Sunday, July 3, 2011

Deconstructing my Male Ego Design - Part 1

 Here I am opening up the point of the male ego, and how I have participated in this design of being a "male".

Within the experience of being a "male ego", I see that I am consistently in points of judgment and self-sabotage, which then leads to a polarity manifestation of wanting to dominate and be in control due to otherwise being in a point of perceived inferiority.

Often what happens is that I will want to achieve something, but will go into fear and self-doubt about the point that I want to accomplish, and will then find ways to sabotage myself and create ways to blame my environment or the people around me so as to not have to face a point of "shame" - which is me holding on to my male ego pattern of never wanting to be seen as 'weak' or 'wrong', and wanting to always be a the winner and be seen as confident, competent, and 'worthy' - as though by being such qualities I am better than others and thus can justify feeling good about myself and participating in delusions of grandeur.

Within this design there is also the tendency to not want to hear when I make a mistake - I will want to argue or not face the point and sometimes will go into a lock-down where I shut myself off and do not want to communicate about a point due to not wanting to be judged as weak or 'wrong' - not wanting to potentially face myself due to the unwillingness to admit my 'faults'.

Another play-out of the male ego point is when I would go into a form of energetic possession in which I would experience a sudden 'rush' when I do accomplish something that I set out for myself to accomplish, or I will brush off the projects that I would start but never finish. This is obviously not sustainable or acceptable, as I would either give up entirely on a point without actually pushing myself and applying myself - or I would go into an energetic experience of "wow, I'm cool" or "Now people accept/validate me"

I at the moment I see that much of my male design behaviors are rooted in the point of not accepting myself and allowing society and the media to be and become my 'role models', where I took on that point of presenting myself as an acceptable male according to the idea and belief that the male must always be right - that the male must be in control and direct himself as such - otherwise it is a sign of weakness - this constant need to compete with other males can be seen within every institution in the world - and thus far there have been no winners in man's constant competition against himself and his fellows. Rather, we have manifested a world as men that is now at the brink of disaster and unimagined consequences, in which men have had the role of dominance without having effectively directed the responsibility that comes with such power.

It is time for men to let go of the male ego design. It is time for men to let go of competition and participating in fearing to appear 'weak' and 'inferior' when in fact it is REAL strength and courage to stand up and take responsibility for ourselves and our world, as well as to will ourselves to face all of the dimensions of self that we have kept secret and never ever wanted to know. A better world is ready to be born and it will have no place for the dishonesty and self-interest of the male.

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