In One Breath: The Best Friend Who Wasn't Best for All

Joe Kou

01/01/2012

In looking at the design of 'best friends' in this world I saw the point of how we, as our backchat, seem to have a similar relationship to that secret 'inner self' that seems to know us better than we know ourselves.

When I look at my own points of backchat – where I have those conversations with 'myself' in my own mind, it is the same dynamic as the design of 'best friends' in the world where both friends are simply supporting each other to remain exactly the same and will continuously reinforce each other and remind each other of 'who they are' but always from a starting point of self interest and not of actual consideration or support.

The 'me' that I have existed as is like the 'best friend' that knows all of my secrets and is always there to help me out of situations and insists that I would not be where I am had it not been for him. And when I question and dare to investigate the merits of this 'friendship' the inner 'voice' will become defensive and take things 'personally' – and this is rather fascinating because it shows the level of sophistication that the ego and mind consciousness system has developed over the years where it is like an entire being exists within me as my backchat complete with it's own set of agendas and has over the years grown increasingly effective at being persuasive – when in fact what has been going on is me abdicating myself over the personality designs and backchat which do eventually become 'larger than me' and eventually do lead to me acting out as the 'secret self'.

But what has this 'secret self' actually assisted me with? Does this 'relationship' actually support me? Clearly not. The 'secret me' is able to continue functioning because I have accepted it over the years as my 'partner in crime' – and due to the belief that if I allowed myself to expose this inner me then I would be judged by others for what 'we' have done and within that shame and guilt I continue to rely on and place trust in this 'secret self' instead of realizing that I will only continue down the same path of self compromise and diminishment.

Such is the way of the ego and backchat – it contains all of the secrets that we do not dare to face or expose and will always hold that point as a kind of 'leverage' to ensure that we will always do what it wants to do and will continue supporting and feeding it because it apparently keeps us 'safe' from having to actually face who we are. It is the same dynamic seen in all abusive relationships.

This insanity has got to stop! We are NOT the voices in our heads and we do NOT have to limit or compromise ourselves as life due to fear of being 'exposed' because all that we have done is already HERE, in fact, manifested as the very world in which we live where we see the amount of duplicity and abuse that has been accepted and allowed each and every day in the lives of each and every being – so the abuse and the plain, cold, unpleasant 'truth' of ourselves is already here for those willing to honestly see and there is no reason to continue to allow ourselves to deny it or try to keep this insane relationship going with the secret mind.

We have all fallen prey to this 'best friend' – we have all sold it our secrets and allowed it to blackmail us into submission, believing that we should be ashamed and that we should fear that we might be exposed so we had better do what this 'best friend' says so that we can continue to pretend that we are perfect, special, unique beings in a world that is obviously devoid of actual compassion or humanity.

It is time to put to rest any and all relationships that are not in fact based on what is best for all – where ALL are friends without secrets and without hidden agendas – and this includes the relationships we have developed over the years with our own minds as backchat and secret thoughts that turn poisonous with continued silence as we give in to the fear of actually exposing the inner nastiness we have been an accomplice to.

With self forgiveness we are able to stop the this abuse. We are able to take back our point of self honesty and restore our point of self trust wherein we will no longer accept or allow dishonesty within ourselves or within our world. Coupled with corrective application and walking a process of self change with a group of people committed to do the same, we are able to actually redefine the entire relationship structure to be one of real care and real support and forever put to rest the secrets and nastiness that have divided us from each other as well as ourselves.

I see that in resisting writing and resisting sharing myself and resisting the point of self forgiveness and self corrective application I actually give in to that 'best friend' and is an indication that I am fearing my own secrets and fearing to be 'exposed' and will thus compromise myself and abuse others in self-interest to preserve the relationship with my 'secret self' at the expense of what is actually here – so again I correct myself and clear up my starting point.

I write as self support, as the beingness that is me as life, and I see and realize that I am responsible for stopping my participation in that which diminishes me and compromises me and prevents me from being able to stand naked without hidden agendas and spitefulness that will only result in further mistrust and abuse to life, and in this I realize that facing myself does not have to be terrifying or difficult so long as I remain consistent in my application and self forgiveness in releasing and forgiving the old 'ties that bind'.