The truth hurts

I am faking. I am manipulating myself. I am consciously being dishonest within and as myself.

I am not taking this process seriously. I am kidding only myself and desiring to project and image of myself that will be accepted and approved of by others. And this cannot continue.

Too much suffering is going on, and I cannot continue in this way. I refuse to.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and pretend to be completely dedicated to my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself standing up and taking this process seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this process as being too hard for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be saved instead of being the directive principle that will save myself for myself by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the deception created by my mind instead of living as the true expression of who I am as LIFE unbound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose deception, dishonesty, and living within my mind instead of choosing honesty, dedication, discipline, and developing self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing or not making it and thus creating the justification for not taking it seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to remain existing as the lie of me instead of the LIFE of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and manifest myself to be worthless or ineffective and that I will always fail in what I do or desire to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously sabotage myself so that I won't have to actually take responsibility for myself and move myself and apply myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, and desire help and support from others so that I can simply do the bare minimum and wait for others to support me because I have judged them as superior and "better" and "greater than" myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with desteni members in dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know the shame of my dishonesty and yet to continue living within and as it, defining myself as it, manifesting myself as it, and not supporting LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend and fake my process instead of truly applying it with sincere effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself as somebody who is honest fully about his process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy assisting others with my perspectives which are at the moment based on opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy "having practical answers" to questions from other beings instead of living those same answers AS MYSELF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously start projects and never finish them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously give up on myself, my world, the beings around me, and any projects I am working on or desire to work on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior and cannot finish anything I start and therefore justify me not making a real effort because apparently it "won't work anyway" instead of being HERE honestly with myself in SELF TRUST.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who are in the same process and judging them as "better" than me or "more able to be honest with self and apply the process" than me, and therefore once again justifying me not actually taking responsibility for myself by myself as myself to be one and equal to "them".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a person who pretends to be something instead of actually being it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and abuse myself because I am afraid of taking real responsibility and fear being hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a being who can be hurt, has been hurt many times before, and is prone to keep being hurt over and over.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I am NOT a being that must be hurt or that I CAN be hurt to begin with because the hurting occurs as separation within my own mind which I delude myself into believing is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously stop applying myself honestly in my process because I have a fear that I will be hurt or not accepted by other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process because I fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the futility and ridiculousness of not applying myself and sabotaging myself because I fear the very failure I create through such actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously sabotage myself so that I can prove that I was "right" about me being a failure and thus justifying me not making real efforts or taking full responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously sabotage myself because I fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and manifest myself as a being who is only "viable" when I do not fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with the beings on the forums public and private because I fear failing to such an extent that I pretend that I do not fail and pretend to be effective in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through others and their opinions of me instead of depending only upon myself as LIFE expressing HERE unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honestly study the material because I fear that if I make the effort, I would end up failing and thus be experienced as a failure and not accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I require to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the feedback and opinions of others.

Till HERE NO FURTHER.

TILL HERE NO FURTHER.

TILL HERE NO FURTHER.

I am NOT defined by the acceptances or opinions of others.

I am NOT less than the acceptances or opinions of others.

I am NOT a failure in all things I participate in.

I am NOT without support.

I am NOT alone.

I am NOT stupid, weak, unintelligent, or ineffective.

TILL HERE NO FURTHER.

I can only lie to myself. And I will not lie to myself again.

MY MIND DOES NOT OWN ME.

I do not require to please my ideas about myself.

I do not require to please my mind's desires for myself.

I do not require my MIND.

I will NOT say these words as separate from myself and allow these words to become the nothingness that I have existed as.