I am currently working with the point of consistency and discipline within directing myself and the time that I have in my day and a few fascinating points have come up within this.
What is fascinating here is that discipline and consistency are actually the very tools that one must master in order to be successful in anything that one takes on, and the more disciplined and consistent one is, the more effective one becomes in manifesting the outcome that they would like – and this is not to be compared to the Law of Attraction theory of 'focus on what you want' and the Universe will simply manifest it for you by attracting your desires into your reality based on your thoughts – here I am speaking about the practical application of discipline and consistency and how that is a part of our self-creation.
What I am beginning to understand and apply for myself is the realization that it is through accumulation that we create who we are as well as influence our environment and the world that we participate in. This reality is based on a kind of 'input/output' programming where the things one participates in constantly and continuously will be most likely to manifest – and this is true for the words that we speak to ourselves in our backchat as well – because if one is constantly and continuously participating in diminishing and self dishonest back-chat, what is in fact happening is that one is already scripting self and accumulating the points where the back-chat will actually manifest and play out in one's world and ones reality because it is the 'reality' that one has actually accepted within self, as the back-chat.
A point that I have also come to realize is that there is no hiding from back-chat because that which we are accepting and allowing within ourselves WILL manifest within our world in one way or another so that we face the point of our self-creation, and we take responsibility for what we are doing to ourselves and others – so when it comes to back-chat I have had resistances to working with the actual nature of me, the actual nastiness that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and try to hide in my secret mind where apparently nobody can 'find out' but really there is no point to trying to hide it because any fear of judgment from others is actually my own judgment of myself, my own guilt and shame of myself for having allowed such participation within me in spite of self-honesty – and thus to judge myself or try to suppress these points further or try to 'cope' with it just won't work because I am still HERE and I am with me and I cannot in fact lie to myself because self is always aware even when self is being deliberately dishonest with self, self is aware – and in that awareness is the point where self must and will eventually stand either by self direction or by manifested consequence.
So to bring this point back in relation to resistances to discipline and consistency.
Firstly I see that I have held on to ideas and conceptions about discipline and consistency that do not actually support me in how I would like to live those words as me.
Firstly, discipline – I have attached the idea of being 'punished' and being 'forced' to do something against my will, something that I do not want to do and do not agree with doing, but am being made to do it by an authority that has power over me, which I resent and want to 'fight back against', so I begrudgingly do the thing that I am being forced to do because I am being 'disciplined' and have to trust the other being that this is 'for my own good' – this of course coming from experiences in my childhood in relation to my mother and how I experienced her as 'disciplining me' when I would be scolded or made to correct myself in order to fit what my mother perceived to be the correct thing for me to do in terms of what she believed was best for me.
So here already 'discipline' has a negative connotation and a separation from self in terms of believing that 'discipline' is something that I must do in order to please/appease something outside of myself – such as another person, a group, or an ideal separate from me as who I am – and here is where resistance plays a role, where I am wanting to 'fight back' and wanting to 'assert myself' within trying to defend myself and protect the current ideas and definitions I have about myself in fear that I am being 'challenged unfairly' and being 'forced' to do something I don't want to do and not trusting self within doing what is actually best for all and for myself, and fearing that what I am trying to 'discipline' myself for is not in fact best for me.
So here is the point where backchat comes up about 'discipline' – where I go into excuses and justifications within ego and wanting to defend why it is 'not necessary' to apply myself within discipline on a point that I am working with – such as “That's not going to work anyway” or “I'll get to it when I'm ready – I'm not ready right now and I have other things I'd rather do”, or “I will allow myself this time to not stick to discipline and instead do what I desire to do and then I will apply myself within discipline again, after I have indulged myself”.
So when I participate in these points and allow myself to give in to this backchat, I am actually already participating in a form of 'discipline' – where I as my mind/ego/self interest/personality apply the 'discipline' of not standing up and stopping my participation within thoughts/energy as desires and preferences – and the more I allow this to continue, the more disciplined my ego and backchat becomes – the more persistent and persuasive it becomes, because the backdoor has been left WIDE OPEN for such points to possess me and compromise me as the standing of myself within self direction. So here already I am quite 'disciplined' through the process of accumulating instances where I have allowed my backchat and desires to direct me instead of applying myself, stopping myself, correcting myself, and establishing myself as the directive principle of me within awareness and self honesty.
The same can be said of consistency – which I would define to be the actual practical application and participation of that which one is disciplined within. So if my 'discipline' is to allow my backchat and desires to control and direct me, then my consistency would be that of compromising myself and diminishing my self trust.
It is interesting here to look at 'consistency' because it can also relate to that which one 'consists' of – meaning that which one is 'made of' in terms of substance – one's 'consistency' can be see as a reflection/description of one's 'build' and 'design' in the same way that physical materials have a certain 'consistency' in terms of their qualities – the same is true here of the consistency that we build ourselves and create ourselves from – thus where one applies discipline is where one has consistency, and that consistency is the building blocks of who we are as our 'substance', what we 'consist of' as the self that we are creating.
Self Forgiveness on “Discipline”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the point of discipline by defining it through ideas, pictures, opinions, and experiences from my childhood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline within believing that it is something that is difficult and something that I should be wary of within the fear of being made to do something that I do not agree with and do not see the benefit of.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I do not see immediate results for, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously fear the future and project fears into possible futures which I end up walking into.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I do not immediately see and know all the answers to because I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and remain here with myself no matter what.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline within the fear that it might not work out and I will have wasted all of my time within disciplining myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from discipline within attaching the application of discipline to memories, experiences, and beliefs related to self doubt and wasting time, wherein I project failure before I have actually, fully applied myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live and apply the realization that self creation is a process of accumulation and within this, self must be consistent and disciplined without fearing the result because the fearing of not seeing the result is accumulating the fear of not seeing results, which creates that exact experience within my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/resist discipline because I have held on to memories and ideas about myself having given up before on many things and not having had the discipline to keep on going no matter what, and fearing that this is who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because I want a guarantee that I will succeed and when I do not see instant results or change, I become discouraged because I have not developed sufficient self trust and self value, and thus place value within 'success' as something outside of me to be attained once I have applied “discipline”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because it does not stimulate me within energy of 'instant gratification' and 'reward' which I have become addicted to and have defined myself by, wherein if I am not experiencing the stimulation of being rewarded with something, then I go into an energetic withdrawal and seek the next point of instant gratification to feed my addiction to energy instead of accumulating for myself a point of stability within discipline that is not based on polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear discipline because it I have defined myself as being unaccountable and unreliable and fear to face that point within myself due to accumulated shame and guilt, which are only mechanisms of my ego wanting to defend itself and not have to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the change of myself that will come with discipline.
I STOP. When I see/notice myself distracting myself and not applying myself within discipline for the points that I set for myself to participate in and accumulate for myself such as writing, studying, or pushing myself to correct and change a pattern within me, I will immediately live and apply the correction and complete the task that I set for myself instead of allowing myself to be further directed by and thus further accumulate backchat.
I realize and understand that when I am not disciplined and directing myself, I am allowing myself to be directed by preprogrammed stimulation and that such stimulation will only lead me to cycles of positive and negative while constantly diminishing myself as life as who I am, and within this my self trust diminishes because I am then living and reacting to experiences and memories and emotions and believing them to be me instead of actually taking responsibility for myself and changing and living for real.
I will not judge myself or participate in backchat of self diminishment or self doubt as I walk this point of discipline because I see and understand that this requires self trust and requires consistent application within time – and that I will have to face and walk through the times that I did not trust myself and stand up from where I am instead of judging myself and believing that I am 'failing' because I do not see instant results or instant change.
Thus discipline is not something that is a punishment that I must begrudgingly do while secretly not actually embracing the discipline as myself and waiting for the opportune moment to rebel and resist and find a 'way out' of having to 'do' the discipline as something separate from me.
Discipline is me, establishing myself, building a foundation upon which to further specify and refine the creation of me – thus I embrace discipline as a tool and method to structurally change me as the foundations I have previously accepted and replace that which did not support and serve me to be and become a being that stands eternal within self honesty and what is best for all, to be able to walk here one and equal and have no shame or guilt and share in the opportunity that is here as physical, as the potential of heaven on earth.
Self Forgiveness on “Consistency”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within the belief that I am not aware of what I am doing and thus am not required to be responsible for my consistency, which is that which I 'consist' of, which is a result of the things that I consistently participate in and allow within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consistently participate in and allow backchat as self-doubt and self-judgment which has become part of the foundation upon which I have built my current character and 'consistent-cy'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within resisting discipline and consistent application of self correction, instead allow for myself to accumulate the consistency of diminishment and untrustworthiness wherein I do not take responsibility for my self accepted flaws and limitations and instead attempt to cope with and 'live with' such flaws and limitations, and to become nasty and spiteful to those in my world that stand to challenge and these foundations and support me and encourage me to change and let go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate the consistency of not caring about myself and thus not caring about others within the justification of “I do not deserve life so I do not care of others deserve it too because I don't have a stake in being here, so I do not have a stake in the responsibility that is here for all, one and equal”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate the consistency of not caring about those who stand to change themselves and this world within having participated and accumulated the point of 'giving up' on myself instead of realizing that I simply have not embraced myself as life and have not stood equal to the potential that is here to change self and stand up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate the consistency of finding excuses and deliberately distracting myself from facing myself and establishing myself within self trust and self honesty due to fearing my own past and fearing my own fear, which is fearing my own self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself within not understanding that I have created this fear within thoughts and beliefs and thus I do not require to ever fear because I am able to stop and delete these constructs within me, and live the realization that fear is not supportive and will never actually assist me and will only create that which I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that consistency is key to self creation and that I am the manifested outcome and result of my consistency, and to deliberately not take responsibility for what I am consisting of within that perspective.
I stop. I take responsibility for myself within my consistent-cy because I see and realize that what I consistently accept and allow and participate in becomes the actual consistency of who and what I am and what my world will be as a result of that.
I will myself to be consistent in the points that will strengthen me within self trust and the resolve to do whatever it takes to stand within self honesty and to do at all times what is best for all.
I will myself to be aware of that which I am currently consisting of, in terms of that which I am currently consistently participating in, which will by accumulation define and specify the effectiveness and result of me as self creation because I realize and understand that my consistency is my foundation and if my foundation is lacking, then my self creation will not have proper support to be everything that I can be.
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| Photo by Joana Ferreira Edited by Marlen Vargas Del Razo | Desteni I Process |
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