Bloggity Vlog - Equalizing self to daily blogging/vlogging and establishing a framework

Last night I did not write a blog or do a vlog, as per my commitment to blogging/vlogging each day, and within looking at this point i see that in the days leading up to this i had been participating in thoughts of needing to get my blogging/vlogging done each day and making it a 'rule' that i do this, thus creating daily blogging/vlogging to be an entity separate from self - something that i required to push myself to do because i had made it a 'rule' and not an actual self-movement. so as i continued to allow pressure, stress, and anxiety over the point of doing a blog/vlog each day, the point compounded and i found myself at a state of not actually being HERE, not actually blogging/vlogging from a starting-point of actual self-expression or self-support - and rather i was actually feeding my mind - feeding the constructs within me - possessed by the idea/thought of having to do a blog/vlog each day - and the resistance grew around that point. i found myself going into stress and anxiety whenever it would get late into the evening and i had not yet done my blog/vlog, and would compound this point of stress and anxiety and 'force' myself through it without actually investigating or supporting myself within the resistance - which only suppressed the point.

i realized that i was not actually writing for self-support - that i was writing just to maintain a commitment to write and post a blog/vlog each day - as though by virtue of me doing the act of posting a blog and uploading a vlog each day i was then 'supporting myself'- when in fact i was supporting an idea/opinion which ultimately lead to a lockdown/possession where i would experience massive resistance due to wanting to present myself a certain way, wanting to 'maintain' my blogging and vlogging to fit the idea i had about it.

so within this i have also constructed the point of polarity within 'not doing a vlog/blog' each day - setting up for myself the eventuality of an energetic 'low' if i do not blog/vlog because the starting point was of energy - of mind.

thus i now support myself to drop all rules - and stick to principle. it is not about whether or not i blog/vlog daily - it is who i am within it all, and how i will direct myself within each moment. it does not actually support me or anyone when i am not actually sharing self-realization or sharing self within actual vulnerability - it is ego and self-interest to want to blog/vlog from a starting-point of wanting validation or seeking some form of acceptance/redemption.

the correction here is not to stop blogging or vlogging daily - nor is it to force myself to blog/vlog from a starting-point of ego/mind. it is to clear the starting-point and get self-honest with who i am in the point of blogging/vlogging so that i am HERE and not writing from/as the mind and not going into energetic possession or losing myself within knowledge/information within my vlogs.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within blogging and vlogging daily

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist and compound the resistance to blogging and vlogging daily within separating self from blogging and vlogging and creating blogging and vlogging as a 'rule' that must be followed

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me for not blogging/vlogging daily each day

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not blogging/vlogging each day

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i cannot share myself unconditionally and that i must be 'clear', and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place pressure upon myself to constantly and continuously be 'expanding' and 'bettering' myself and sharing this expansion of self within my blogs and vlogs

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must be a 'model' for others in terms of self-expansion and self-correction, and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not changing, not expanding, not living up to the 'model' that i believe i must be

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind within it's interpretation of how i am doing within my process and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and judge myself as inferior to the expression of others in blogs and vlogs.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing self, and within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that that which can be deleted was ever real or of actual substance

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am my mind and that the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that my consciousness experiences is real or lasting or special in any way.

I am HERE - and my starting-point within blogging and vlogging daily is to support myself within self-expansion and self-realization - and within this it is not about making sure that i post or upload something every day - it is to make sure that i am not in my MIND every day. always it is the starting-point that determines the manifested consequences.

When i see that it is not practical/effective for me to vlog or post a blog, i will not do so and will direct myself and support myself through applying self-forgiveness spoken or written, and/or i will support myself by investigating what is the actual resistance/fear that is in the way, and/or i will support myself within moving and participating within my actual reality if i see i am getting locked down and going into resistance doing the writing or vlogging, and/or i will assist myself within directing myself to take a nap and 'sleep it off' and return to the point the moment i wake up, and/or i will see whether there is something in my actual physical participation that requires change or direction.

i continue my application of blogging/vlogging - without holding on to any ideas or thoughts/opinions or making it a 'rule' that must be followed - and simply move myself within the point and trust self to direct self in that moment if i see that vlogging/blogging will not be effective/practical to do in that moment.

Stop Self-Doubt! Applying the equality equation and accumulating self-trust

There is so much to write about that for the last 10 minutes i have been writing sentences and paragraphs only to immediately delete them, having judged the words, the content, or the subject to be 'not good enough'.

so here I am going to take on the point/pattern within myself of doubting myself and allowing self to give up due to comparing myself to others or to an ideal that i have created within my mind.

this is a point that has been opening up for some time now and the more i allow myself to 'step into it' the more i am able to see it's design and the more effective i am in stopping and removing this pattern within myself.

the design of this system is such that i will often take on a new project and be very excited about it, and i will go into creating thoughts and projections and pictures of all the things i would want to accomplish within the project. what then occurs is i will be mesmerized by the picture and projected desire of what i want and then i will see that i am not at a stage where i am able to manifest that desire immediately.

what happens next is that i go into another form of projection, where instead of looking at all the cool things that i wanted, i go into a mode of fear and projecting myself into pictures and thoughts of messing things up and having wasted time and losing credibility with self and with others for not accomplishing something that i had said i would do. in having projected myself into this future failure, i then react to 'save' myself by stopping and giving up on the project so that i do not have to face the possibility of having to fall from a greater height.

this point of 'holding back' and 'waiting' is something that i see is incredibly limiting, as all things that spring from the mind-consciousness system are. specifically the point of 'holding back' and 'waiting' keep me in a self created downward spiral where i am constantly seeking the next big project to 'redeem myself' with, and then going into fear that i won't be able to 'pull it off', having already created an idea and desired result/outcome. and what happens within this kind of a loop is because i have the desire to redeem myself by finally pushing through and accomplishing something, i immediately go into memory of past attempts to 'redeem myself' and immediately the pressure builds, seeing that if i fail again this time, it would be another point where i have 'failed' and must have further 'redemption', which leads me to seek a bigger, better project with which to redeem myself through, and then the pattern repeats.

so the practical solution here is NOT to allow any points of giving up, and at the same time NOT participating or allowing any starting-point other than self-movement.

I see that in holding on to wanting to prove something of myself all i am doing is reiterating the fact that i am lacking and must prove myself, and from that starting point all that i do would be for the sake of getting the 'reward' of validation and redemption and would NOT be an act of actual self-movement and self-expression, thus it is doomed from the get-go to die out when the energy driving it dissipates.

so within this act of committing to write each and every day, i stand and i take this point on, and i clear myself of all desires and thoughts of wanting/needing to 'not mess up on this one' in order to redeem myself from my past and to validate who i am as an ego.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to write each and every day in order to prove that i am able to commit to something and see it through

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to keep up with writing each and every single day and fearing what people might think.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write from a starting point of wanting to redeem myself and be validated by others.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within fears of not knowing what to write or not knowing if my writing is 'good enough'

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write for others in return for validation and acceptance instead of writing for and as self within self-dedication

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing a day of writing as a projected fear associated with me not being able to then 'redeem' myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'redeem' myself as my past

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention and acceptance from others who walk with desteni and are taking on this point of daily writing

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to write what my mind/ego/personality deems to be fitting in order to gain validation and acceptance.

I STOP.

I do not allow myself to participate within trying to redeem myself through my daily writing

I write each day as a self-movement wherein I accumulate through time and consistency self-trust and self-will to do whatever it takes to stand by my words and principles.

I write each day to stabilize and support myself within clearing up the words that I write, the words that I speak, and the words that I live.

I write each day to assist and support myself in letting go of the mind and putting myself out and sharing my process within and as humility and humbleness, baring all points and all secrets.

I write each day as an act of self-care, exposing self to self and daring to actually hold myself accountable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i require to be redeemed.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my past and thus project my fears into the future

I establish for myself self-will each day as i write about what is here in my world, what is here within myself, and i correct myself and align myself to what is best for all as i write.

I apply myself within all that i do within the consideration of the equality equation of 1+1=2, accumulating with each breath, each day, what is best for all and expanding myself to reach my full potential in this life.

I stop giving up when things seem hard.
I stop giving up because I cannot immediately have things the way I want.
I stop demanding that things go the way I planned.
I let go of all fear that if things are not going well or things are not looking like the way i pictured then I am not doing it right and will eventually fail.

I walk no matter what, and I do not give up.

I shall apply this within all that I do - until it is done.

A blog a day keeps the Mind at bay

Taking on the point of writing daily and sharing my writings as an accumulation of me pushing, expanding, and directing myself within and as the words I write and thus the words I speak and the words that I LIVE.

In taking on this point of self-support within writing each day I am reminded of the times I have made such commitments before and how clearly I saw writing to be a vital part of my process, yet had found ways to excuse myself from writing each and every day.

So I take this point on within a starting point of self-support and moving myself within self-direction to write in my blog every day and clear up for myself any and all points that are able to be written out and worked through, and I share this with all within humbleness as I expand myself within and as my words through writing and aligning/correcting myself in all aspects where I am not standing as the directive principle within what is best for all.

Lately I have been seeing the point of 'change' and noticing that I have been firmer in my stance within my dedication to process. I have been pushing on the points where I see I require attention and correction and I have been applying myself within sharing all of my points with Lindsay so that we are supporting each other equally and having no back doors or surprises. I am also seeing how my self-writing is able to be clearer and be used as a tool for self-correction as I write out a point and am able to immediately apply self-corrective application within and as the words that I place and stand by.

Another point that I am seeing as effective is the way I am participating within my agreement with Lindsay. It has been great support walking with Lindsay and pushing myself to open up and share all points and have no back-doors within my commitment and to openly expose the points that I am facing, the points where I am 'falling', the points where I am requiring specific direction or support, the points where I am effective and stable but require to maintain it and integrate the change, all of it. In this application of letting go of comfort zones and self-definitions I am able to actually establish 'who I am' within self-honesty and let go of who I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be and exist as, which was of limitation and certainly not best for all. In opening up and revealing all points we are able to walk together equally, being accountable to ourselves at all times because there are no 'secret points' or hidden agendas and we are able to 'call out' the points we are possessed by directly and provide specific support, seeing that these points are not who we are and not accepting such points to remain. I am enjoying myself as I walk this process of peeling away the layers of self-definitions and mind constructs- exposing the actual expression of self within self-honesty and taking on all points.

I also am noticing a general stability within self even while facing points, having reactions, noticing where I am not self-directing and still require correction. In having established for myself the 'stance' of not giving up and walking this process no matter what, there is a sense of 'balance' and 'grace' within facing myself and my world, taking responsibility and stopping the points of fear, dishonesty, and separation as I expose these points and take them on layer by layer and no longer judging myself or condemning myself when a point 'resurfaces' and is faced again. There has been a definite change within how I am approaching my process since planting my feet down and being clear that I stand no matter what and that I shall walk this process until all are free.

So here I am 'taking stock' of what I am seeing that is effective in my world and it is an interesting 'coincidence' that at the moment I am working on getting ready for a store-wide inventory audit where we must account for the actual physical merchandise in the store to establish where we stand within our assets and sales figures - taking actual stock of what is actually here, counting the physical items article by article in a direct process of 1+1. I see that my current effectiveness is an improvement and expansion of self within applying myself and remaining diligent in my dedication and self-agreement to stop myself as the pre-programmed ego mind and birth myself HERE within and as the physical. Thus it is the same 1+1 application of continuing to support myself with all of the tools that are at my disposal and to not disregard this opportunity within this life to make a definitive change within self and within existence.

I stand here in humbleness and gratitude for all who walk this process and take on everything that this entails. I am grateful to all who walk with desteni. I am grateful for the support of the physical, my human body, all of existence for being HERE, where we are at the eye of the universe to see ourselves and realize what we are and what we can be.

I walk. I continue, no matter what. I do not give up until all are here as self-willed equals in fact. So it is done.