Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Self-Dedication and Change
within accepting the fact that i am currently limited and must walk a process of uncovering the layers of self that have been constructed through time and accumulated participation within and as the mind/ego, i am able to be gentle with myself and actually care about myself enough to let go of fears and resistances to change. here, the starting-point is actual self change instead of me simply wanting to redeem myself or 'fix' something in order to cope with my reality.
i am allowing myself to see and be self-honest with the extent to which i have participated within knowledge and information as a means and way of projecting and presenting myself in order to control and manipulate instead of actually sharing self within vulnerability - and within this not judging myself or beating myself up over it - rather investigating who i am within this behavior and move myself within self-correction.
what has assisted me greatly in the past days is pushing the point of sharing and exposing myself with my partner, and getting self-honest with my points of backchat and back-doors - admitting to and taking responsibility for what i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and accumulate within myself, and realizing that it is never 'personal' whatever comes up.
a point of stability and amazing support within all of this is the application of breathing - bringing self back here within and as the breath, moving within and as the breath, and realizing that i cannot do more than what is able to be done within one breath - and that if i am not here within breath then i am in my mind - when this happens to not judge myself or go into further reaction - simply address the issue and if i require assistance, ask for it - do not linger in the mind within back-chat and do what is here, what is actually in my reality breath by breath instead of going into internalizations, projections, fears, judgments, pictures, etc.
an interesting note here is that when i am effectively breathing and applying myself within self-acceptance instead of self-blame and sticking to the decision to change and face myself, seemingly insurmountable points become far less intimidating within the realization that i am not limited by anything other than myself.
so i continue - breathing and walking, accepting and directing