeing young women.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want a young woman to be my sexual
partner so that i can then feel better about myself and be able to accept myself as a man
because i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a man must be sexually active and
have a partner in order to be acceptable in this world

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i require to have a
female partner in my life that is attractive so that other men will see that i have an attractive
partner and will thus respect me because men with attractive partners are successful

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to associate being a man and being successful
with having the perceived status that comes with having an attractive female partner

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be envious and jealous of other men
who have partners that i would like to have for myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist at envy and jealousy toward other
men who have female partners because i want to experience the energy and ego boost which i have
attached to the idea of having a female partner and being able to let the world know that i
am indeed a man, that i am capable, that i have an attractive partner, and that this means
i should be respected and feared because i actually experience myself as inferior and weak

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire having a female partner as
a status symbol so that i can then instill and impress upon others, particularly other men, that
i am not to be fucked with or disrespected because i am a capable man.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up within and as self worth and
self respect and thus seek to be respected and valued by others outside of myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try to suppress and hide my experience of
fear, insecurity, anxiety, and inferiority by attempting to create myself to be the image and symbol
of a man who is secure, confident, and capable, which i have defined and associated with the
picture and idea of a man having an attractive female partner, having a good job and having money, and being
respected and feared by others.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from females and in particular
young women due to seeing them as objects of status and desire for my personality and ego in order
to survive as the 'male' persona.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire having an attractive female partner
as a distraction so that i can simply experience the energy of emotions, sexual desires, and relying on another
in order to experience myself as loved, accepted, adored, respected, valued.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire for a female partner who will
care for me, love me, accept me, fulfill my desire for intimacy and sex, and allow me to continue
existing as the ego/personality designs of me so that i do not have to actually stand up and
face myself in self honesty and can remain hiding behind the energetic experiences of having a relationship
and satisfying the role of the 'successful man'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire for women to find me sexually attractive and
want to be with me and boost my ego

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire for a woman to want to be with me so that i can then say that i am a man and that i am valued and that i am acceptable because an
attractive woman wants to be with me, and this means i am then better than any man who does not
have an attractive partner and that i am at least equal to the mean who do have attractive partners.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other men within the belief that
i must be better than them or at least equal to them if i am to survive in this world.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself as life within desiring to
be better than others and wanting to compete with other male egos in order for me to experience
the 'victory' of finally becoming a man - when in fact this is only feeding my ego as mind as i participate
in thoughts and pictures and emotions instead of being here, stable, as life, directing myself within
what is here instead of being directed by ideas and beliefs and comparing myself to others.

i realize that the more i allow myself to participate in the fantasy of having an attractive
female partner as a status symbol and as a substitute for self acceptance, self intimacy, and self worth,
the more i will actually diminish myself as life in the pursuit of those desires.

i realize that the more i allow myself to look at women and secretly entertain thoughts of wanting to
be with them, wanting them to have sex with me, wanting them to be my partner so that i can
show them off to the rest of the world in order to prove that i am a man and that i am to be
respected, the more i will manifest for myself the consequence of not living as self respect and self value

when i see a young woman and notice myself desiring to be with them or looking at them and picturing them
naked or wondering how i could get them to be with me, i stop, and i bring myself back here and realize that in that
moment, when accepting and allowing such thoughts of desire, i am separating myself from that woman and
i am allowing myself to diminish myself as well as being dishonest with that being because i am
having secret thoughts and picture fantasies about them without their 'permission'.

i am one and equal to the beings that are here and this means that each time that i allow myself to
lust after another being within my secret mind, i am actually dishonoring and abusing myself through
and as the mind.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from women within seeing them
as objects of conquest and objects to fulfill my inner desires instead of seeing them as one and
equal to and as myself.

i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to fully consider the position of women and
fully consider the dignity and expression and life essence of women as one and equal to and as myself.

when i see and notice myself having points of attraction to another woman or having thoughts of wanting
a partner based on the pictures and images within and as my mind as desires, i stop and realize
that they are in fact the same exact substance as me - and that any relationship being formed is
of the mind and is my own point being projected outwards in separation - where i am not seeing
the other as a physical human body here in expression as what it is, but rather as what i am desiring that
other to be in order to satisfy my personal fantasies.


who am i and what would i be if i never have a partner? who am i and what will i be if i never
experience having another to walk with and be with?

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist being with myself

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will think that there
is something wrong with me if i do not have a partner

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire having a partner in order to fit in
and not be an outcast in society

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loneliness

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from loneliness within
defining loneliness as something that is looked down upon and is to be avoided because there must
be something wrong with people who are lonely and are not able to have a partner in their life

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something wrong with me
because i do not have a partner in my life

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to be with me, myself, alone for the rest of
my life when in fact i am always with me, myself, alone, even if there is a partner in my life.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire and wait for a partner to '
be with before i accept myself and support myself and move myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself and within this doubt
desire to have a partner that will assist and support me.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit in with the rest of society because
i do not trust or accept myself to stand alone no matter what and thus want society to find me acceptable

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i cannot walk my life
and support myself and be capable of standing without a partner.

within this i realize that it is practical and supportive to have a partner in one's life when it is an
agreement and the support for each other is not coming from a starting point of lack or dependency, but rather
an equal and one understanding and support between two beings who agree to walk together and support each other

i realize that who i am and what i stand for must not change whether or not i walk with or without a partner

i realize that when considering what is here, it is preferable to walk process with another in an effective agreement because
the support allows both to face points more effectively if the agreement is stable and effective.

i realize that an agreement must not change who i am - that i must remain no matter what.

I stop. I take responsibility for the thoughts I participate in in regards to desiring women and participating in secret
fantasies and desires based on the image and physical presentation of women. Whether i have a partner or not, I walk, I
stand, i change. i will not wait for an 'ideal partner' to manifest in my world because i realize and understand
that no such thing exists. i determine in each moment the quality of me, and any relationship
that i participate in is a reflection of who i am and what i am accepting and allowing in and of
myself - thus my primary point is self - purifying self and ensuring that self is stable, that i am self honest and that
i am self-trust - so that i do not compromise myself for anything less than what is best for all - and from there
i walk the relationships of my world instead of trying to make relationships happen in separation out of desire and ideals that
i myself am not the example of, that i myself am not living.