This is not the body of my design.
Up until roughly August of 2008, this physical human body was mostly occupied by an automated system that I call "Joe Kou".
No, I was not implanted with a brain control device out of some kind of science fiction movie. But... it's kind of close to that.
Your human body is the outward reflection of who and what you are within. It is the outpicturing of your inner reality and of your idealized core of "self" as you understand it.
My human body is the perfect manifestation of what exists within and as the mind of Joe Kou. And up until fairly recently, I had lived my entire life in this body as Joe Kou, thinking and believing that who I am is but my experiences within my mind which included thoughts, ideas, pictures, beliefs, emotions, and opinions.
For 26 years now, my physical human body has been developing and manifesting in accord to who and what I accepted and allowed myself to be within the context of being "Joe Kou". And now, as I am more and more noticing the truth of myself and experiencing myself HERE, I am realizing that this physical human body has rarely been moved by ME.
For 26 years, this human physical body obeyed, responded to, manifested with, and supported me as a mind construct. It has perfectly manifested itself in relation to all that I had allowed myself to be up to that point.
I see now the blemishes on my body... each specific in it's placement and significance... each representing a blemish which I had accepted and allowed within the core of me, which I kept "supressed" within myself and yet was brought forth unconditionally by my physical human body.
I see now the frail structure of me... and how I have always accepted and allowed myself to exist as "weak" and "ineffective" as well as "inadequate". My body, unconditionally, represented this physically equal and one with my inner perspective.
How long have I been sleepwalking? How long has this body been operating under an unconscious mind system, unconditionally supporting something that held no regard or awareness for self?
How long have I slumbered in the submergence beneath this "Joe Kou" mind construct that has been masquerading as "life" on my behalf?
As I apply myself to remain HERE in awareness as the truth of me, I am "getting to know" my body for the first time. For indeed, I have never truly seen it with my own eyes.
Documenting My Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness Process
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Fucked by Sex
Wow...
Desire for sex... it's a crazy thing. It is programmed within us. It can drive us to do things if we allow it to.
What creates rape and sexual abuse in this world? Desire for sex... the very SAME desire that I have within me.
What separates me from the rapist and the raped? To be honest... there is no such separation because I am both.
In the wanting of sexual pleasure with another person... I am in effect stating that I lack something and that I must have this in order to be complete again, and without it I will surely suffer in the wanting.
This very statement is acted out in my reality... in my daily live, and often without my full awareness.
It is in the way I find myself looking at women... looking at their bodies, and the pictures that come to my mind... the fantasies I entertain within, in the total secrecy of my intimate thoughts.
It is in the way I objectify women in terms of my sexual attraction to them. Judging them by their looks alone and reserving my attention to those I judge to be attractive.
It is in the way I conduct myself... in a manner designed to be acceptable to the women I have privately judged to be better than others because of their physical looks, which come directly from my desire for sex. While on the other hand I ignore these mannerisms for women who do not "make the cut".
All of this simply contributes to the solidity and control of the sexual desire which really just enslaves me further as a "Joe Kou" program.
Desire for sex... it's a crazy thing. It is programmed within us. It can drive us to do things if we allow it to.
What creates rape and sexual abuse in this world? Desire for sex... the very SAME desire that I have within me.
What separates me from the rapist and the raped? To be honest... there is no such separation because I am both.
In the wanting of sexual pleasure with another person... I am in effect stating that I lack something and that I must have this in order to be complete again, and without it I will surely suffer in the wanting.
This very statement is acted out in my reality... in my daily live, and often without my full awareness.
It is in the way I find myself looking at women... looking at their bodies, and the pictures that come to my mind... the fantasies I entertain within, in the total secrecy of my intimate thoughts.
It is in the way I objectify women in terms of my sexual attraction to them. Judging them by their looks alone and reserving my attention to those I judge to be attractive.
It is in the way I conduct myself... in a manner designed to be acceptable to the women I have privately judged to be better than others because of their physical looks, which come directly from my desire for sex. While on the other hand I ignore these mannerisms for women who do not "make the cut".
All of this simply contributes to the solidity and control of the sexual desire which really just enslaves me further as a "Joe Kou" program.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
It's not money, it's ME
Money is not the root of the evil... it is only the tool.
Money is innocent. Is a form of exchange. It is indeed a currency... a current that must be allowed to flow freely and without unnecessary obstruction so that it does not become choked off or deviated from it's course.
It is necessary for this natural flow of currency to be freely accessible by all, for all. We require this vital and life supporting stream in the same manner that we require the flow of blood within our own bodies.
It not not the intrinsic existence of a money system that allows for the atrocities done by and through money. It is the hands that the money is handled by. It is the obstructions placed against the fair and free flow of currency that renders us into categories of wealth and austerity.
Money itself cannot be blamed for usury and abuse any more than a pen can be blamed for grammatical errors or the misspelling of words.
We are inclined to place blame upon social paradigms and systems that exist as an outflow of who we are, instead of placing the scrutiny properly upon ourselves and our responsibility to self correct our misplaced acceptances.
Money is innocent. Is a form of exchange. It is indeed a currency... a current that must be allowed to flow freely and without unnecessary obstruction so that it does not become choked off or deviated from it's course.
It is necessary for this natural flow of currency to be freely accessible by all, for all. We require this vital and life supporting stream in the same manner that we require the flow of blood within our own bodies.
It not not the intrinsic existence of a money system that allows for the atrocities done by and through money. It is the hands that the money is handled by. It is the obstructions placed against the fair and free flow of currency that renders us into categories of wealth and austerity.
Money itself cannot be blamed for usury and abuse any more than a pen can be blamed for grammatical errors or the misspelling of words.
We are inclined to place blame upon social paradigms and systems that exist as an outflow of who we are, instead of placing the scrutiny properly upon ourselves and our responsibility to self correct our misplaced acceptances.
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