i have just read through lesson 17 of the Desteni SRA course.
Within me there is a sense of definitive change. This point really 'sank in' after going into lesson 17 and the points of judgment and specifically "Reactive Self Manipulation" which is covered in the lesson.
It is as though this lesson spoke directly to me and pierced into my very being, because it laid out in specificity the way judgment, justification, blame, projection, and other mind originated tactics are used- and having gone into this lesson I experience myself as having an 'arsenal' of tools and a vocabulary with which to articulate as well as deal with what is going on within myself and to able to actually change who and what i am.
The past week as been very assisting in terms of presenting 'obstacles' which I am able to push myself to face. Since the point of 'facing' my mother i have noticed there has been a growing sense of self trust and self movement, wherein i am giving in less and less to the mind. it is as though by facing one of my largest resistances i have now gained a sense of self direction and authority, and there has been a developing sense of 'growth' and 'expansion' within myself.
i notice that i am now less influenced by my mind- by pictures, by fears, by reactions. they are still here and i still have them come up, but i am no longer automatically participating in them. there is a sense of the systems 'slowing down' within myself as i am seeing with expanding specificity how it all works.
the point of 'reactive self manipulation' really 'struck a chord' in me as i reviewed the lesson today- it had so clearly laid out and defined what is going on within that tactic that there can be no mistaking it- and within this clarity i saw immediately how i myself have used these tactics- and how in specificity it functions. i now have a direct method of recognizing this point within myself- which has been a 'large' point of self abdication for me.
currently i experience myself as though having just discovered a 'super power'. there is a persistent sense of 'expansion' and 'self trust' that is not based on an energetic or emotional reaction- but an actual experience of myself- as though a huge weight has been lifted from me- a weight that i have been carrying for a very long time. there is a sense of 'self authority' as well as clarity- wherein i am no longer 'convinced' by the contents of my mind in terms of thoughts, reactions, pictures- even though they still exist and still occur, i am no longer a slave to any of it as i had been.
lately i have also been more 'aware' of myself and of life within the context of what is here, and i have been expanding myself in terms of seeing what HERE actually is, and what the physical actually is, and seeing the perspective of how all that is HERE is all that we are within each and every one of us- how ALL and EVERYTHING is manifest in the physical and that we are at all times creating this world by virtue of what we accept and allow within ourselves. for a long while this knowledge remained within me as simply information that i have gleaned from desteni material without actually experiencing how it can be so. i am now having an actual sense of how we create this world, seeing why the world exists the way it does, and seeing my part within it all and coming to appreciate the physical.
so at this moment i am uncertain of this sense of 'self awareness' and whether i am actually mindfucking myself within an emotional/feeling experience... so i shall continue to walk and see if there is any change in terms of what i am experiencing myself as at the moment and to verify whether my change has been real.
for anyone reading this who is not a part of the introduction to desteni or the desteni SRA course- i can only say that you owe it to yourself to study the desteni material and develop a sense of self honesty so that you are able to actually support yourself effectively and see what you have been missing this entire time. the SRA course is like no other- and it will absolutely take away any excuse or justification one may have in regards to actually changing and becoming the effective and clear within all that you do and removing the patterns and limitations we have for so long accepted as 'our nature'. for those unfamiliar with desteni at all- check out the desteni material and then get yourself enrolled in the Introduction to Desteni course which will prepare you for the desteni SRA course. if you are serious about knowing what the fuck is going on and why things are the way they are and what we are able to and MUST do about it, do not hesitate or waste any more of your time.