A prominent point that has been coming up within me is the point of not trusting self and relying on the ego/mind, in which I abdicate myself within my self-responsibility and self-trust over to the ego/mind and try to figure things out from within myself, which is the point of 'internalization' that sunette had mentioned within the agreement support video she had made for myself and Lindsay.
What happens is I will see a point within my world that requires direction/correction, and I will instead of dealing with it in the external world directly, rather go within myself and dissect/take apart/analyze within my secret mind how to go about dealing with the point, and within this creating and projecting myself into fears of failure and not actually allowing myself to live the actual point of correction.
This I see stems from an overlapping point of not trusting myself to participate within the actual, structural, physical reality – thus I first internalize and make sure I have 'all my bases covered' and that I have analyzed and played out 'all the angles' before I actually move myself within the physical reality.
While writing this I have experienced a very pronounced and sharp pain within my right shoulder- a direct and sharper pain that I have experienced before- I am going to have a look at the Veno document on this for more information.
Okay this is VERY specific lol. Regarding the right shoulder-
“right side of the human physical body represent the male structural construction, implementation and manifestation expression.” Veno's Structural Resonance Pt 1&2, page 14
“the right side SHOULDER point contain the survival skills ‘inherited’/transferred and copied/duplicated from your father.”
“Survival skills are for instance that which you utilize within yourself to have/maintain control of yourself and your world within which you experience yourself. Let’s look at the definition of the word ‘survival’ in the context I am using the word within this explanation:
“Your survival skills are also able to be referred to as your maintenance/control skills which provide you with the ability to maintain and control your world. To have you be able to place yourself effectively within the System as your world within which you ‘experience’ yourself as a consciousness structural resonance system, to place others effectively in your world so that everything within and of your world, including those within it – is placed to support and assist you in remaining a consciousness structural resonance system.”
“Become a man defined: Transform yourself into portraying yourself to be ‘a man’ who does not express any emotion or feelings because: “I am a man and men don’t ever do that”. “I am strong!”
Ego
When starting a family, must have sufficient money provision for the entire family and must be prepared effectively to be able to start a family.
Portraying the perfect: “I am the man for you” presentation to ‘attract’ and ‘capture’ the ladies to indulge in the experience of sex (so that consciousness systems may release the unnecessary ‘waste essence’ and transfer systems from one partner to the next so you
may be enslaved further into the becoming of a consciousness structural resonance system).
Go to school get education, go to university get a degree(s), get a job – have money: First priority.
Desire a relationship”
Very cool points here to work with. The pain in my right shoulder is very specific indicating that I am indeed working with the point of the male/structural/physical set of 'survival skills' which have been designed as resonant systems which I have downloaded from my father.
At the moment it is late and I physically require some sleep. So I will support myself and get some rest and I will continue this writing and further exploration of any and all points that come up as I open this up for myself.
Interesting, for a moment I wanted to keep going and keep pushing – wanting to 'rush' through this writing and keep going without sleep but I see now that is not effective and is disregarding self here within and as the physical.
I stop. I do NOT accept or allow myself to participate within wanting to 'rush' in order to 'get something done'.
I STOP. I do NOT accept within myself not trusting that I will indeed continue this tomorrow after I get home from work.
I direct myself to support myself HERE within practicality and get some sleep before leaving for work in the morning and will continue this writing.
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