this application of pushing myself to blog every day is revealing more than i 'thought' it would - it is assisting me in seeing the many ways i have been fucking with myself within the mind.
i have just been writing out self-forgiveness on the points that i had laid out for myself in the previous post - and in looking at it again i see that my self-forgiveness was not actually self-supportive - but was driven within a point of guilt and self-defeat - as though asking for forgiveness instead of supporting myself within the realization that i am NOT my mind and that the points i am forgiving are not about guilt or shame or trying to make things better in order to keep existing within and as the mind - the point of self-forgiveness is FOR GIVE-ing self back to self - to establish that self is the authority and not the mind - that self is taking responsibility for what has been accepted and allowed within the mind - and within this to see that the mind is not some foreign entity that 'did this to me', but is what i have accepted and allowed and thus am responsible for.
it is not effective to write self forgiveness from the starting point of still being within the mind - because within this i am not forgiving myself - i am forgiving my mind. i am forgiving myself AS the mind which is actually furthering my own enslavement within giving the mind an excuse/justification for what i am accepting and allowing within it.
thus i stop and establish for self the point of what i am doing with blogging each day - it is to actually forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be directed by the mind, to establish for myself that i am here, that i direct self within self-will and self-direction - that i forgive myself as an act of taking responsibility and giving self back to self.
i must be clear within my self-forgiveness so that i am not further participating in compounding points.
thus i have deleted what i was going to post - seeing that it was coming from a starting point of not actually assisting myself to give self back to self, but rather was actually validating the mind - and wanting to 'redeem' self as the mind by writing the self-forgiveness from a point of guilt.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write self-forgiveness from a starting point of guilt/shame which is actually feeding and further validating the mind/ego/personality
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write from the starting-point of believing self to be the mind/ego/personality and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse self within 'forgiving' the mind and not the actual self that is here
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write self-forgiveness from the starting-point of validating self
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate self into and as my mind within thoughts, feelings, and emotions when writing self-forgiveness.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use self-forgiveness as a coping mechanism for and as the mind/ego/personality and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not actually push myself within changing self.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rush into writing and self-forgiveness from a point of satisfaction within and as the mind - believing self to be supporting self but in actuality suppressing the point and submerging who i am here as life, as breath, within justifying self through 'self-forgiveness' of and as the mind.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate a point of abusing words within writing self-forgiveness that is not actually lived and applied - wherein the self-forgiveness is empty words from and as the mind justifying it's existence.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only write self-forgiveness on things which i do not enjoy experiencing within myself - and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use self-forgiveness as a means of suppressing myself and not actually facing what it is that i am reacting to.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write self-forgiveness on points where i wanted to alleviate tension or to feel better about something, or to bolster a sense of self-confidence instead of writing self-forgivness as an actual act of releasing self from the pre-programming of and as the mind consciousness system in order to stop existing as patterned play-outs.
i write self-forgiveness from the starting-point of supporting self to see, realize, and to live the realization that i am indeed NOT the mind. I will not allow myself to write self-forgiveness of and as the mind in order to alleviate a point of guilt or shame - because guilt and shame are not in fact real - and are part of the mind-consciousness system which feeds upon the energy within the experience of shame and guilt.
self-supportive writing is not a 'journal' into which i write about events happening and offer observations and write lines of self-forgiveness from a point of it being an 'assignment' to be done - as though the mere writing of self-forgiveness is what will support me. what will support me is me actually supporting myself within, as, and through my writing - placing my words AS self-forgiveness.
here i purify the terms self-forgiveness and self-supportive writing -
written self-forgiveness is the act of placing into and as words the realization that i am not the mind, and that i am the directive principle and will direct myself and support myself within and as self-will so that i no longer accept the mind as the directive principle of me. writing out self-forgiveness is an outflow of self-realization. it does not matter how many lines of self-forgiveness i write if the starting-point is not self-support within releasing self from and as the mind. thus, i write to establish self HERE within and as the physical.
self-supportive writing is not about writing out as much as i can and sharing it. self-supportive writing is me laying out the construct as i experience it within and as the mind - laying out the actual events and deconstructing the systems and patterns so that i am able to see with clarity what i am accepting and allowing within self and to then correct self within self-forgiveness and self-corrective application within consistent practical living.
i will not allow myself to abuse myself within the point of writing - i will use writing as the tool with which i expose myself to myself and assist myself to step out of the mind and take directive responsibility as life.