Trusting Self

Trusting myself - i see that this is a point that i must be consistent with.

I have noticed a pattern-design of me not trusting self and within this, participate in allowing myself to manipulate myself within self-doubt, and then allowing myself to be directed by others.

Even within making a decision, i am already doubting myself, and already i am setting up for myself an eventual play-out of having to face the consequence of me being in a position that is completely uncomfortable and unnecessary, wherein i abdicate myself and stumble into situations where i trap myself into loops of self-judgment and inferiority instead of remaining here as the directive principle in each moment.

I am seeing how 'fickle' my design can be - how i have allowed myself to constantly be seeking direction/support from others due to a belief that apparently self is not 'worthy' or 'good enough' - and thus when others give me support or advice i will either resist them and go into self-defense, or i will completely abdicate myself and allow for the other to basically 'take control' and direct me.

thus i see how i am actually not accumulating self-direction because of still holding on to self doubt and inferiority, and waiting/wanting others to assure me that the decisions that i am making are the 'right ones'.


i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my own self-direction

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my own point of self-trust

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire for others to direct me/support me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself within and as self-direction

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on what other feedback

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stifle and constrain myself within anxiety and fear that i might 'mess it up' and that 'i am most likely to get things lost'