Sunday, March 20, 2011
Shut Up and STAND! Less Talking, More Walking!
Within this, there is also a point of wanting to blame and project upon another that they are somehow to blame for not seeing/recognizing that I am experiencing myself as not directing myself and wanting for the other person to somehow know this and in a way direct the point for me, wanting to blame the other for 'talking too much' and 'wasting my time'.
An example of this is when a specific point opens up and it is discussed and the practical corrective application is clear - yet the application is not applied, and I find myself defending or going into memories or speaking about the system instead of self-honestly directing myself in that moment and stopping further conversation which is, at that point, only further feeding and compounding systems and reactions.
I see that the main reason why this occurs is that I have a "nice guy" programming within me still active where I do not actually direct myself or stand within self-honesty and allow myself to compromise myself in order to be 'nice' - and within this wanting to be nice, i actually participate in further back-chat and internalization.
An example of the backchat is "Why are we still talking about this? What is the point of just sitting here throwing words at each other? Why am I not simply directing and moving myself within the self-correction? We're just wasting time."
But in actuality I am the one who is not directing myself, and I am only getting more frustrated and angry with myself because I am not willing to definitively move myself and say "Okay, I don't see that we need to talk further, lets actually direct this point or move on to something else."
Within this, I must also consider the other being - to not disregard the other within my own self-interest of wanting to get things done, concerning myself only with 'my time' and 'my points'. It is to establish what is practical and functionally most effective. Speaking points out is cool - it assists with opening and developing more effective communication and allows us to work through points. So it is to find the right 'balance' - not allowing myself to simmer and marinate in points while the point is clear, understood, and the necessary correction is evident - it is not necessary to go into further discussion beyond that, which only feeds the mind-consciousness system and results in self-correction not actually being done.
what is best for all is that i push myself to be fully here and participate with the conversation as points are being opened up and discussed, so that i myself am not allowing backchat to accumulate and distract me. once the point is clear and a physical/practical correction is able to be done, then do it without hesitation - and if it is not practical to do that correction immediately, then move on to the next relevant point or thing that requires to be done - do not allow myself to remain within the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project onto another that they are wasting my time and wanting to participate in unnecessary conversation when i am the one who is responsible for how i am experiencing myself
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project onto another the points of 'they are not regarding me' and 'they just want to argue over unnecessary shit'
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the self-limitation of a 'nice guy'
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and my self-honesty within allowing self to have backchat and not direct myself in the moment to apply the necessary self-correction when a point becomes clear and the correction is understood.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient and spiteful to the other person who is speaking because i am not directing myself within the point of conversation, and blaming the experience within myself on the other being.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the point of internalization and mulling things over within my secret mind when a point is being discussed or when i am experiencing a reaction within me which was triggered by the 'other' being.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the other as they are sharing their perspectives while i am in my own secret mind instead of exposing my backchat in order for me to communicate effectively with the other.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want the other person to admit that i am right and that they have been talking too much, instead of me taking responsibility within self-honesty to direct the point within the consideration of what is best for all.