For a long time now, I as Joe Kou had been in a process to "discover" myself... and trying to fill a "void" within me.
I did not know what this void was, or where it came from... but I felt it. It was that feeling inside of me when I saw honestly what was going on in the world... that feeling that was showing me "this is NOT the way."
This nagging "void" was an emptiness... it was like a question mark hanging over me which nobody else seemed to see. It seemed to be my personal "burden".
I dug into the topics of metaphysics, parapsychology, occultism, spirituality, and ancient wisdom traditions... all in an effort to find a way to fill up this void.
There would be brief moments of apparent "clarity", as though I had found a key into unlocking the bubbling mystery inside me... but none of it has ever lasted more than a month or so. After such epiphanies I returned to that state of emptiness... and again the weight of that invisible question mark hung upon my shoulders.
What I now realize is that the void... the "emptiness"... the unanswerable question... is who and what I really AM, and truly was... through the entire time of me being Joe Kou.
I am the one that knows "this is not the way". I am the one that is living within and as that very question of how things got this way and what can be done to "get it back on track"?
I as Joe Kou did not realize at the time that Joe Kou was the illusion all along.
And so, some application here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for meaning and reason OUTSIDE of myself instead of standing up within and AS the things I was seeking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the experience of this inner voice as something "bad" which had to be gotten rid of.
Great.
ReplyDeleteI can also see myself as the void
Looking for answers outside without realizing that I am the answer I am looking for.
C.