Anger as the "Anchor" to the Past

Joe Kou

3/30/2012

Here I am continuing with the point of anger which I opened up in a previous writing.

When I look at the point of anger a bit deeper I see another 'dimension' to it beyond the realization that anger is not actually 'power' and that within my experience anger has actually been an energetic outflow/consequence of fear and not having stood up for myself, which leads to self judgment and thus the building up of 'anger' due to having allowed self to abdicate to fear.

The other dimension I am looking at now is how these experiences of anger – especially those that are quite intense and can actually become physical possessions – are all based on specific memories within the past. (When not directed, we are actually able to lose ourselves to these memories instead of realizing who we are - check out this interview on Eqafe for more perspective - "How I Ruined My Life with a Memory")

When I experience this point of 'anger' within me I am able to see that it never has anything to do with the immediate person or situation that may have been the trigger for my reaction, and that it is always about a point within the 'past' upon which the anger is based on.

So looking at the point of anger within this perspective, I see that anger is an outflow of fear, and fear is an outflow of memories and the past, where a certain event may have happened in my life where I allowed fear to direct me and due to this acceptance I later judged myself for not having stood up in that moment – and every time anything similar to that moment occurs in my life wherein I am faced with the same consequence, I experience the anger, which is like a form of telling myself “Well, here it is again and still nothing has changed. I've been through this before and I know exactly where this is going to go and I didn't stop it”. Thus anger is an indication of self-dishonesty and self-compromise that has already occurred.

What is fascinating here is that I am at all times able to stop – and I am able to forgive myself for all of the times that I have not stopped before and I do not need to burden myself further with judgment or beating myself up if I do make the same mistake again. What is relevant is that I see clearly how I created the situation and what I will do to ensure that I direct the point practically and effectively and that I do not make the same mistake again. It is absolutely unnecessary to have made a mistake and then to go into an emotional reaction about it – and within this it is important that I do not allow myself to make a habit of or form an addiction to the energy of self-judgment as the experience of 'anger', because that will only have me stuck in the same loops over and over, getting more and more angry with myself while I make more and more of the same mistakes.

Thus, anger can actually be considered an anchor – anchoring ourselves to and as our past within our memories and programmed behaviors and patterns, and in a way tying us down to the points in our lives that we 'regret' the most or have the most fear/resistance toward, and unless we find the 'cord' or 'chain' of events that ties us to the weight of the anger/anchor and free ourselves from it, it is possible that we end up sinking along with the anger/anchor deeper into the depths and finding it only harder to 'surface' again.

 Put another way, the anger is actually showing me points where I have compromised myself and I was fully aware that I was compromising myself in that moment, and these points of self-dishonesty and compromise will keep showing in in various forms, through various people, through various events, until I finally 'get it' and cut the anchor through self-forgiveness and self corrective application – so that I am able to actually move on with my living and my expression instead of being 'tied down' to that which prevents me from moving forward.

Here, self forgiveness on “Anger” as holding self to/as the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that anger and fear are based on memories of the past and that whenever I allow myself to be directed by anger or fear I am in fact making the statement that I am my past and that the memories and beliefs I have about myself based on the experiences of and as my past are more real than who I am here in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past is more 'real' than who I am in this moment and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my 'past' into a belief about my 'future' due to having defined myself by and as my past and thus assuming that since I am my past and my past is more 'real' than who I am here, then according to the logic of the mind I will be the same way in the 'future'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that anger is not who I am and that I do not require to become or remain angry with myself when facing a point where I have not stood up within the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself instead of realizing that the anger is self-created and that I do not have to participate within it as an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger is a part of 'who I am' because it has apparently been with me for 'so long'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge anger and to believe that anger is something 'bad' and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from 'anger' instead of allowing myself to understand it and see how it works and what it is showing me within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the anger for 'holding me to my past' instead of realizing that I am the only one holding me to my past and the anger is simply indicating to me what points in my past I have not self-forgiven and have not given direction to.

I am not my 'past' from the perspective of seeing and understanding that I am at all times creating me and determining who I am with each breath that I take, and thus I am able to change me HERE instead of recreate and repeat the same experiences of and as my 'past'.

When and as I see myself getting angry at myself for my past I will stop and simply realize that the past is already done and gone but I am still here, and if I still allow myself to dwell on the 'past' then I will only continue the cycle of not being HERE.

So here I see that 'anger' is actually able to be seen as an 'anchor' that keeps one from straying off without making sure that one's 'ship' is in good order for sailing.

Anger does not have to be something to be feared or avoided – it is able to be seen as an indication of where I have participated in self-dishonesty and self-diminishment before – thus the 'anchor' is a tool that is able to make sure that I do not miss the opportunity to correct myself by serving as an indication when I am facing a point from my 'past'. 

Get the exclusive interview "My Life of Anger" on Eqafe today!