Breaking Through Instead of Breaking Down

It is so very tempting within this process of self-honesty and self-change to want to simply 'give up' when it seems like things are not working - when it seems like the principles and realizations that one has had within self-writing and self-forgiveness and developing self-honesty as we participate in our daily living are just 'too far out' from the current patterns and relationships that we require to walk through first, and when one sees that one's participation in this world, and one's participation in one's own mind - in thoughts, reactions, pictures, feelings, and emotions is NOT supporting us to actually live and take responsibility for our creation and our participation - that is often when I find the point of wanting to 'give up' to be the strongest - it is when the moment of actually having to walk through our breaking point - the moments where we have to push ourselves deliberately through our fears and resistances and self-definitions and DARE to keep going especially when we have no actual idea who or what we will be 'on the other side' - through that breaking point - because up until now this breaking point is all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live as - and all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as.

There can be many such 'breaking points' for each individual depending on the nature of that individual's specific life and the relationships and conflicts that have most influenced a person's beingness - these breaking points are the moments where we give in and abdicate ourselves the most, and have done so repeatedly throughout our lives. This could be from personal issues that stem from family pressure and preprogramming, or social pressures where one repeatedly made a decision to diminish oneself in order to 'fit in', or where one has developed specific coping mechanisms to deal with internal conflicts and instead of facing those points in one's actual reality, on instead constantly and continuously would resort to the coping mechanism and that point would become a 'breaking point' because the being has never actually stood up and walked through the fear and anxiety and has never 'seen' who they are beyond that breaking point.

Often in my process I had gotten to such breaking points and did not push myself through, and rather gave in and said "Screw it - I quit. I can't do this." and in that statement I actually compounded and intensified that breaking point because I deliberately made that point bigger than myself and deliberately made the decision to diminish myself so as not to have to take responsibility for myself and walk through that self-created fear and limitation.

The fascinating thing is that I would ALWAYS end up right back at the exact same issue and would again have to face that same decision - over a long period of having to walk the consequences of NOT pushing myself through this point before - again I am faced with the breaking point where I had previously given up and though that by 'giving up' this point would disappear... because apparently I said "I quit. I give up. I do not want to face the consequences" and actually expected for this world, this reality, to simply honor my request to NOT face reality simply because I decided it was 'too much' for me.

This world is a world of direct consequence and accumulation - it is never personal and will NOT respond personally. This reality does NOT honor the illusions that we create for ourselves such as fear/resistance or our 'good intentions'. The only actual and reliable output that one can trust is one and equal to the actual participation and actual input that one lives and applies - meaning it does not matter how sorry or regretful one is about mistakes or decisions of the past - the consequences are already HERE and cannot be undone - and often it is when one comes face to face with actual consequence that one actually LEARNS and realizes one's responsibility - and it is that moment of realization of responsibility that the "I give up" tactic comes up as a 'last ditch effort' to not face the consequence and basically "surrender" because we admit to "guilt" and decide to in a way punish ourselves by secluding ourselves and isolating ourselves - but this is actually self-interest - because us hiding ourselves away and us throwing a pity party over our mistakes and trying to remove ourselves from facing and walking through the consequences does NOT in any way redeem us - nor does it in any way actually address the point of self-responsibility and change within seeing what we have accepted and allowed and thus created in this world.

In this world, we have prison systems that are based upon the premise that if one does something bad, one gets punished by getting removed from society and getting put away where one has to learn their lesson and be deprived of any relevant or purposeful participation in society - as though this in any way addresses or takes into consideration HOW and WHY a person came to the decision of committing the crime (assuming they were in fact guilty). And depending on the 'severity 'of the crime a person can, after having served their punishment, possibly re-integrate into the society that banished them - but NOTHING of actual relevance was done to address HOW and WHY that crime came to be in the first place - and such criminals may find themselves yet again repeating the same crime or falling back into the criminal world because no actual consideration or correction was ever implemented. The crimes continue not because there are not enough prisons - but because we 'give up' on those we deem to be criminals.

Similarly, we make ourselves prisoners to our own guilt and shame and self-judgment, and we 'give up' on ourselves and remain in our prisons of self-definition and fear and resistances instead of realizing that by pushing ourselves through the resistance and DARING to look beyond what we think we know of ourselves and break through our breaking points - we realize that the guilt was never necessary - the shame was never necessary - and the punishment and giving up was never actually real or even possible - because always we return to ourselves - always we face ourselves - and how long it takes before we have finally 'had enough' and finally give ourselves the will to walk through no matter what is only a matter of 'time' - though to consider that we do not have infinite numbers of chances to see ourselves and change ourselves - the consequences of our not standing up effect not only us, but everyone in our lives that will be affected due to our not taking responsibility and having to create a time-loop that prolongs everyone's process.

Thus - when facing a point of wanting to give up, realize that giving up now will only make it harder to stop and will only make the process of correction longer and more painful - because saying "I give up" and "I quit" does not remove us from consequence and only places us in a point of waiting - waiting for consequences to blow up again and cause enough havoc in our lives that we return to reality and realize that "giving up" is not possible. We WILL end up right back at the same point - though when we face the point again we will have gone through pain and diminishment and the process will be more painful - thus best to always push through such breaking points and save ourselves from unnecessary self-abuse.

Self-Forgiveness on "Giving Up"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that things will get easier or circumstances can become better without my actual participation and direction, and thus when things get difficult and I am faced with having to walk through a breaking point, to deceive and manipulate myself into "giving up" and hoping that 'next time' things will be better - when the obvious common sense would be that if something isn't working right now, and my potential future is always an outflow of my present moment, then it is clear that whatever I am not effectively facing here in this moment will NOT get any easier in the future and if anything will only compound into a 'bigger' problem due to the amount of time that is wasted in running away and hoping for something outside of myself to sort out my problems and issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself within the idea and belief that if I allow myself to 'give up' and 'walk away' and basically isolate myself and stop participating in my world and in my reality because I was apparently 'not strong enough' to face my responsibilities and my consequences, then this makes me somehow 'noble' because I am 'punishing myself' by removing myself from being a 'problem' when in fact all I am doing is hiding myself from responsibility and hoping that while I am 'gone' somebody else will come along and fix the messes that I have made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that "giving up" and making a decision to give in to my fears and resistances and self-interest and thus accepting a life of limitation, diminishment, and self-dishonesty is in any way acceptable or that this somehow removes me from still having to face and walk the consequences of my acceptances and allowances whether I think I am 'strong enough' or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-responsibility and making actual decisions and commitments when in fact self-responsibility and self-direction are the most powerful tools one is able to utilize to ensure that we stop existing in cycles of diminishment and fear - but rather ensure that in each moment we are always moving ourselves to the best of our ability and leaving no room for doubt or self-sabotage - so that even if there are mistakes or problems that arise, we realize that as long as we move and direct ourselves within self-honesty, there are no mistakes and no need for judgment or punishment, and any consequence is a consequence of our own deliberate creation - thus we can adjust and align ourselves again - and LIVE the point of responsibility instead of giving up and pretending that somebody or something else is to blame.

I commit myself to PROVE to myself that giving up is NOT real and can only have power and influence over me when I am blaming and separating myself from my own point of responsibility - and that there will obviously be mistakes and problems that arise within me taking directive control of my life after a lifetime of existing in the mind and giving my power away through fear and self-interest, but with discipline and self-commitment I slowly but surely change my living from a life of consequences and reactions to a life of creation and expression

I see and realize "giving up" is simply not possible because I see and realize the only thing I can actually do is convince myself and trick myself into believing that I am not creating my own consequences, but this trick eventually wears out and I will eventually again have to face my consequences and my responsibility of self-creation no matter what - therefore it is actually in my best interest to push myself through those moments of wanting to give up and move myself through the breaking points while I am HERE and am moving from a point of self-direction instead of having to create consequences for myself because I was unwilling to push and move myself.

Practical Solution - 

When and as I see or notice myself accessing the point of "I give up. I can't do this." I stop and I stabilize myself in that moment through breathing and bringing my attention back HERE instead of remaining in my mind - and when I have stabilized myself I instead ask myself the question "If I give up on this now, will I have to still face this point and all of it's consequences eventually? and if so will it be any easier THEN opposed to facing it HERE?" and in this way I bring myself back to a practical self-direction instead of giving up and abdicating myself.

Within this I realize that there are some points that require time and in some contexts it may be best to not rush into a decision without ensuring that I am effectively positioned and prepared - but in this I can still be clear with myself so that my starting point is not "giving up" but simply a practical assessment of where I am now and what I am practically capable of working with - and if at the moment I see I am not stable or effectively positioned to take on a certain point, I am clear with myself and do what I require to do to ensure that I can and I will direct that point when I am able - thus not a 'giving up' but a 'readying for'.

For those facing this point of "Giving Up" and difficulties within making decisions - I HIGHLY suggest checking out the following interviews -


       

The Road to Giving Up Is Paved With WHINING

Whining is where one builds up a case - builds up a sales pitch - and eventually convinces self and gets self to 'buy into' the 'product' for the mind to consume - whining is where one creates and layers excuses and justifications to not do something or face something or take responsibility for something directly -thus whining is the actual first step toward sabotage - toward giving up - toward giving in to that point of consumerism and buying the product that has been marketed, advertised, and sold for profit - but in this case the 'product' that you convince yourself to 'buy' is the product of laziness - the product of getting a temporary relief or a temporary moment of stimulation in the mind where you apparently 'win' and get to have a nice experience within yourself, the product of self-diminishment - and in this transaction who gets the profit? It certainly is not YOU - but rather the 'profit' - the energy that you willingly gave up as part of yourself - went to the mind to create and sustain that experience of "Yay, I got what I wanted" and once the energy is consumed and the experience ends - you are faced with a peculiar problem - you are still having to face and deal with the point that originally presented itself - the point that you initially reacted to and went into resistance toward and then talked yourself out of by selling yourself an experience. So now that the 'product' has been consumed you realize that nothing has actually changed - and now you may find that you have less conviction - less motivation - less SUBSTANCE because you had previously allowed yourself to give in to the resistances and buy the 'easy way out' and try to escape from responsibility only to find that instead you diminished your own self-trust and self-integrity.

An example of this 'whining' tactic that I have observed within myself goes as follows -

Say there is a point that I see I require to direct and take responsibility for. This points requires that I set aside my personal preferences and addictions and that I commit within my responsibility to do something that I, out of self-interest, prefer not to do and have defined as something that is "not fun" and something that is "not worth the time" because I could be doing other, more "fun" things.

Begrudgingly, I then 'deal with it' by going through the motions of what I require to do, doing just the bare minimum - just enough so that I can still tell myself that I am 'really doing it' - yet in my backchat I am still whining - still building up the sales pitch - still telling myself:

"I will get to have fun once this is over with"

"Just get through this... just do the bare requirements... and then go right back to having fun."

"Man, this is stupid... this isn't going to work, but I'm going to TRY.... I will try a little."

At this point I am moving myself mechanically within the point - but here I have NOT made my commitment clear. I have NOT worked through the actual resistances and the actual backchat involved. Here I am already setting myself up for 'failure' because I am not in fact walking what is required to be walked as an actual expression and statement of me - rather I am doing it to 'get something' - which is to be able to, eventually, once I have sabotaged the point sufficiently and can say that this point is just 'not working', I will get to QUIT and GIVE UP because my commitment was never in fact clear in the first place, and thus any excuse - any justification - any 'sales pitch' that I can sell to myself, I will then buy into as my way out.

Back to the example - having gotten my toes wet within a new commitment or taking on a point of responsibility that I am doing begrudgingly and NOT as an actual commitment to self - the backchat will begin to get more and more devious and self-manipulative:

"Okay cool... it looks like I'm doing what I require to do... I am meeting the bare requirements... at least now THEY can't say that I didn't try."

"Man, I can't wait to STOP doing this... this is so much work... this is NOT what I want to be doing."

"Man I am being such a champ... I am being such a good, hard working, dedicated person.... look how long I have lasted so far... look how 'committed' I have been... so this had better be WORTH IT or else!"

"This is NOT working! I am doing what I need to do... I am making myself go through with it and put up with it and deal with it but it is NOT working! What's the point of this if it isn't going to work and I am GIVING UP my time, my focus, my energy, when I could be enjoying myself?"

"It is NOT my fault! Every time it is always just not working out no matter what I DO."

"I KNEW IT! God I was so stupid. I should have quit a long time ago. Obviously it wasn't going to work anyway. I don't even WANT to do that anymore. I gave it my best shot... I gave it my time, and I 'sacrificed' so much. The 'smart' thing to do now is 'cut my losses' and end this and stop WASTING MY TIME."

And voila! The sales pitch sinks in and the reason/justification is accepted and now I am able to QUIT and GIVE UP on the point - not seeing and realizing that from the very beginning - from the very starting-point - the commitment was NOT clear and thus I deliberately allowed backchat and self-manipulation through whining and complaining and thus creating the very context for my own 'giving up' - making a big show along the way of how hard it is, how difficult it is, how much work it is, how much I am 'giving up'... so that once the point has been sufficiently sabotaged, I can point at the big show that I made and say:

"But look! I did try. I did everything I was supposed to do. Now this means it didn't work. I mean, the best thing to do now is to stop - because continuing is just not going to work."

This is how the whining tactic comes full circle and becomes a self-fulfilling 'prophecy', the profit-see, as we profit-seek instead of realize actual value - where we buy into the quick fix and get to have an immediate experience instead of dedicate ourselves to building, shaping, slowly but surely, something that will last far longer than the brief burst of energy - where we sell ourselves out and pave the way for our own giving up and ensuring that we remain diminished instead of pushing ourselves past our own self-created fears and addictions to be able to see who we REALLY are when we are not directed by fears, backchat, resistances, but actually moving ourselves.

So, whenever one makes a commitment and is aligning oneself within a new responsibility or is in the process of establishing a new job, relationship, or change in one's life or living patterns, the STARTING POINT must be clear and the commitment and decision to walk that change must be absolute - otherwise the whiner tactic will start picking away at the weaknesses of one's character and will use one's own self-dishonesty and self-interest against self.

When one sees and notices this point of the "Whiner", which can in a way be seen as a 'salesman' in one's own mind that is trying to earn his next bonus - one is able to immediately stop and realize that one is paving the way forward to failure - to giving up - and to giving the 'salesman' his sales bonus at our own expense.

Here, self-forgiveness on the 'whiner' tactic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and believe that the 'whiner' voices within me that complain and whine and make a big deal out of doing things that I have committed and made a decision to do are who I am, and that the reasoning and logic of those whiner voices must be the reasoning and logic of me - when in fact such voices are simply representations and manifestations of self-interest where I have not cleared up my starting-point within a commitment or decision and will thus 'talk to me' and 'speak to me' in thoughts and pictures of whining and complaining so that eventually I will manifest and make real my own point of self-doubt, self-compromise, and secret desire to 'give up' instead of following through on my commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually doing what I decide and commit to do within what I see is best for all and will be a choice/commitment that will honor and support me in being and becoming a trustworthy, effective, and self-motivated person that can stand as a point of change within this world, and thus giving myself backdoors to sabotage myself so that I do not in fact reach my highest potential simply because I have not cleared up my starting-point - have not actually understood the implications of my commitment and my decision, and the consequences of what I will end up creating as my life if I continue allowing myself to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT stop the whiner within me and thus allow myself to listen to the sales pitches of the 'salesman' that is my self-interest and ego not wanting to lose it's biggest customer and willing to do and say anything to make his sale, and to believe that the whining and complaining must be who I am because it is coming from 'me', and seems to be using a voice and thoughts and pictures that have always seemed to be a 'part of me', so thus this 'salesman' must really know intimately who I am and what is best for me - and NOT see or consider until now that I have based an entire life on the deals from this salesman - so much so that I have taken the sales-pitches as backchat on as my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own desires, and thus not actually question the deal that I am making.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am implementing a point that I have not mastered or working on something that requires discipline and consistency in order to practically build something that will in fact last and be of actual support and value to me, not trust myself and not stick to the clarity of my decision and commitment and thus allow myself to be talked into giving up on something simply because I am not able to see and touch the results without first walking the necessary time and commitment, and thus believe that the results will not be there since they are not here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine and complain within myself instead of STOPPING and realizing that there is a salesman in my mind that is reflecting and showing me my doubts and my fears and my uncertainties - thus it is not to allow myself to give in to the temptation and allow myself to be enticed to give up and not face those points, but rather to walk through those points - utilizing the resistances and the backchat as an indication that my standing is not absolute and therefore requires my direction and attention.

I commit myself to, when and as there is a decision and commitment that I have made and as I am walking this commitment I am see/notice myself complaining that it is hard or it is not working or that I am wasting my time and looking stupid - to STOP and clear up my starting point within making that commitment and decision in the first place and stick to the point that is best for all especially when this decision brings up conflict within me and I am wanting to give up and thus deny myself the gift of self-movement and developing actual self-trust as I shed away the layers of self-definition and self-interest and step back into the LIFE that I am.

I commit myself to, when and as I see/notice myself dramatizing a point and complaining to myself or others that something is hard or not working or just too much while I begrudgingly still do the bare minimum, I STOP and realize that if a point is in fact not working and not practical then I simply stop and there is no debate necessary about it and I simply change and adjust my participation. But if I am experiencing conflict and resistances within a point and yet I am still dragging and pulling myself in it and whining about it, then I am deliberately manipulating myself by NOT giving myself clarity and am paving the way for eventually giving up instead of being directive within what I am doing.

I commit myself to, for such points where I am complaining and whining, slow down and reveal for myself what I am setting myself up for in making such claims, and how/why it is that I am working against myself to sabotage myself - and what it is that I fear to actually face and walk through or let go of, what it is that I fear to embrace and become and change, that I am now whining and complaining about and setting myself up to give up on, and seeing for myself whether it is in fact worth it to give up, knowing that I will eventually have to come back to face this exact point - this exact question again, and perhaps be in a situation that is not as stable or supportive as the one I am currently in - and if I give up now and I do end up in this point again, would I be self-honestly okay with myself and my decision to give up in this moment now?