Taking on the future

Today I experienced myself taking on my actual physical reality in a way that I had not done before, and it was quite a cool experience.

The night before, Lindsay and I prepared a list of all of the things that we would like to get done today - and wrote out a loose time-frame in order to make sure that things get done. Having seen re-aligned and adjusted how we will be walking together within our agreement it was cool to take it back to practicality and focus on how to actually expand and become more effective within the actual physical world instead of focusing only on each other's points and limitations.

This morning as we awoke, the 'agenda' was set for the day and we knew exactly what we were going to do, where we were going to go, what we needed to buy at the store, and what would be the most practical/effective way/route to get things done.

Having our day practically scheduled out in this structured way was very assisting for me within my point/pattern of internalizing and mulling over a point inside myself for long periods of time in order to 'figure it all out' inside myself instead of taking on the point directly within the physical. Within having the day 'scheduled' out this way I did not have any time to participate within and as the mind - we were consistently/constantly moving ourselves from one point to another, taking care of all that was necessary to be done without hesitation - simply moving in the physical and getting things done.

This was very 'new' to me - this point of actually figuring things out as i go instead of wanting to create a whole map of all the things that i might run into or simulate within my secret mind all of the things that i might have to face, wanting to figure everything out inside myself before taking on a point in the physical.

What i see is that i have stifled myself extensively within the points of inferiority/fear/anxiety/stress - and a cool solution is for me to STOP participation in all thoughts/pictures/beliefs/expressions and push self to move within the actual physical - sticking to the list we had made last night.

Today had definitely been a 'change of pace' for me. Working with what is here and allowing self to trust self in each moment and to actually face self in all aspects of walking this process instead of traipsing around within the mind, feeding into thoughts, feelings, emotions, and creating further anxiety/nervousness. Indeed it was very cool to see how much more stable and effective i was today when not participating in thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs - although such points still come up and i have to release myself and work through it - i am not dwelling upon or feeding the mind any longer as i have to focus on what is here to be done in each moment.

I am seeing what it means to actually move self within practicality within the physical as well as developing self-trust. this point of having structure and deliberate placement still fits in very well with my habit/design of internalizing and planning - but takes the planning into actual physical execution instead of looping around in the mind

At the moment i see that i am tired, and will further continue and open this up in more detail in time.