Today I began to apply myself within the point of slowing down and allowing self to enjoy what is here, focusing on breathing, and letting go of my design of always being in a rush, and stopping the points of anxiety and nervousness in the moment once i notice it.
I have not fully mastered this application - there are still points of reaction and anxiety - but not nearly as deeply entrenched as before. I am seeing how much is missed when one is not here within and as breath.
I noticed that within allowing myself to 'hang out' and 'chill the fuck out', i was far more stable and effective while working, as well as more self-aware of the moments where the anxiety/nervousness/rush become activated.
when noticing a point of nervousness/anxiety - usually by noticing my hands shaking or some other physical attribute, i breathe, stop what i am doing for the moment, and then allow myself to 'hang out' and realize that i do not require to rush or worry or hold on to the point of anxiety - and that anxiety/nervousness are not who i am, and am then able to resume what i was doing without the added stress or sense of rushing.
what i am noticing also is that the anxiety is linked to me going into my mind and worrying about the future or having participated in thoughts related to worry, projection, uncertainty, fear, etc. which compound into the experience of anxiety and nervousness, and that MUCH of this anxiety stems from my early childhood all the way up until now.
i will continue to apply myself within-
being practical with my time,
not allowing self to go into my mind,
focusing on breath,
doing activities that are relaxing/calming
supporting my physical body with food/water consistently
stopping when i notice the anxiety/nervousness