The title of this blog says it all, really.
What am I doing? What am I 'in process' for? Why do I read the desteni material and watch the desteni vids and follow up on the process of others who are walking with desteni? What am I doing within taking the SRA course?
For too long now these questions were allowed to remain simply questions that I would "eventually get around to answering" instead of directing myself to be clear in what I am doing and what I am participating in.
There has been a pattern within me of simply doing a "bare minimum" to maintain myself as a 'member' of desteni- when desteni is not about membership- one is either in this fully as an act of self will within making the decision to stop living as the pre-programmed mind consciousness systems and take responsibility for all life and to ensure and insist that oneness exists as universal equality in all ways so that no further abuse of any kind can ever happen again. Anything that is 'less than' this is simply not acceptable and not valid, and if this is not yet fully here and clear as the lived principle of oneself in each and every moment, one must walk until it is so- and yes there will be falls and there will be pain- and there will be such challenges that will force us to change the very core of ourselves so that we stand clear, here, as self directed will.
So what am I here to do? what am decision do I now make?
I stand and I will walk. I will forgive myself when I have fallen and I will release myself from fear, judgment, self doubt, and spitefulness, and I will stand back up and continue to walk until I no longer fall and I stand absolute as the living statement of oneness and equality for all life in fact.
So when I fall, I will not accept or allow myself to remain fallen. I forgive myself, release myself, and will myself to move again. I stop allowing myself to compromise myself and participate in judgment of myself because I not have been able to in a single breath release myself from my systems, my resonant patterns, my secrets, my thoughts, my mind, and all that which I have become as the knowledge and information I have been living as and accepted myself to be. I stop justifying why I am the way I am, and I allow myself and insist for and as myself that I see HOW I am the way I am, and to move myself accordingly to align myself to what is best for all.
There is no point in desiring to know how far I have to walk, how much I must face, what I must walk through, or whether or not I am even able to make it in process, as that desire to 'know' is completely irrelevant to what must be done- which is simply that it will take whatever it takes, and I must be willing to do that- no matter what it is, to ensure that the result is oneness as universal equality unto infinity absolute and unwavering.
So I will continue to walk and breathe within this current life- I will do what is necessary to be done within principle and I will not allow myself to be directed by personality. I will keep walking this process until it is done within realization that I must participate and cannot expect to be helped by anyone.
I stop wanting to be saved by others or being given approval or acceptance or validation from others. I will accept what is commonly belonging to all- which is fundamental support to exist effectively in this world- I will accept practical assistance to develop my own self support, self trust, and self will, as I insist for ALL to have equally.
THIS is what I am doing HERE, and HERE is the only place I am able to do it.
Thus it is until it is done.